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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

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Original poster

leaving your ds/dd at a party on their own

65 replies

Moomin · 18/03/2006 00:18

was a bit gobsmacked today when dd went to a very big party (about 60 kids - nightmare!) with kids aged between 4 and about 6. There was a group of children from dd's pre-school, all aged 4. I took along another girl from dd's group with dd and of course took responsibility for them both. was a bit shocked to see another girl from same class being dropped by her dad and then he left, without having arranged for anyone to see to her. Between about 4 of us parents we sat her on our knees when she got upset at several points, i took her to the loo and made sure she had enough to eat.

She comes from a 'nice' family - mum always very friendly at school gates. I was shocked though that anyone could leave their 4 year old and expect her a)be ok, b)expect others to see to her needs without being asked. Of course, none of us minded but i was quite upset for her and thought it was a blimmin cheek of her dad. when i got home and told dh this he said that it has happened before at a previous party he took dd to.

anyone else a bit or is this par for the course?

OP posts:

juliab · 18/03/2006 14:54

Good question Earlybird! Always feel a bit awkward about that one - there's enough to do already when it's your child's party without having to make umpteen cups of tea for the parents. Having said that, I once stayed at a party where the host mum produced CANAPES for the parents
Mind you, she defines the term competitive mum...

juliab · 18/03/2006 14:57

I'm sure it would be Ok for your DP to go too, Macwoozy. Maybe just say, 'My DP's come along, too. Hope that's OK?' when you arrive. I'm sure the host parents won't mind - especially if you offer to hand out the sausages etc!

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 18/03/2006 15:09

Here's another question - if parents stay at a child's party, do you (as hostess) feel obliged to make some provision for adult food/drink?

NO! It's the child's party - infact on the rare occasions "I" have stayed at a child's party I've made damn sure I help - unlike the lazy cow's who stayed at DS1's party in September....

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 18/03/2006 15:10

oh - and if parents stay at my house I always tell them where the tea, coffee, mugs, milk, sugar, spoons and kettle are - then let them help themselves.

juliab · 18/03/2006 15:21

So do I, QOQ, but there's always one who comes over just as you in mid pass-the-parcel stress and says something like, 'I can't find any herbal tea or organic brown-sugar lumps.'
Aaargh!

xxxviii · 18/03/2006 15:27

We don't have many visitors, anyway, so I don't mind playing hostess to parents staying with their young children.
My younger children are less socially confident than my eldest, actually.
Before I read this thread I never thought of leaving my phone number, though .

macwoozy · 18/03/2006 15:39

Thanks juliab

NotQuiteCockney · 18/03/2006 15:54

My DS1 is 4. I've left him once at a party (it was a theatre party, and I knew that me staying would cost the parents more money), but I understand why parents leave their kids.

Some people are single parents. Some people have partners who are away on the weekend, or working. So if someone is a single parent, effectively, and has three kids, say, they've got to arrange childcare for the other two, so they can attend a birthday party with their kid. Or you have to have two extra kids at the party.

When I had DS1's fourth birthday, I put "parents welcome, but not required", so parents knew they could drop and run if they needed to. About half of them did. I did adult-friendly nibbles.

juliab · 18/03/2006 20:24

How did it go Macwoozy?

Ellbell · 18/03/2006 20:33

Had dd2's 4th birthday party the other day and had about 22 children (got a bit out of hand... but she is in a nursery class of 14, so it's a difficult number - if you only invite some it looks more 'noticeable' somehow than in a class of 30, but inviting them all, along with other non-school friends, led to a large party...). I knew some parents would stay as they are close friends anyway. Others asked if they could stay (yes PLEASE!), but a lot of people just took for granted that it would be OK to leave their 3-year-olds (dd is one of the oldest in her class) and go. Some even looked shocked that I asked for a contact telephone number.

Ellbell · 18/03/2006 20:36

BTW, would never leave my dds (not even dd1, who's nearly 6) in a soft-play centre/Brewsters type place (unless I'd specifically asked another adult that my kids know well already to keep an eye on them). Too much scope for injury, getting lost, failing to find the toilet, running off.... Am I paranoid?

crazydazy · 18/03/2006 20:45

We leave ours DD 6 and DS almost 4. They are both quite confident and they stick together so providing we know the parents well then we feel okay to leave them. Wouldn't leave just DS on his own as he's still a bit young.

Angeliz · 18/03/2006 20:49

My dd is 5 and there is no way i'd leave her at a Party. Especially those massive soft play places. Totally agree with EllBell, far too many opportunitys for disaster.

If you're paranoid, then so am i!

Twinkie1 · 18/03/2006 20:56

Always leave DD and have since she about 4 I think - she is a happy confisent child thouigh and I have known the mothers of the child that is having the party.

I really think it depends on the child though - DD really couldn't care less if I was there and has told me to go before - she is confident outgoing and not afraid to ask an adult for help!!

Had 18 kids for DDs last pary at home and 2 parents stayed but I had friends and grandma and DP here so we all mucked in and was fine.

Hulababy · 19/03/2006 08:35

HRHQoQ - I don't feel obliged to provide food for adults but on DD's birthday in 2 weeks I will be providing drinks and nibbles for them. I want to encourage them to stay. Have encouraged them and siblings to stay on the invites. Will provide crisps, salady bits, dips and then hot/soft drinks too.

Reason for bigger party - we have control at moment over who comes, with DD's help. We use her parties not only as a great reason for her to have a party with all her friends but also a time for us to get to know the parents of her nursery friends, to get family around and also to meet up with some of our friends (and their children). As DD gets older I guess it will become more school friend based.

Hulababy · 19/03/2006 08:36

Also, it depends on distance I had travelled for the party. At the moment I wouldn't leave Dd because of age, but as she does get older it will depend where the party is. Many times we have to drive there, and it isn't always worth coming back home. So DH and I will stay and have a drink/snack or whatever, depending on location/venue.

Northerner · 19/03/2006 08:45

My ds is having his 4th birthday party in 2 weeks and I've put a drop off and collect time on the invites. This is because it's at my house and I don't want it over crowding with adults.

I'd be happy to leave ds at someones house but not yet a soft play centre/hall.

getbakainyourjimjams · 19/03/2006 08:47

I left my 3 (just short of 4) year old. It was at a gym class type party. I had ds1 to look after and ds3 so it was either leave him or he couldn't go. I rang the mum before hand and asked if that was OK and she said absolutely fine or I was welcome to stay with ds1 and ds3 (impossible). About half the mum's stayed and half left- all the children were nursery age.

I spoke to ds2 before hand and told him he must not leave the room, and must ask for help if he wanted to go to the toilet (but I made sure he went before we left).

I was worried he'd be concerned about me leaving, but he was fine- said "see you later" without turning around.

Depends on the child. DS2 is sensible and does as he;s told. I can leave him if I have to. DS1 will still need to be accompanied as an adult.

Gillian76 · 19/03/2006 08:48

I would judge each case on its own. My DDs are 4 and 6 and I have left both of them on occasions where it was a small party and we knew the hosts well. Certainly wouldn't be happy leaving them at a party for 60 whatever the age. Personally think that's irresponsible unless everyone's parents stay.

On the phone number issue, I always do now. There is a favourite venue for bithday parties here - a huge community hall with bouncy castle and soft play. At a party DD1 went to I had stayed and witnessed one of the children fall on the bouncy castle and break both bones in her arm

Thankfully she was well known to the hosts and they had her number anyway, but imagine...

fairyjay · 19/03/2006 08:49

I always thought that if I invited children, it was up to me to have enough help around to look after them - and we are lucky in that we do have family/friends close by.

Ds would happily have been left at 4, whereas dd wanted me to stay until she was around 6.

I must admit a party for 60 seems rather ott!

CatBert · 19/03/2006 08:49

Well - I thought exactly the same thing at a 4yr old birthday party yesterday. I have up until now ALWAYS attended birthday parties with DD, and often brought DD2 (21 m younger) with me. I have to be honest though and say parties so far have been with ante natal group mums - and I know everyone anyway, quite often DH will come too (if at weekend - and the invite then is usually for adults too anyway). This was the first invite from a school friend and I WAS shocked to see that quite a lot of the children were left... I talked about it with a couple of other mums I knew who seemed rather matter of fact about it in a "well - that's what quite often happens now after they are 4"...

Well - DD1 is not 4 until July, the invitation was extended to DD2 and so I went and took both and stayed. Adult food was laid on, plus bouncy castle. We had fun together. I will continue to do this for as long as DD wants me to stay with her. She'll be grown up enough before very long for this not to be the case anymore.

I was quite pleased to see another mum whose oldest is 15 still took the time to stay with her 4 year old.

But it made me realise what the future holds for parties and how specific you have to be on the invitation eh? Sigh. It's always been so much fun up until now...

Gillian76 · 19/03/2006 08:52

Just had DDs 6th party at home with 10 children invited. My SiLs were the only parents who stayed and that's what I expected would happen.

getbakainyourjimjams · 19/03/2006 08:55

Incidentally- I'm always goiing to have the problem of being unable to take ds1 with us, and have difficulty finding childcare for him. DS2 has a very small circle of friends (because we don't go out and about because of ds1). if I limited his party attendence to days that I could go as well he'd never go, and socially I don't think that would be a very good thing.

DS3 is shaping up to be naughtier and more determined than ds2 so I may have to be more careful about leaving him, but it's stiull going to be a case of having to balance.

cazH · 19/03/2006 10:20

My son is 8 and only this year have I been able to leave him at parties. He used to hang on to me or sit on my lap so that I could not leave. I gave up and took a book otherwise he was going to miss out. I promise you by the time they are 13 they don't want you anywhere around!

Orlando · 19/03/2006 10:30

I think when it's your first child you tend to want to stay with them. By the time its number 3 or 4 you have a much more laissez-faire attitude, and so does your child.

I usually stay (with 5 yr old dd) at the soft-play places, but would hesitate to stay at someone's house unless specifically asked to. It's like QoQ says-- I ended up having to entertain 5 mums AND toddlers for dds party a couple of months ago, which was far harder than putting on games and activities for 10 little girls of the same age and interests.

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