Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

Celebrating graduation?

65 replies

cakedup · 22/01/2026 11:54

Ds not graduating until the summer, but a friend's ds recently graduated and their ds chose to celebrate with friends after the ceremony.

I thought going out for a meal with your family was the done thing? I mentioned to friend who said 'what 21 year old really wants to celebrate with family?' Am I wrong?

For context, ds lives at home and is not social - never goes out with friends and only has a few. He prefers to socialise on playstation which involves a few drinks at the weekend. He hates a big fuss, gets embarassed easily.

I will obviously ask him nearer the time but also want to know whether I should encourage a celebration as he might just say he's not fussed. I just want to make it special as its a big deal, he has struggled with school (dyslexic) all his life.

I'll probably be the only one attending his graduation. Then I was thinking afterwards to go for a meal nearby with my partner and/or my dad (partner has health issues). Then maybe go for drinks after if he wants.

He does have a couple of friend's at uni but I assumed they would be with their own families.

What did you do or are planning to do?

OP posts:
NetballHoop · 22/01/2026 11:58

All of mine wanted to go out with their friends one last time in their university city.

We just left them to it and went out for a meal ourselves.

murasaki · 22/01/2026 11:59

My parents drove up with a picnic which we had on the college grass, as was traditional. Post ceremony there was a drinks reception at the venue, then we walked back to college for another where I spent ages trying to move my parents away from my lecturers, who were pursuing us round the gardens, my friends were doing the same! They then kindly left, having given me cash to go out on the lash with my friends.

It will depend both on the structure of the day, and the personality of your child, yours doesn't sound like he'd necessarily want to go out with uni mates, I'd ask him what he fancies doing and run with that, bearing in mind it may change!

I hope you all have a lovely day.

Original poster
cakedup · 22/01/2026 12:47

murasaki · 22/01/2026 11:59

My parents drove up with a picnic which we had on the college grass, as was traditional. Post ceremony there was a drinks reception at the venue, then we walked back to college for another where I spent ages trying to move my parents away from my lecturers, who were pursuing us round the gardens, my friends were doing the same! They then kindly left, having given me cash to go out on the lash with my friends.

It will depend both on the structure of the day, and the personality of your child, yours doesn't sound like he'd necessarily want to go out with uni mates, I'd ask him what he fancies doing and run with that, bearing in mind it may change!

I hope you all have a lovely day.

Thank you! I will probably feel compelled to gush over his tutors and thank them for their support and tell them how much it means to us....but I know I have to refrain from doing this. Perhaps if most of his uni friends go out together he might join them on this occasion.

Was the picnic traditional to your uni specifically?

I didn't do my degree until I was 40 and ds was a young boy. I didn't even go to my graduation!! I just went with ds to hand in my dissertation, burst into tears, came home and fell asleep, giving ds the treat of his life to watch TV all day.

OP posts:
Original poster
cakedup · 22/01/2026 12:49

NetballHoop · 22/01/2026 11:58

All of mine wanted to go out with their friends one last time in their university city.

We just left them to it and went out for a meal ourselves.

Gosh I really thought the family meal was an important part! I don't even know where I got the idea from.

OP posts:
murasaki · 22/01/2026 12:53

cakedup · 22/01/2026 12:47

Thank you! I will probably feel compelled to gush over his tutors and thank them for their support and tell them how much it means to us....but I know I have to refrain from doing this. Perhaps if most of his uni friends go out together he might join them on this occasion.

Was the picnic traditional to your uni specifically?

I didn't do my degree until I was 40 and ds was a young boy. I didn't even go to my graduation!! I just went with ds to hand in my dissertation, burst into tears, came home and fell asleep, giving ds the treat of his life to watch TV all day.

Show quote history

It might just have been my college within the university, although j suspect others did similar. It was lovely though, lots of families sitting in the grass being happy.

I'm sure you'll have a great day whatever shape it looks like! You can always email the tutors afterwards...

HeddaGarbled · 22/01/2026 12:56

We took ours out for slap-up dinners: more expensive restaurants than we’d usually go to. Some of their friends were doing similar and those who weren’t (mostly the international students whose parent’s couldn’t attend) went out together.

Mine claimed not to feel they were missing out on time with friends. They’d had lots of celebratory nights out between exams and graduation and I think the draw of a posh restaurant was strong.

elliejjtiny · 22/01/2026 13:10

When i graduated I went out for a meal afterwards with my dh, parents and inlaws. That's what most people did I think. If you paid extra to the university you could wear your gown and hat thing (not sure how you spell it) for your meal out but only one person I know did that.

My eldest ds is only in 1st year so not sure what we will be doing yet but something similar i expect.

mondaytosunday · 22/01/2026 13:11

My parents treated me and several of my friends to a meal out. I went to uni abroad and we were all living on a shoestring so this was a rare outing at a really nice restaurant and we had a fantastic meal.
My DD will graduate next year and it will be a family meal - she’s not at all interested in celebrating with friends. If I’m driving six hours there I’d be annoyed to be passed over for friends she’s seen every day for several months!

SheWillBeTheDeathOfMe · 22/01/2026 13:13

We took DS and this then girlfriend out for a v late lunch at a lovely restaurant and then drive home and he went out with his friends.

ohtowinthelottery · 22/01/2026 13:20

We travelled back to DS's Uni city with him for his much delayed graduation (thanks Covid). Our original plan had been to take him for a meal after the ceremony, but DS suggested that we took him the night before (had to stay the previous night due to distance) as he wanted to go out with friends after the ceremony. So we did.
As it turned out, we had a couple of drinks with DS, his friends, and some of the friends' families after the ceremony, and then returned to our accomodation and left DS with his mates to enjoy their evening.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 22/01/2026 13:24

I don't think there is a right or wrong way of doing this.

Sociable dc may well want to celebrate with friends on the day of the graduation itself - if that's the case, a special family celebration can always be held on a separate day instead.

Less sociable dc might prefer a quieter celebration with family. That's fine too.

Either way, I think it should be led by whatever the dc wants. Graduating is their achievement and they should be encouraged to celebrate it in whatever way feels appropriate to them.

Aligirlbear · 22/01/2026 13:28

When my DSS graduated we went to the ceremony and then to a drinks reception at the college. He then went out with his friends and we took him out for a celebratory dinner later in the week. My niece and nephew did same - went to the drinks after the ceremony with their parents and then went out to celebrate with friends.

i would ask your DS what he might like to do but be prepared for him to change his mind nearer the time . If he goes out with friends you can always have a celebratory lunch / dinner in the following days / week so he gets both !

Original poster
cakedup · 22/01/2026 13:42

HeddaGarbled · 22/01/2026 12:56

We took ours out for slap-up dinners: more expensive restaurants than we’d usually go to. Some of their friends were doing similar and those who weren’t (mostly the international students whose parent’s couldn’t attend) went out together.

Mine claimed not to feel they were missing out on time with friends. They’d had lots of celebratory nights out between exams and graduation and I think the draw of a posh restaurant was strong.

Ds won't be into posh restaurants, he's quite fussy and basic so it'll be wasted on him!

OP posts:
Original poster
cakedup · 22/01/2026 13:45

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 22/01/2026 13:24

I don't think there is a right or wrong way of doing this.

Sociable dc may well want to celebrate with friends on the day of the graduation itself - if that's the case, a special family celebration can always be held on a separate day instead.

Less sociable dc might prefer a quieter celebration with family. That's fine too.

Either way, I think it should be led by whatever the dc wants. Graduating is their achievement and they should be encouraged to celebrate it in whatever way feels appropriate to them.

Absolutely agree, I just want to give him some options at least.

OP posts:
MrsAvocet · 22/01/2026 13:46

We went out for a family meal the night before. Neither we, nor DC did anything afterwards as we had a long drive home.
Back in the mists of time, there was a Graduation Ball at my University so I went to that and my parents justwent home after the ceremony.
Do whatever suits you all. There's no right or wrong.

Original poster
cakedup · 22/01/2026 13:47

Thanks everyone, good to hear about your experiences.

OP posts:
Strumpetpumpet · 23/01/2026 06:43

My DS graduated last summer. His ceremony was in the morning, so we went for a late lunch with him which was lovely. He went out with his course friends in the evening which was fine with us. He had a ball at university and loved every moment, so it was nice for him to end on a high with his friends. It was a lovely day xx

TolkienProd · 23/01/2026 20:12

Most people I know, me included, went out for a meal with family after graduation. I don’t think there’s a ‘done thing’ as such though. Ultimately it’s about your kids achievements so surely you let them celebrate how they want to.

To be honest, given a completely free choice in the matter, I wouldn’t have gone to graduation - thought it was a total waste of time and I have very little interest in celebrating perceived achievements - only did it to make my parents happy. If it were up to me I’d have never set foot on campus again the minute I finished my final exam

Foggytree · 23/01/2026 20:16

We went out for a meal with DD - she chose the restaurant.

She also celebrated separately with her uni friends over the week that they were graduating.

Prettyflowerstoo · 23/01/2026 20:19

We had a delivery at home as anything else would have been tolerated by ours. We all enjoyed that.

SwirlyGates · 23/01/2026 20:20

To me it's definitely a family affair. That's how it was when I was young, and that's what we did with our kids - had some time together, took lots of photos, and went out for nice meals. As far as I paid any attention to other people, they all seemed to be doing the same.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 23/01/2026 20:32

There's no reason why they can't do both, have a nice lunch with you first, maybe it could involve meeting their friends over a drink before thatm then they can go off and do drinks/clubbing/whatever they want with friends later in the day or that evening.

Most parents who are travelling a long way will like to spend SOME time with their child, who they've probably supported financially and emotionally through uni, especially if they already have a job and are now not living back in the family home.

For my son's this year, we will make an occasion of it, as it's the type of uni that you do anyway. We are so so proud of his academic achievements and I know he will be too.

Furlane · 23/01/2026 20:33

my parents went to the graduation ceremony. The uni laid on food and drinks. Had a lovely time and my parents left around 7pm and all the grads went out after. It was a great day.

titchy · 23/01/2026 20:39

Veteran of four graduations (and a fifth to come…) All have included slap up family meal afterwards, lunch or dinner depending on graduation timings.

Wont affect you OP I assume, but anyone form far away, book hotels and restaurants early!

SwirlyGates · 23/01/2026 20:44

titchy · 23/01/2026 20:39

Veteran of four graduations (and a fifth to come…) All have included slap up family meal afterwards, lunch or dinner depending on graduation timings.

Wont affect you OP I assume, but anyone form far away, book hotels and restaurants early!

Yes, we booked in January once we knew graduation dates.