Do your adult dc pay board?

[GoldOP]

We’ve a dd 21 and ds 18, dd has been paying board since she was about 17 as she left college to full time work. DS stayed in education and finished last summer, whilst at college he has had a job which is only contracted to work 8 hours but he picks up lots of extra shifts.
Both of them have a minimum take home wage of about 1200 but some months if he has worked loads it’s more like 14/1500. Dd is only contracted to work 20 hours and overtime isn’t frequent.
DD has been paying us £100/month board, child benefit for DS finished last month now that he has finished his education. We broached the subject with him that it’s only fair if he starts paying the same amount as his sister and he has gone into a right mood. He says he doesn’t understand why his parents are charging kids to live at home, he has extortionate car insurance to pay for etc.
I told him I paid his nan £30/week 30 years ago and I’m asking for less than that!!
At 53 I work more hours than both my kids as do a lot of overtime a lot of which is night shifts, I can’t seem to get him to understand that whilst on paper I earn a lot more than him but he has far more disposable income than me!

Yes both DS (25) and DD(24) pay £200 month each. It’s a life skill learning to budget. They also both save between £700-£1000 a month. Pay for their own phones, car insurance, petrol etc.
There was absolutely no resistance or moaning about paying rent. They are both saving for house deposits.

Ds (20) has paid £100pm (basically extra council tax & v small utilities share) since he started his apprenticeship post a'levels.
He also does his own food shop & cooking.

Both my kids contributed before they left home. When they left and bought their own homes they realised how generous we'd been 😂

Not yet, but am considering it, DS has only just got a job. DD is at uni and I won’t charge anything while she’s in full time education. £100 isn’t much these days. Nothing wrong with asking for a contribution when they are earning.

Add up what he actually costs and present him with that instead - he’ll soon gladly pay the £100.

Our eldest pays £250 a month and she’s still at uni (part time working). We stipulated less but she decided that was a fair amount to cover utilities / food / board etc

She also pays her own car / phone / insurance and has done since she was 18, and has more savings than DH & I do 😳

i

Mine paid board, not because we needed it, more to get him in to the mindset of paying his way once he was earning. Also we had kids in the family lodging at various times and charged board. We put it in to a savings account then gave it back them when they were making a big life purchase (car, house, wedding etc).

my parents never charged board but they were very restrictive so I was gone as soon as I left college and got a full time job at 18.
my nephew had to pay board, and had loads of chores ( basically an unpaid servant to my deeply flawed sister).
she actively discouraged him going away to uni so she didn’t ‘lose’ him.

he got out as soon as he was able to and has very little to do with her now other than family events like Xmas and birthdays.

much the same as I was with my parents once I left.

charging them board is fine as long as you treat them as adults in every other respect, with rights and responsibilities.

Due to various complicated reasons involving higher education, years out, unemployment, and in an attempt to keep things “fair” for 4 dc all following different paths we have decided to give 2 years post 18 “room and board” for free. This doesn’t count uni years but tbf the ones who have gone so far have worked in their uni towns and only been home for shortish visits rather than months at a time. It has been a condition for the ones that are at that stage that they max out their LISA, contribute to a normal savings account or ISA, and open a SIPP rather than just spend their money on shite. None so far have breached the 2 years but they all know that they will need to contribute if they do (as a lifestyle choice - not if landing back home in crisis).

Mine don't live at home - but if they did they would pay their way. They should pay a fair share of the costs of the house, food, council tax, water, electricity etc. I wouldn't make a profit from them though.

Yep me and my siblings £100 per week and happy to do so. Since getting my own place I realise even more how quids in I was lol but how good to learn that life doesn't come for free before I left once your a working adult. Never once thought it was unfair to pay board and never had to be asked.

DD aged 26 earns well but spends like a man with no hands . I ‘m retired with moderate pension and husband has pension but is also working full time. I ask for £200 a month from DD but it’s a fight to get it and for the last few months she’s been missing a month and paying me £400 every two months .
The money she gives me has all gone into a savings account though I haven’t told her this.

I believe that it is morally wrong to bring a child into this world then ask them to pay for the privilege of living in their own home. My son does shopping and offers to assist if bills get overwhelming but I could never profit from my son, disgraceful!!!

My son, 32, benefits of £200 approximately per week. Has mental health issue but even when fully fit and working didn't pay a penny keep. It's causing friction between me and my husband. I say he should contribute £20 per week at least. My husband says not, feels sorry for him, says we have to run a home regardless. I agree but it's a matter of principle. He should pay something.

Mine earns about £40k and gives me £300. He also saves about £1000 a month. I pay for the car he shares with his sibling but he has it 90% of the time he just pays petrol. I don’t need the money he gives me but he eats at least 3 times what everyone else eats and also I don’t think it’s right that an adult of 25 with a secure job doesn’t contribute to his keep.

I have 1 at home aged 24. She has a good job.
She pays half the utilities, the 25% reduction on CT I would have got if I was living alone and about 100 towards a good shop. But I buy all toiletries etc out of that.
And I often get a basket full from M&S.
She can still afford to run a car, 3 holidays a year, savings.
Adults should be treated like adults

Sorry tough shit. Tell him to join the real world. I paid, you paid... that's life. Car insurance so what ditch the car it is his luxury. All else fails don't feed him that's what I did.

He’s complaining?!! Anything you give your children over the age of 18 is a privilege, not a right.
You need to tell him it’s not negotiable, and hardly fair if DD is paying and he isn’t. As others have said, if he doesn’t like it, he knows where the door is, and good luck finding a rental property.
If you really must, print out a total of all your outgoings and show him what it really costs.

my 20 yo pays £50 per week. She only works part time a few shifts a week around college. she was doing an apprenticeship and on a lot more so this amount wasn’t much when she was earning £1000 a month and now she earns more like £500 a month, BUT we want her to have the incentive to work and if we charged her any less she would just work less.
She really struggles with motivation, before college was doing about two shifts a week and lying in bed rest of the time, so although it’s a big chunk of her earnings we need her to be a bit skint or she would happily do the bare minimum! (other daughter complete opppsite, started working at 13 on saturdays and takes every shift she can!)

Yep 200 a month

No, but they are putting money into savings every week/month towards house deposits. If they weren’t doing that, we may consider charging board. We don’t need to take money from them and we would prefer they take this opportunity as young adults to set up for a future which will undoubtedly be financially tougher than it was for us.

Morally wrong?? Isn’t it setting them up for the real world making them pay their way? £25/ week doesn’t even come close to what he’d be paying if he moved out.
He eats like a horse, showers at least once a day, has his mobile paid for and he bought his car from the £8k he got from his child trust fund on his 18th, it was his choice to purchase a brand which attracts high insurance premiums!
He has his gf round frequently and she eats here too. I am not profiting from my kids, I work a lot of overtime to be able to have luxuries like holidays and meals out, all I ask of them is to pay £100 a month which covers what I used to get in child benefit until they left education.

Spot on; very underrated comment ! Adults that live with their parents don't eat, wipe their arses, do laundry, take showers, use heat or electricity, or inflict any kind of wear and tear on the house or furnishings. So that's an eye-watering £25 a week sheer profit going to the parents!! Talk about runaway rentier capitalism 🎩 - somebody better call Andy Burnham right now 😇!!

They aren’t children. I think that is what is confusing for some parents.

The OP wouldn't be profiting, as the amount contributed would likely not cover food and other costs for the individual themselves.

It may offend your personal morals but that's a very unusual view.

Nope. Mine range from professional roles with very good salaries to still going through uni. We allow them all to live at home without paying board to enable them to save enhanced deposits to make repayments doable when they can buy. They live quite frugally and save accordingly, if this was not the case we would charge board and put it aside in the background to hand back over for the deposit.

A few of ours who are established professionally have combined together buy a modest starter and atm they are using rental income in addition to continued saving while living at home to add another starter and another so they all end up with one (and adds an extra layer of protection should they get married etc in future). Given there is a solid plan in action, why would we derail that by charging board and why? All of them are capable of running a household financially and practically so it’s not as though that aspect would be addressed by charging $$.