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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

Celebrating graduation?

65 replies

cakedup · 22/01/2026 11:54

Ds not graduating until the summer, but a friend's ds recently graduated and their ds chose to celebrate with friends after the ceremony.

I thought going out for a meal with your family was the done thing? I mentioned to friend who said 'what 21 year old really wants to celebrate with family?' Am I wrong?

For context, ds lives at home and is not social - never goes out with friends and only has a few. He prefers to socialise on playstation which involves a few drinks at the weekend. He hates a big fuss, gets embarassed easily.

I will obviously ask him nearer the time but also want to know whether I should encourage a celebration as he might just say he's not fussed. I just want to make it special as its a big deal, he has struggled with school (dyslexic) all his life.

I'll probably be the only one attending his graduation. Then I was thinking afterwards to go for a meal nearby with my partner and/or my dad (partner has health issues). Then maybe go for drinks after if he wants.

He does have a couple of friend's at uni but I assumed they would be with their own families.

What did you do or are planning to do?

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Original poster
cakedup · 25/01/2026 12:49

CurlyhairedAssassin · 23/01/2026 20:32

There's no reason why they can't do both, have a nice lunch with you first, maybe it could involve meeting their friends over a drink before thatm then they can go off and do drinks/clubbing/whatever they want with friends later in the day or that evening.

Most parents who are travelling a long way will like to spend SOME time with their child, who they've probably supported financially and emotionally through uni, especially if they already have a job and are now not living back in the family home.

For my son's this year, we will make an occasion of it, as it's the type of uni that you do anyway. We are so so proud of his academic achievements and I know he will be too.

Edited

The uni, graduation and where we live all in London so no major travelling involved for us

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Caughtletren · 25/01/2026 14:13

cakedup · 25/01/2026 12:44

Good to know I wasn't imagining it!

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But it doesn’t mean it would work for your family. Your DS won’t want a family meal out. And likely won’t want to celebrate with friends.

In your shoes…. Head back home and say that whatever takeaway he fancies…. That’s what you’ll order.

Original poster
cakedup · 25/01/2026 19:53

Caughtletren · 24/01/2026 19:03

Doesn’t sound like he’d have the option of celebrating with friends anyway?

He has made a few friends there, one in particular, but just hasn't socialised with them outside of uni.

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Original poster
cakedup · 25/01/2026 19:57

Caughtletren · 25/01/2026 14:13

But it doesn’t mean it would work for your family. Your DS won’t want a family meal out. And likely won’t want to celebrate with friends.

In your shoes…. Head back home and say that whatever takeaway he fancies…. That’s what you’ll order.

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I can give him the option but will go with whatever he wants. I'm now wondering if he'll be into going to the graduation at all - never considered that until now!

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thecatdidit · 25/01/2026 20:04

TolkienProd · 23/01/2026 20:12

Most people I know, me included, went out for a meal with family after graduation. I don’t think there’s a ‘done thing’ as such though. Ultimately it’s about your kids achievements so surely you let them celebrate how they want to.

To be honest, given a completely free choice in the matter, I wouldn’t have gone to graduation - thought it was a total waste of time and I have very little interest in celebrating perceived achievements - only did it to make my parents happy. If it were up to me I’d have never set foot on campus again the minute I finished my final exam

My son didn't go to his own graduation ceremony and so neither did we. It didn't occur to me that we all should go (he wasn't interested) and we didn't celebrate with a meal either 😱. He's put his education to good use so I suppose that's the main thing.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 25/01/2026 20:07

thecatdidit · 25/01/2026 20:04

My son didn't go to his own graduation ceremony and so neither did we. It didn't occur to me that we all should go (he wasn't interested) and we didn't celebrate with a meal either 😱. He's put his education to good use so I suppose that's the main thing.

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In fairness, it would have been weird if you went and he didn't. They're boring enough when you have someone graduating - except for the bit where your dc goes up obviously. Definitely not something you'd go to for fun.

Original poster
cakedup · 25/01/2026 20:09

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 24/01/2026 16:51

I will probably feel compelled to gush over his tutors and thank them for their support and tell them how much it means to us....but I know I have to refrain from doing this.

Aw - as a tutor I always appreciate it. Especially when it's a student I have dragged kicking and screaming through four years of struggle (of course I don't say that to the parents!)

A family meal is a very nice idea. May depend on which graduation he's attending - after morning graduations our local restaurants are full of families having a posh lunch. Tell your DC that you'd like to take him out and ask him if he'd like that or if he'd rather go out with his pals. Give him a chance to find out out was his friends are doing and decide.

His tutors have really brought out the best in him, I'm bery grateful for how they've supported him. You'll never really know the extent of the difference you've made, just know that you probably have!

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Original poster
cakedup · 25/01/2026 20:12

thecatdidit · 25/01/2026 20:04

My son didn't go to his own graduation ceremony and so neither did we. It didn't occur to me that we all should go (he wasn't interested) and we didn't celebrate with a meal either 😱. He's put his education to good use so I suppose that's the main thing.

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Any particular reason he wasn't interested or just doesn't like a fuss generally?

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TolkienProd · 25/01/2026 21:13

thecatdidit · 25/01/2026 20:04

My son didn't go to his own graduation ceremony and so neither did we. It didn't occur to me that we all should go (he wasn't interested) and we didn't celebrate with a meal either 😱. He's put his education to good use so I suppose that's the main thing.

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I know a few people who didn’t go to be fair so it’s not unheard of. As I said I wouldn’t have gone given a completely free choice in the matter, was sort of cajoled into it by family

Caughtletren · 26/01/2026 06:21

cakedup · 25/01/2026 19:53

He has made a few friends there, one in particular, but just hasn't socialised with them outside of uni.

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So would be strange to suddenly, after 3 years of knowing them, to celebrate with them. Your son is not going to have the option nor want to celebrate with others, and that’s fine.

Caughtletren · 26/01/2026 06:22

cakedup · 25/01/2026 19:57

I can give him the option but will go with whatever he wants. I'm now wondering if he'll be into going to the graduation at all - never considered that until now!

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I’d discuss with him the issue on the assumption that he will be attending and that you are looking forward to it.

PollyBell · 26/01/2026 06:34

We will do whatever our child wants when they graduate there is no rigjt or wrong but as they will be the graduating it is up to them like any event shouldn't it be up to the person whose event it is?

Silverbirchleaf · 26/01/2026 06:37

Family meal for us also.

thecatdidit · 26/01/2026 12:24

cakedup · 25/01/2026 20:12

Any particular reason he wasn't interested or just doesn't like a fuss generally?

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I asked him when the graduation ceremony was and he said I don't want to go, I've got my degree and that's enough. He doesn't like a fuss and nor do I.

Original poster
cakedup · 26/01/2026 21:28

thecatdidit · 26/01/2026 12:24

I asked him when the graduation ceremony was and he said I don't want to go, I've got my degree and that's enough. He doesn't like a fuss and nor do I.

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Well that's fair enough! Nice that you're both on the same wavelength.

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