Thread 56 – Covid GCSE Cohort – Spring 26 – Yr 4 Uni and Graduates

[crazycrofter]

The old thread has filled up and no one noticed - I think we're missing @oblomov26 sharp eyes!

I've tried to tag in everyone I can think of, but apologies to anyone I've missed!
@shimy @endlessdistraction @justherewithmypopcorn @mummyinbeds @aslockton @oubliettebravo @craggyrat @anothernewname460 @ealingwestmum @ewwsprouts @seeline @piggywaspushed @nctdn @icanbewhatiwant @comefromaway @heifer @kingscotestaff @delphigirl @zebracat @cantonet @socks1107 @blinkbonny @anneofcleavage

Thanks @crazycrofter

Thank you for carrying on the thread @crazycrofter

Well spotted @crazycrofterThanks for the new thread 😁

Thank you @crazycrofter - can't believe we've filled another thread!

@icanbewhatiwant following on from your last post - I would sit down with him and ask him how he feels about living at home, has he noticed a bad atmosphere, what are you/dh doing that makes him feel uncomfortable/unhappy, how can things change. Then once he's said his piece, you can explain how you've been feeling and that, as he's now an adult, the relationship should be more equal - you're kindly allowing him to live there rent-free, but he needs to be considerate and play his part, whether that's helping with chores or just being a pleasant housemate. I would be telling him he's not entitled to live rent-free with his parents at 25, so that he can spend his money on travelling - it's a privilege and you're effectively contributing to his travel money. So he needs to change his attitude!

We're an incredibly 'talky' family though - particularly dh and dd, who have to talk everything through, iron out any differences, get apologies where necessary etc. If you're not like that naturally, it might be more tricky. But he needs to develop the skills to live with people and be considerate, so you're doing him a favour by addressing it!

Thank you @crazycrofter - that crept up quickly!

@icanbewhatiwant we have problems with our DS (24) living at home, but I don't think quite on the same scale as you. It's very difficult, because they want (and need) their independence, but at the same time they are sharing a home with others. I think the hardest thing we find is the different hours kept, and a different approach to life in general. He would do more to help round the house if we were happy with him loading the dishwasher at midnight, or doing laundry at 3am for example, but we're stuck in our ways, have jobs, need to get up early etc and getting woken in the night is not great. Similarly he seems happy not knowing what is happening from hour to hour, whereas we like to meal plan for the week etc so when he says with 30 minutes notice that he out for the evening, it can get a little annoying.... We have had a strong talk about late nights/early mornings are for Fridays and Saturdays after we were woken several times midweek at about 3 am. Anyway - you have my sympathies.

I can imagine that this must be very difficult.

My kids always knew from the age of about 16 that once they left school or college they had to contribute to the household. (if they were renting whilst away at uni they could of course come home for free in the holidays) and they had to abide by the general rule of the household. Because dd went away aged 16 to a specialist dance college she lodged with a landlady at an earlier age than most so was used to the fact that although she was independent, there were still rules to follow/

Thanks crazy.

@bluemarigold - just tagging you too!

@crazycrofterthanks. Yes I know you are right. I find stuff like that hard to say. I am probably as bad as Ds. Since teen age I’ve found ds1 and ds3 difficult to talk to. Ds2 is easy to get along with. When he was home from university last time, he came on a dog walk, we chatted constantly for 45 mins or so. It was lovely. If I go with ds1 he just tells me I’m wrong or stupid, or if I ask him something he says he’s told me the answer before. So now I don’t ask him on dog walks because it’s too much hard work. Ds3 isn’t as bad as ds1 but I do struggle with him occasionally.
Ds2 has always been popular and gets on with anybody apart from ds1. He says he hates the way he speaks to him, us and other people and that I should kick him out, he says he’s arrogant and too self important. But the thing is, I don’t think ds1 realises that that is how he comes across.
I am sure I said on here that I lost my dm at the start of March. Clearing her place I’ve found lots of photos of me and the dc’s. It’s been lovely reminiscing, but also sad seeing ds1 smiling and happy. He’s never like that now. Anyway…enough about my ds’s.

He sounds depressed @icanbewhatiwant- as well as being a difficult character. I’m sorry you’re struggling with him; hopefully it will get easier once he’s able to move out. But in the meantime I think you’d benefit from having a proper talk with him, however hard that prospect seems. Just let him talk initially and apologise where appropriate? Good luck anyway!

On a different subject, it’s so annoying when ‘that’ poster hijacks a thread with their patronising, judgemental comments! Why do they have to do it?!

Thanks @crazycrofter back later

I'm sorry you're having issues with your eldest @icanbewhatiwant. I can't give you any advice but do you think he may have some autistic tendencies ?
I swear that teenage hormones caused a big change in my youngest & he went from a very happy sociable boy at 12 to a horrible one, with autism diagnosed at 16. He said he just started to feel different & felt uncomfortable with everything. It was nothing he could change at the time. Its like a locked in syndrome & it's very difficult to show emotion until you literally explode over something. Can you try putting something in writing? Whats app works for us & conversation on car journeys as it avoids the intense face to face & eye contact issue.

@Cantonetyes I’ve said from primary age that I think he’s autistic. One thing I think he struggles with is knowing how others feel. He also found it hard to fit in with his peers. The primary school head teacher asked why I wanted a label for him, so I didn’t ask again. I feel the same about ds3. Ds2 calls them both autistic to their faces 🤦‍♀️

@crazycrofterhe wont make conversation with me so im not sure how a chat will go. I said good morning in a cheerful voice this morning. No reply. I chatted to the dogs and made ds3’s packed lunch. Then wished him a good day at work. No reply.
When he came home from work yesterday I asked if he’d had a good day as so far he’s been working from home in his new job, this week is the start of working outside on various jobs. His reply was “no, not really, it’s very difficult” I said hopefully it’ll get easier as you learn more. So he told me there’s no way I’d be able to do it. But as least it was a minute or so of conversation. When he is talking to me, I’ll ask him something and he does a huge sign before replying. The funniest was when I asked if he wanted a cup of tea, huge sigh followed by yes. All that does is make me laugh. But yes, he probably is depressed as he’s fallen out with all his friends from school and uni. apart from 2 who he’s started seeing again. Plus a new friend he met in New Zealand, he lives about an hour and a half away and is working for the same company as Ds. So I hope he can remain friends with him. Ds invited this new friend here for his birthday, Ds didn’t tell me he was coming, which is fine, but he put him in ds2’s bedroom for the night, I hadn’t cleaned the room or changed his sheets. Poor lad.

It makes me so cross to heat people say that about labels. An education professional should know better.

@crazycrofter What did your DD do about the two job offers?

Thanks for the new thread.

@aslockton she emailed Mind HR (she was supposed to be sending the signed contract for the first job to them) and explained that she’d been offered the second job and would like to accept it, could they please pass her apologies to the first job etc. It was fine, it seems as if the same person was dealing with both, so she just said for her to send her ID docs and she’d get a new contract out! She feels she definitely made the right decision, this role will be 9-5, not shifts, and early intervention rather than a crisis home.

That is excellent news @crazycrofter. Sounds like a great outcome.

Three more rejections today for DS1 . House of Lords admin type job, Probation Officer (failed sift AGAIN) and some kind of other vague job.

So sorry to hear that @Piggywaspushed :(

Has he tried prison officer jobs? Not the nicest option I know, but well paid - two of ds' school friends have got in in the last year, both just with A Levels. We're rooting for him to find something..

I don't want him doing that to be honest. Got to be a line.

My first job was working in a prison. I did it in my gap year! It was the only year I have had out of education since I was 5. It was working in the offices, mind you. Lots of civil servants work in prisons. It was an interesting time as the job started off as a Young Offenders Institution, then the Strangeways riots happened, and over the course of a week all the young offenders were bussed out and the prison turned into a Rule 43 institution (for prisoners who it is unsafe to be in the regular prison population). I believe it still is a Rule 43 prison.

Funny story: One of my jobs was to write up the chaplaincy records. The RC priest came to see me as I had put down 'burglary' thinking someone could not spell. As an 18 year old, I did not know there was an offence called 'bu**ery', that quite a few of these men were in for. I don't know who was more embarrassed!

@Piggywaspushed Has he applied for any court jobs?

I think so. He's applied for just about everything.