Celebrating graduation?

[cakedup]

Ds not graduating until the summer, but a friend's ds recently graduated and their ds chose to celebrate with friends after the ceremony.

I thought going out for a meal with your family was the done thing? I mentioned to friend who said 'what 21 year old really wants to celebrate with family?' Am I wrong?

For context, ds lives at home and is not social - never goes out with friends and only has a few. He prefers to socialise on playstation which involves a few drinks at the weekend. He hates a big fuss, gets embarassed easily.

I will obviously ask him nearer the time but also want to know whether I should encourage a celebration as he might just say he's not fussed. I just want to make it special as its a big deal, he has struggled with school (dyslexic) all his life.

I'll probably be the only one attending his graduation. Then I was thinking afterwards to go for a meal nearby with my partner and/or my dad (partner has health issues). Then maybe go for drinks after if he wants.

He does have a couple of friend's at uni but I assumed they would be with their own families.

What did you do or are planning to do?

We went for a family meal, last year after my daughters graduation and my daughters boyfriend family inc daughter did the same at his graduation.

The family meal is traditionally an important part. My son graduated last year and we had dinner with him that evening. The whole city was full of families celebrating with their graduate children.

We had a family meal

I have had 3 dc graduate. All three, plus all their friends, went for an early evening meal with family and then went out with their friends for the night.

My assumption is that every graduate/family just does what's right for them.

It is amazing how big/important the graduation ceremony has become over the last few decades. When I went to university attending a graduation ceremony at all felt very optional. I didn't bother with it, until I encountered some admin wrinkle that meant I had to formally graduate in order to do something or other related to my post-grad position.

And when I did finally attend a formal graduation ceremony it didn't occur to me to invite my parents. It was a me thing, not a family thing.

The current convention of making a big deal of the ceremony feels American to me.

Really? I graduated more than 30 years ago and almost everybody’s parents came.

I will probably feel compelled to gush over his tutors and thank them for their support and tell them how much it means to us....but I know I have to refrain from doing this.

Aw - as a tutor I always appreciate it. Especially when it's a student I have dragged kicking and screaming through four years of struggle (of course I don't say that to the parents!)

A family meal is a very nice idea. May depend on which graduation he's attending - after morning graduations our local restaurants are full of families having a posh lunch. Tell your DC that you'd like to take him out and ask him if he'd like that or if he'd rather go out with his pals. Give him a chance to find out out was his friends are doing and decide.

Agree. I think it has become discussed more and a bigger thing in society than it used to be, simply because more people go to University, but parents have always gone. It's getting on for 40 years since I graduated and virtually all my friends attended and had their parents with them. Personally I wasn't that bothered but my parents really wanted to go so I did. I would say the percentage of students graduating in absentia was no higher at my graduation than at my son's last year.

Perhaps I was less typical than I thought, then. This was in the late eighties. I'm pretty sure it was less of a deal then, at least in the university I went to. But it may be that i was at the less celebratory end of what was normal in those days.

If the trend is towards making a bigger thing of graduation ceremonies than it used to be, this would fit very well with other trends. Eg the 'prom' event for people leaving secondary school, which was unheard of in the UK until relatively recently. And the generally higher involvement of parents in their children's university attendance.

Children were much more 'left alone' with their university endeavours, and with their achievements generally, in the past. These days the obsession with celebrating achievements and transitions begins early, with tiny children being given certificates for the smallest things, like completing a package of toddler football lessons or whatever.

I graduated 40 years ago. It was a family affair then too.

Go with what he wants to do.

DS wants his girlfriend to attend his. Only 2 tickets are available so DH and I may have to toss a coin! Hoping there may be some spare tickets

Went out with my family the night before for a meal then friends after the ceremony and family went home.

My son graduated last year. he didn’t really find his tribe at Uni. We went to the ceremony, had a meal and drinks as a family in his uni city, stayed over in a hotel and then came home. Once home he went out with friends from school who had also recently graduated.

The current convention of making a big deal of the ceremony feels American to me

No, that’s not right. I graduated in 1981 and I think it was more of a big thing than now. It was unusual not to attend and unusual for parents not to be very involved. There was the occasional rebel or person without family to come, but there wouldn’t be many.

I graduated 30 years ago and both my parents attended. We were a very small course (20 students graduated) so we had a lunch for all graduates and parents at a local pub which was really nice then went out for a family meal in the evening. So yes, graduations just as big a thing then than now! For both my dc we had drinks with their friends and parents after the ceremony then had a family meal. They then went out with their own friends afterwards.

I graduated from a small university in the late 80s. It was a very big deal, everyone had their families there, stayed around for ages taking photos in groups with friends as well as families. Meal with families afterwards and graduation ball in the evening. I hate this way of talking down any sort of celebration that's more than a cup of tea and piece of cake as having been Americanised.

My DS had a morning ceremony. We travelled up the night before and went for a low key but nice pub meal. We said it was up to him what he did afterwards, he wasn't sure so we didn't book anywhere but it was another small town uni so we were pretty sure we could have driven somewhere and got in without too much difficulty. As it was by the time he graduated he was mainly friends with students in the year below so not many he really knew there so once we'd done drinks and nibbles on the lawn and he'd chatted to a few staff members we headed home. He's never wanted a fuss made of birthdays either.

Four had a family meal. One had a party with friends.
All who had a family meal had partied the night before with friends, apart from one who had strep. The party-with-friends DC had also had a party with friends the night before. I was perfectly happy to do whatever the DCs wanted - they had earned their degrees after all. The meals were all in places they themselves liked and had happy university memories from, so all were very cheap and cheerful.

All of the graduations were from American universities, fwiw.

First DC’s graduation plus photos took most of the day, then we all changed into something less formal and had dinner at their favourite place, nice but not super posh. Then they went clubbing with friends. Second DC is more low-key so we went for pizza, they hung out with friends, then left next morning to go travelling. Our other DC graduated in absentia as they had already gone abroad for work.

Doesn’t sound like he’d have the option of celebrating with friends anyway?

My dc’s graduations all happened some weeks/months after they had left, and were at different times/days according to subject, so their closest friends (e.g from student houses) weren’t always there anyway. They saw their course friends and there were always receptions afterwards, but I don’t recall there being any big parties/nights out, mainly because none of them had any accommodation to go back to! We’ve always done family meals op (x4, so far!)

We did a family breakfast at a lovely restaurant in the morning of graduation then left them to go out with their friends afterwards which worked perfectly.

Exact same last summer. After we'd had the meal I said to DS we wouldn't mind if he wanted to go for a few drinks with friends but he said no everyone was with their families.

It's a massive achievement for DS, I hope he'll want to mark it as much as I do but will ultimately follow his lead.

Good to know I wasn't imagining it!

Sounds like something ds would enjoy too but he may surprise me!