Do your adult dc pay board?

[GoldOP]

We’ve a dd 21 and ds 18, dd has been paying board since she was about 17 as she left college to full time work. DS stayed in education and finished last summer, whilst at college he has had a job which is only contracted to work 8 hours but he picks up lots of extra shifts.
Both of them have a minimum take home wage of about 1200 but some months if he has worked loads it’s more like 14/1500. Dd is only contracted to work 20 hours and overtime isn’t frequent.
DD has been paying us £100/month board, child benefit for DS finished last month now that he has finished his education. We broached the subject with him that it’s only fair if he starts paying the same amount as his sister and he has gone into a right mood. He says he doesn’t understand why his parents are charging kids to live at home, he has extortionate car insurance to pay for etc.
I told him I paid his nan £30/week 30 years ago and I’m asking for less than that!!
At 53 I work more hours than both my kids as do a lot of overtime a lot of which is night shifts, I can’t seem to get him to understand that whilst on paper I earn a lot more than him but he has far more disposable income than me!

If they earn that kind of money yes, they would pay for board.

Depends on family finances. Growing up I had to contribute to household expenses. I will give my mum quite a bit part of my salary as money was tight.

Stick to your guns, take him to do food shopping, show him how much you spend on bills, rent, mortgage, etc. How much you spent raising them, etc.

Have you tried pointing out the obvious - that it costs extra to house him in terms of food, power (his showers, charging his mobile and whatever other tech he has etc) and that, if he lived anywhere else, he wouldn’t be getting all that for £100 a week. Also, point out that if he were living elsewhere you could downsize and save a lot on your outgoings.

Absolutely, DS1 paid board till he moved out, DS2 pays board now. We treat them like adults, that includes accepting adult responsibilities.

Yes, my 18 year old pays board of 100 a month. He works about 30 hours a week

DS 18 has an apprenticeship, earns around £1300. He doesn't pay us anything on the proviso he saves money into his ISA.

£100 a month is really not a lot; tell him you are not chat him, you are asking him to contribute to his kept and you can point out how much that is; surely more than £100 per month, or take them food shopping and everyone pay part of the bill, and utilities

Yes my ds pays me £30 a week, we need it.

Your DS sounds rude and self centred. £100 per month and he is moaning? Honestly.

For me its the principle and the sense of entitlement! Tell him to find his own place if he begrudges paying his own mother £100 per month.

Yes mine pays £200 a month and manages to still save £600 to £800 a month. He runs his own car pays for his own phone etc and has plenty of money for socialising and a holiday with mates. Tell your DS to give his head a wobble.

Yes m eldest pays board ( youngest still at uni) and I save it for her for when she moves out but she doesn’t know that

My parents never charged me anything, and the reverse - financially supported me quite a lot.
I will be the same with my kids.
I think DC living at home past 24 or 25 I may feel differently. But certainly not 18 & 21 year olds. I fully expect to support my DC into early adulthood with basics like accommodation and food.
But if you can’t afford it then it’s really simple. He’ll need to pay for his own food and a share of bills.

Yes, dd did.

She went away to a specialist college aged 16 and we paid her board to her landlady for her. Then she moved away for work but got herself ito a bit of money trouble so she came back home. She was earning minimum wage full time and paid is £50 per week board plus she used to sometimes buy bits of her own food if she fancied something different than the rest of us were having.

DD started paying when she was about 20 (maybe 21 even) because she chose to study fully from home and it got to a point that I just wasn’t coping with the bills as I’m a single
parent and everything soared, she has daily 1h showers (among other issues). It was only a symbolic amount of £20/week (although she’s been working since 16) and she was still included on everything but she did resent it. I felt awful and cheap but I was hoping it would make her more appreciative.

Our agreement was that she’d pay £200/month once she finished uni but she chose to move out instead. I never told her I was planning on saving it as a surprise to her, but she seems happy to have moved out and more relaxed.

If I had the means I wouldn’t have charged anything until her mid 20s, but that just wasn’t our reality.

Good to get the views of other parents, I think if both of mine would save the money if I didn’t charge them then I may feel differently. However dd would just spend the extra cash on Shein purchases and takeaways.
Plus the money does come in handy, weekly shop has just cost me £160 and with extras throughout the week at co-op it’s more like £200,

DS1 was paying £160 per month, its not
enough really as he’s now earning £28000, but, he does pay for all his lunches/petrol etc, and is at his girlfriends 2-3 nights a week.

DS2 has just started an apprenticeship so we’re putting DS1 up to £200 per month and DS2 will start paying £160 from the end of November.

DD (18) pays £100 a month but I still pay her phone bill and gym membership so not really contributing much over that.

DS paid board till he moved out in the last couple of weeks just a token £50 per week.

Dd 20 pays £200 month - on a degree apprenticeship

The agreement is we keep it at that level as long as she saves minimum £1000 month

She has no idea we just put it into a savings account and will give it her back later in life, when she needs a house deposit etc.

ds 17 is training in the army so accommodation covered but we are saving for him too

Yes of course, they’re adults. We split all the households bills (minus the mortgage) by 4 and each adult DS pairs their share. It’s probably a quarter of what it would cost around me for a 1 bedroom flat and that’s just rent!

No mine doesn’t. He’s saving to move in with his girlfriend who has also moved in with us so they can both save. I would never take money from my kids unless I really needed to. No one I know does either.

Your children paying money for their keep doesn't pre-suppose that you are making money from them though. As I said, both our sons have/are paying keep. But DS2 (23) got more than the total keep he has paid back when we gifted him a car, and DS1 (25) had a new drive laid at our expense earlier this year (he is now a home owner, so reasonable keep didn't stop him saving!). It does teach them that they have to consider how they spend their money and that they don't get a free ride through life.

On the other hand their 36 year old cousin lives at home and has never paid my SIL a penny in keep....

Two options...pay board or move out. They will soon realise how good they have it at home.
My eldest is on an apprenticeship and pays me £100 a week. We save half for a house fund and the rest goes towards the bills

When I first started work in the 1989's my wages were £25 per week. I gave my parents £5 , paid for my bus pass and we went halves on the cost of driving lessons.