Thread 56 – Covid GCSE Cohort – Spring 26 – Yr 4 Uni and Graduates

[crazycrofter]

The old thread has filled up and no one noticed - I think we're missing @oblomov26 sharp eyes!

I've tried to tag in everyone I can think of, but apologies to anyone I've missed!
@shimy @endlessdistraction @justherewithmypopcorn @mummyinbeds @aslockton @oubliettebravo @craggyrat @anothernewname460 @ealingwestmum @ewwsprouts @seeline @piggywaspushed @nctdn @icanbewhatiwant @comefromaway @heifer @kingscotestaff @delphigirl @zebracat @cantonet @socks1107 @blinkbonny @anneofcleavage

Hes always sorted drifted in and out of friendships but always been happy in his own company. Always preferred his own company which is a bit sad really as he had a best friend at nursery but never again after that. We've asked if nes depressed but he said hes not. His relatio ship withhis brother is interesting. He loves him and always looks forward to him being at home, but then doesnt spend enough time with him. Ds2 used to complain he just never comes out of his room, they dont go out together. It tnink ds2 imagined they'd be going clubbing together sort of but thats never happened. Ds2 has accepted it and found friends outside but they both love eachother dearly.

I was so relieved that DS felt he could talk to me early on. Although I was furious with him when he wasn’t attending lectures I realised it was much more than just enjoying the student life too much. He’s really funny now because when I ask him about his mental health he just dismisses it, which to me is a sign that his brain is now operating normally. He wasn’t aware of his behavioural changes which is often the case with depression.

Most young adults assume depression is just feeling sad which it isn’t. Felling miserable is just feeling miserable. Depression is like being a functional alcoholic, to the outside world you are managing but with some odd behaviour. With depression it’s easy to mask what is actually going on in your head and it can be really frightening coping with your inner voice. I had post natal depression and learned a lot about how depression really feels. I also understand how it’s so easy to miss the signs in young adults with tragic consequences.

Don’t be too hard on your DS. At least he has admitted he has been struggling. I missed the early cues with DS because I was deep in bereavement. It was very triggering for DS since my DSis had had breast cancer in her 30s and had been cancer free for nearly 20yrs. The cruel thing was that the cancer that killed her was unrelated. It has been difficult reassuring DS that it will hopefully not happen to me. Of course I can’t really make that promise.

Hopefully your DS will now be able to talk to you about what has been going on. You may only have a small window of opportunity when he feels ok about talking. Often once they have “sorted” it out with you and a solution has been found the panic and stress lifts and they start coping again.

One of DS’s flatmates has been working this year because he failed his first year, didn’t realise that he’d missed one of his retake modules so was unable to continue this academic year. He has been able to sort it out and restarts in Sept but he still hasn’t told his parents. I know DS’s other flatmates quite well, they are longterm friends from home and suggested that it may be a good idea to try and get him to open up. It’s easier for them to help DS because they know his behaviour isn’t normal for him.

When they were moaning about the other flatmates behaviour and explained his situation I did suggest that he may be struggling with depression. They agreed and have tried to give him a bit more support. Boys are a bit black and white, if someone isn’t pulling their weight with housework they don’t consider it is down to mental health problems.

Depression in young men is still a big problem because of the different way they interact with each other. They rely on social media so much and are unaware of the reality of depression and the signs and symptoms in each other. I will be eternally grateful to DS’s friends who have been a huge support for him this year. DS has also supported them in return. When I’ve asked them to watch him they have acknowledged that they were aware he was struggling. They haven’t given up on him, it’s so easy to ghost a friend who is being a fun sponge, instead they have organised activities to help him, and perhaps themselves. Most of all they’ve made sure he leaves the flat and forced him to socialise.

The biggest sign things are improving is that he’s met a girl and is building a relationship. He’s never been short of girlfriends but has struggled to connect over the last 12 months. Because he couldn’t be bothered with himself he couldn’t be bothered with anyone else. Unlike other girlfriends he’s keen to talk about her and she doesn’t seem to have any hang ups. Even though they only spend a couple of days a week with each other, because she’s on placements at the moment, it seems to be a healthy relationship.

@CrwysmamWhat a lot your family have all been through and how wonderful your DS’s friends are so supportive of each other - so wonderful to read that about young men.
This new relationship sounds very promising too.
On reading your post it made me think how similar the “irritable and down at Christmas and happier by Easter” was to family members and they are diagnosed with SAD.

Is everyone else having a sunny BH weekend where they are? I’m quite shocked how the forecast is saying all of half term is dry and hot (it’s so often wet and chilly) and I’m hoping this is not our only summer weather. It really is glorious and although I’m a lady of a certain age who struggles with the heat I daren’t complain as I love getting washing dry outside and walking everywhere without a coat 😁

@Crwysmamit sounds like he’s been through a lot. It’s great he talked through it with you. I’ve been struggling with ds1 as I’ve said on this thread before. It’s been about 6 weeks with him refusing to speak to me apart from the odd yes or no in an angry voice. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong or whether he’s depressed. He doesn’t really have friends, he’s fallen out with them all. I honestly can’t see a girl ever putting up with him. I think maybe she would at first because it will all be new and he’ll be happy and nice. But long term, she’d have to very patient and laid back. It makes me seriously worry about his future. Im at fault as well because I don’t know what to say to him. Tact isn’t my strongest point!

This is exactly how DS started. He’s normally very chatty and although we do disagree, like me it’s over and done with within minutes and then we move on. We don’t really chat much when he’s away but we do communicate via What’s App. Usually, when he’s bored he texts me and we chat. But face to face he didn’t want to know last year.

Had lost interest in going out with friends and just found them all a bit too much. It’s often the case when you are coming to terms with losing a family member. I had hoped he would not be too affected but he’s now an adult and the self centred teenager has slowly disappeared leaving a much more empathetic young man.

I realised that the full on approach wasn’t working but he eventually broke down and talked about it all. Of course, now his brain is more balanced he dismisses it all which is a relief that he’s been able to work through it. My DH’s family do have a history of severe psychosis. DH’s uncle was diagnosed with schizophrenia in his 20s and DS’s cousin, who is the same age as him, has signs that he has schizophrenic tendencies. So it has always been a concern. But DS has shown none of the classic signs so hopefully his dip is purely the result of just an overload of events.

I have bought him a SAD lamp/alarm clock because he does seem to dip over winter months.

My advice is to watch your DS like a hawk but from a distance he is comfortable with. I have had to encourage DS to go out with friends and they have tolerated his moods because they know it’s not his normal. They have also watched him. Just after DS started senior school an ex pupil committed suicide rather publically and violently. His parents blamed the school so there was a lot of adverse publicity at the time. As a result the school was much more proactive and I suspect that the support DS has had is the result of the schools action. DS has advocated for a number of pupils who experienced low grade bullying, he’s always able to spot the signs and is happy to call out others behaviour. It helps that he is a big tall rugby player, known for their gentle giant personalities but not to be messed with.

You want them to be having fun and to be happy but we’ve all been there and it’s not until you’ve lived life that you can look back and see how life is a series of ups and downs. I do think that my DS is now better prepared for life going forward. He’s always been a glass half full personality and I hope that he trains so.

Sorry to hear about all the MH issues that our young people are having.

DS had to redo a year after not coping with the death of his best friend and team mate in a sporting accident. It took him 9 months to tell us he was struggling and would fail the year. With support it worked out for him. He is struggling again with the thought of ex gf coming to work at his company next month. He still loves her, but he has recently read through some of the text she sent him and realised how awful she was to him: sweary, controlling and downright nasty in her comments about him. He offered last week to go for coffee to clear the air before she starts and was met with ‘no thanks’. He is throwing himself into sport and exercise, a bit unhealthily and obsessive. Hopefully things will be ok.

DD has been deployed overseas twice since Christmas and is off again next week. All nice places, but very long days and intense stuff. Minimal down time, days off or contact with the uk.

@Aslockton sounds stressful for your DS with the work situation and exGF. I hope it all works out okay in the end. When does your DD get to come home for a bit?

DS finally had enough of lack of Forces activity. All the people he rings are capita not actually Forces so yesterday he went to recruitment office in Leeds - you can't actually ring them. All 3 Forces are in same building so he picked to see Army as first choice. The guy there was great- really helpful and couldn't believe how absolutely useless the process was. All DS medical stuff had been sat with Army since January- who had then shut down his application for absolutely no reason. Recruitment guy was ringing medical section yesterday pm on DS behalf and gave DS the number to speak to them today. What a total farce. As centre only open Mon to Fri he won't be able to get back there except in school holidays so just hoping he can ring today and make some progress as this is beyond a joke now

That's so frustrating @craggyrat - it feels like his forces journey has been going on for years?! I hope he gets somewhere this week...

Sorry to hear about the various struggles and mental health issues too. It's hard being young these days, but all our young people have great support at home, which makes such a difference.

Nottingham crew (or those who are still left - @mummyinbeds @Oblomov26 , any others?) when are your graduations? Dd's is the morning of 29/7.

I wish DD’s graduation was in July @crazycrofterWho thought that doing graduation for graduates in education in September was a bright idea as so many will have to ask for time off from a new teaching position in their 2nd/3rd week on the job!!

What an utter farce indeed for your DS and his forces journey @craggyratFingers crossed this time it all works out.

So glad your DD is enjoying her time away @Aslockton and I think your DS was very mature to try and clear the air with ex before she starts at his work place. Fingers crossed it’s amicable and that they don’t have to cross paths much at all.

We go and help DD clear out her uni house in the hope it brings her deposit back in a timely fashion. Hope it’s a bit cooler tomorrow as we’ll be there for some time. Two of them will still be left til end of June so we’ll take pics of what we’ve done for the landlord as proof.

@craggyrat Does your DS not have a careers advisor assigned to him? DD had 'Navy Pete' at the end of the phone and would phone him every few days for an update. He was based in the Careers office in Cambridge- we do not live anywhere near Cambridge but that was the area office. Interestingly 'Navy Pete' said DD had missed the cut-off for the final selection board due to a medical document delay, only for DD to receive an email the next day with a start date for Dartmouth Naval College. So sometimes things are going on behind the scenes without careers advisors' knowledge.

Going in to the office sounds like a wise thing to do.

DD will be home next week on a flying visit on the way to the airport for her next overseas job. Since October she has been to 7 different countries! She is competing today for the Navy in her chosen sport. Last weekend she was doing an ultra marathon... this is the girl who played no sport at school and still can't catch a netball.

Thanks @Aslockton have passed that on. I think progress made today but am at work so not sure what. Definitely the sporting aspect is of prime importance to him!

@crazycrofter assuming DS passes his degree, his graduation is 24th July.
Are the other remaining Nottingham crew going to the grad ball. I have instructions to deliver DS's suit as I pass by on my way North this evening. I'm not sure it's going to fit. He informs me it will get trashed at the Ocean after party.

Well definitely made progress. Spoken to various people, more docs uploaded, things moving. One new stumbling block is the non existent kiwi fruit allergy. This only appears in GP handover notes from Cambridge back to home GP where he has been since birth. He didn't ever visit Cambridge GP. Not once! So last night I bought a sodding kiwi which he doesn't like but definitely not allergic! So back to our GP to try and get proof Atmy will accept. Our GP had already said they'd remove entry from records but that's not good enough...you can join with bee sting allergy but kiwi - nah!

That’s bizarre @craggyrat- and potentially very concerning that someone’s medical notes can be wrong (and presumably there’s another person out there with an allergy that’s missing from their notes?). Hope he can get it sorted!

That mistake is career ending for one person and life threatening for another. What a dreadful mistake.

For most people it would not matter, but for your DS it is life changing.

Has the grad ball happened @mummyinbeds ? Dd is in France visiting a friend, but she went to the grad ball last year, since most of her friends were graduating then anyway. She hasn't mentioned going again, but who knows?!

Absolutely crazy isn't it and very concerning for the other person if it is a mistake between notes and not just a compete mistake.

He does have a screenshot of GP records page which lists allergies and that only has his dust mite allergy from when he was 10 which doesn't affect joining so have sent screenshot of that whilst waiting for GP to come back. It is never ending!

@crazycrofter no, grad ball hasn't happened yet. I can't remember what date DS said but he hasn't even finished his exams yet.
Talking of exams - I took him out for dinner after his exam on Wednesday and he was actually positive about it. He'd finished both questions!! He's pretty convinced he's failed one of the law exams though (praying for a marking boycott but it won't happen)

@craggyrat my mum got a copy of her consultants report to her GP today. Apparently she has chronic kidney failure - first she'd heard about it and certainly not why she's seeing a consultant.

@mummyinbeds wow that's quite frightening!

@crazycrofter
glad your dd has hers arranged.
Ds tells me his is 25th July, but he's not going. I am very sad about this. He's going to a wedding instead, and says he'd rather go to his friends wedding than his graduation, that he has no interest in! 😢

Btw, sorry I haven't been around much. I've been very ill diabetically for a long time and fighting the hospital who insist I'm ok, which I'm clearly not.
I'll try and read back and catch up.

So sorry to hear that @Oblomov26- about your illness. I hope you get some proper help soon - keep fighting.

Just popping by, I have missed too much to reply to everyone but sending best wishes to everyone who has DC concerns or health issues, @Oblomov26 I really hope you can get some resolution and treatment quickly.

Not much news from us, DD had a lovely weekend away in Prague and is back at uni for the last few days after coming home to escape the heat in halls last week. Still jobhunting for the summer which is a hard task. DS is so busy his feet barely touch the ground at the moment with work, self employed work, volunteering and sports. Main issues here are parent-related, my DM is causing us a lot of concern, not least of which is how to persuade her to stop driving.

Hope everyone is ok. I have had a rubbish couple of weeks at work as my idea of 'micro-retiring' (going from full time to 4 days) has been very stressful. I have been given a teaching timetable next year which is a heavier workload than I have presently: changing key stages, 220 books to mark over 3 days and 12 sets of reports (I currently do 8). 25% less pay, as I am stepping down from SLT, and more work!

In other news, DD deployment was changed last minute, so we did not get to see her on the way to the airport (she flew from a different airport to a different European country). However, she had some lovely news with a letter from a RAdm to say she has been awarded a medal and she has invited us to the ceremony and lunch in July. I can not say the title of the medal as it is only awarded to one junior officer a year. It is for achieving the highest overall exam results for the year. Proud mum moment.