Thank you @AnneOfCleavage , @Comefromaway, @crazycrofter for your kind comments, I really didn't mean to create a downer and overall, her experience of studying there has been overwhelmingly positive. And DH's extended family both south and north have really enjoyed getting to know her. It's all just symptomatic of the times we're in isn't it?
The good thing that's come out of the last few years is that my husband has finally realised how inappropriate coming out with daft stuff like 'but she's not even that brown...' is, and then not understanding why he's in the dog house for doubling down :) He's finally got it, and in his defence, I never really referred to the slurs early marriage as it was a normalised part of growing up.
We're not naive to think it'll never happen @crazycrofter and the north has its own challenges and history, but so far, all our experiences has been overwhelmingly positive. People ask, really ask why she's there, what brings us to their region when DH and I visit, and seem to take it as a compliment that she has chosen to live the next part of her life there. It is small, insular and does have less diversity but still somehow does not come across as racist - just more direct and inquisitive.
There is such a clear difference between innocent ignorance and malice. Intent is key to everything. I personally never have a problem answering the 'but no, where are you really from' but I can understand those that do find it offensive. I'm just happy when people engage sensibly than have all this rage that's fuelled by the small minded few.