Irresponsible 30 year old

[loveroffashion]

I’m getting more and more frustrated at my 30year old daughter who still lives at home . She has a boyfriend and they hope to one day afford their own home . However stm she’s driving me mad as she is so irresponsible . She does nothing in the house no cleaning occasional cooking no washing ironing I do it all as I don’t work . Tonight she’s cooked a meal to take to work and it’s been left in the kitchen to cool . She has however got into bed no phone set for work no food put in fridge as she’s made 3 lots for the week . It’s like nothing sinks in and I’m constantly on at her but she just never learns . Every night her light is left on all night and the times I’ve told her to turn the bloody thing off but it just never sinks in . When I ask her to do something I have to keep asking and asking over and over again . Is there something mentally going on or is she just lazy and completely relies on me .
its absolutely draining me but I can’t help wondering have I caused this ?
her bf is completely opposite he has to do everything for himself and it shows he’s so independent . Can this be changed or is it too late ? I can’t imagine how she’s gonna run her own home . Please don’t say kick her out cus I’m not gonna do that when she can’t afford her own home at present

Agree, there was a lot of growing up that I don't feel I did until I moved out and that's a big problem for society when there a so many forced into an extended adolescence by the housing situation.

Agree, stop doing things for her as much as you can and try to detach a bit.

I think it is because she isn't doing what she has been asked so it has become a hill the op will die on ! It is just pissing her off which is fair so the Dd is digging her heels in like a teenager so they are stuck in a cycle.

I totally agree it’s an awful situation for young people nowadays . I totally agree while I’m doing a wash it seems mad to not do a full load inc her stuff . I totally get where people are coming from while I’m doing she isn’t . I’ve told her this morning next time food is left out it stays there END OF . I guess I’m too soft . I think my hubbys the same their attitude is oh she’s at home all day and has plenty of time to do it . I also guess I feel guilty for that reason

Exactly . What is so difficult about turning lights off before bed . I’m sure 99% of us do it as a matter of course .

I sure am it’s draining keeping on and the penny does not drop . Yes she will sure have the shock of her life when she does leave home I’m sure

I agree I’m always there to mop up the shit . I agree it’s a ridiculous situation and I’m to blame I guess . We think we are being kind and a good mum when I guess we are making the situation worse

As said previously it’s not the actual leaving the light on to burn pence but it’s just laziness

Basically cost and they’ve only been together 2 years as yet . It’s becoming harder and harder for young people to leave home surely you know this

I think the answer is she’s 14 tho not 30

How long has she been working for, OP? Always full time? Minimum wage?

Thing is that’s great and I wish that was my situ but it’s not at the min and I’m sure I’m not alone with the current housing market . I can’t say I want you to get a house and be out by x month . Sadly it doesn’t work like that as we know wages are poor and mortgages/rent are extortionate .
I agree most 30 year olds have homes kids etc but not everyone is so fortunate in today’s society

She was 30 hours since school then this year changed to full time . She’s on min wage yes

Okay. And guessing she's not been paying you any rent? Did she finish at 16 or go to college/university?

You should definitely stop doing everything for her. She's a grown up now, she should take responsibility now.

I'd bung the food in the fridge for her, but I wouldn't be waking her up or doing her laundry. Or ironing!

I do see what you mean now you're retired and at home ... people expect you to do these things but it isn't fair.

My friend has recently retired and she has all three of her kids back at home now ... late 20s and she's cooking and cleaning for a big family still. It's not the retirement she was hoping for!

I don’t wake her up now that stopped a while ago . I definitely think family take the p when your at home all day . They think that’s an excuse for us to do everything . Both hubby and dd mention this fact which makes me feel guilty . Gosh 3 back at home that must be so hard for her

She went to a local uni but she has always paid board since she’s been working . I’ve always believed they should

So on minimum wage, paying board at home, factoring in any commute costs, expenses etc, plus some fun money, she's probably still had opportunity to save 100-200 a month at minimum for lets say... 8 years. Thats 10-20k. Has she got anything saved?

I appreciate that is difficult but she is 30 and treating you and your home with such disrespect, she is a grown woman a proper adult and making no effort to start her life,

OP this has nothing to do with today’s society and everything to do with your daughter. There are 30 year olds up and down the country with homes, mortgages and children. You are doing your child no favours by constantly making excuses for her.

Of course, but they don’t have to move straight into ownership. I wasn’t disputing the difficulty of buying property, I was saying that going from living apart straight into ownership and living together is a recipe for disaster.

To me, I find it really wasteful. And lazy. Yes the cost might be pennies but if you can’t look after the pennies ….

It just adds to an overall vibe of thoughtlessness and a lack of awareness that utilities are not free - if someone else wasn’t paying would you leave the lights on?

I’m certainly not making excuses for her it is a hard world out there … that’s a fact not an excuse

Exactly

Is she possibly struggling with ADHD?