Do your adult dc pay board?

[GoldOP]

We’ve a dd 21 and ds 18, dd has been paying board since she was about 17 as she left college to full time work. DS stayed in education and finished last summer, whilst at college he has had a job which is only contracted to work 8 hours but he picks up lots of extra shifts.
Both of them have a minimum take home wage of about 1200 but some months if he has worked loads it’s more like 14/1500. Dd is only contracted to work 20 hours and overtime isn’t frequent.
DD has been paying us £100/month board, child benefit for DS finished last month now that he has finished his education. We broached the subject with him that it’s only fair if he starts paying the same amount as his sister and he has gone into a right mood. He says he doesn’t understand why his parents are charging kids to live at home, he has extortionate car insurance to pay for etc.
I told him I paid his nan £30/week 30 years ago and I’m asking for less than that!!
At 53 I work more hours than both my kids as do a lot of overtime a lot of which is night shifts, I can’t seem to get him to understand that whilst on paper I earn a lot more than him but he has far more disposable income than me!

If your son pays for the shopping every week then aren't you, by your own definition "profiting" from him? What's the difference between him giving you money which you can put towards/spend on the shopping and him paying for it himself?

If you can't afford to support them, then it's perfectly reasonable to ask them to contribute.

Otherwise I wouldn't, personally, but I know a lot of people do.

I'm interested why your DD only works 20 hours. Is she unable to work full time?

@GoldOP everyone lists their income, outgoings. You put what it would cost them to pay an equal three way split. He'll bite your hand off to pay £25pw.

No.
my daughter is working as research assistant after she completed her masters.
she earns 1900 pcm working 3.5 days.
I’m supporting her to start her career and she’s paying off some student debt too.
she lives at home and I also pay for her phone still….
next year she’s starting a funded PhD with a stipend and at that point she will be full time and we have agreed she will take on payments for her phone. I am happy for her to live here but she might move in with her boyfriend

Yes both my adult children pay £200 a month, we need to. They both eat a lot of food and use an enormous amount of water and electricity. If I didnt charge them they would definitely waste this money on justeat or on computer games.

Your other child has paid you rent, it would be incredibly unfair to not have your other child pay it too. If he is unhappy he could always find somewhere else to live!

If you choose not to charge rent to your son, I think you should pay back all the previous rent to your other child.

🎯 well said.

DC1 did once she was on salary. Not when she was on zero hours although she would buy the family a takeaway or pay for the shopping if she’d worked a lot.
We pay DC2 £50 a week He didn’t come back after uni, lives in an expensive city and only works part time while trying to get a business off the ground. We thought it was only fair seeing as DC1 was rent free for nearly two years after uni while she found her feet.

Well whether or not others would charge their children is irrelevant I think. This is what you have done for your daughter so how would it possibly be justifiable to do differently for your son? Imagine your DD reaction if he doesn’t have to pay in the same circumstances. The difference in reaction between them IMO most
likely due to the different sexes. Your DS is becoming a man and they are way more likely to stick up for their own interests and make demands. This is what you are seeing. It’s not you being unreasonable. I’d tell him if he doesn’t like the offer, he is 18 and can go elsewhere if he prefers. Personally I’d also tell him it’s an unattractive trait to expect his 50+ mother to work even more hours to subsidise a fit young working son even more than you are already doing. I’d make it very clear you are STILL subsidising him.

My son is 18 and an apprentice. He earns £280 pw. We don’t charge his board but he does pay for his own car, car insurance etc and saves £100 a week into his savings. We will charge him when he has finished his apprenticeship and is earning a full time salary. We plan on saving this up for when he is ready to leave home and for his future.

That’s all she is contracted to work, she was doing an apprenticeship but didn’t get kept on so found another job pretty much straight away but it is only part time.
She does overtime when it’s on offer but really needs to find something full time or another part time one, she’s in employment though which is the main thing.

From the time I began my first full time job at 16 I was made to pay board. My parents treated me like an ATM. However I was paid by bank transfer so my parents never knew exactly what I earned. I tipped up the same as my friends although I earned quite a bit more. All my mail was sent to an accommodation address to keep it away from my nosy mother. When I moved out they said they didn't know how they were going to manage without my salary.

My adult DS pays £150 a month. I think charging them helps them with budgeting, bill management, and eventually allows them to make the move to independent living. Also as you charge your daughter board (and have done so for a while) I think it is only fair that you charge your son.

Not board no nor rent. They did contribute to the household bills like an adult though. I was a widow and I’m so grateful I raised adults who acted like adults and contributed. They all payed an amount into my account as the bills were in my name. I never asked them for a penny. I didn’t need to.

Thanks for everyone’s replies, for those saying it would be unfair not to charge him but charge my dd, I have no intention of doing that! She started paying board younger than he is now as she left education to work full time at 17 and I told them both they would have to pay something once in work.
Now he’s out of education the same will apply to him hence the conversation this week. It was his reaction that surprised/disappointed us as there was a sense of entitlement there.

How much did your mum charge you?