I am a mother of two children - a son who is 18 and a daughter who is 17. Their father passed away several years ago. Some time after, I entered into a relationship with a man without fully realising the extent of the personal and emotional baggage he carried. He has three ex‑wives and five children. From the beginning, we mutually agreed that we would not have children together, as my priority has always been my own children.
Over the course of the relationship, I found myself constantly trying to please him, often at the expense of my own wellbeing. Many of our conflicts have centred around his past relationships - specifically situations where his ex‑partner would stay overnight with their child. He repeatedly insisted this was normal and necessary in order for him to see his child. I accepted this at the time, but looking back, I realise it was naïve of me to consider it appropriate.
We eventually married, but the issues have not improved. In fact, many of his behaviours have become more apparent and concerning. He is controlling, and he often refers to himself as an “alpha male.” During disagreements, he consistently places blame on me, regardless of the situation. When I attempt to express my feelings, he criticises the way I speak, stand, or behave - claiming I “talk like a man” or “stand like a man.” As a result, I am frequently left feeling emotionally burdened and exhausted.
A significant and ongoing issue is his attitude toward my children. He refuses to take any responsibility for them and frequently finds fault in even the smallest things they do. His behaviour suggests he does not want them in the home and wants my attention solely focused on him. His frustration is evident through actions such as slamming doors or kicking my son’s belongings out of the way. This has created an uncomfortable and unhappy environment for my children.
I am struggling with the emotional and physical load of running the household almost entirely on my own - something we once shared. My children are not happy, and neither am I. I cared for my children on my own before this relationship, and I am capable of doing so again if needed.
I am now at a point where I am unsure what steps to take next.