Your children have left but their stuff hasn’t!

[Heatherweather77]

Perhaps this should be in housekeeping but thought others on here may be able to offer practical advice please?

My house is drowning in my adult DDs’ old clothes, books, possessions. My house desperately needs sorting out!

They say they will come and help declutter their stuff, but I have been waiting for two years. They will help with the odd item like a coat or a piece of luggage but as for the rest, I need several days with each of them, anf they are never available; there is always some excuse such as they are sitting exams, or travelling, or have something better to do!

What do you do in these circumstances? Is it ok to take the bull by the horns and go through every piece of clothing, box, bag, book of theirs and make the decisions to chuck them out or keep unilaterally? Or not?

This was me! My DM took to bringing a bag of shite much loved possessions up with her every time she visited. Made it my problem which was totally fair enough!

When you work it out, can you let me know?!

An issue for my two is that they are both in small flats (with respective partners) with very little storage space. They’ve nowhere to put a lot of it. They also have limited time off work to come and declutter properly.

I’ve got space but I need to downsize and move.

And I am crap at letting their childhood things go. I hold on to so much.

My aunt had this issue when needing to downsize, 15 years after the youngest left home she gave them a deadline of 1 month and anything not cleared would be taken to the charity shop. It worked they magically appeared to get what they wanted.
When my eldest left home, I'd learnt from aunts mistakes and I made them take everything (didn't want his rubbish for 15 years).

Can't help I'm afraid my loft is full of adult children's belongings, one of them has lived abroad for 10 years and takes a book or two back with him each time he comes back for xmas🙄 gets tetchy if i dare to suggest getting rid of 30 year old games🤦 console myself with the fact that it will be them having to clear it after I'm dead 🤣

Bag it up ,take it round to their house

Suggest they split the cost of a small storage unit. In fact you could rent it for them for whatever the minimum term is. Up to them then to either continue the rental or lose their possessions.

Try a family storage unit. Share the cost, and everyone can put their much loved junk in that so it doesn’t clutter the house.

Thanks, @viques and @LoserWinner - I’m going to have a think about the storage unit idea.

Thanks for all of the responses. Strangely reassuring to know that I am not the only one dealing with this!

I should have made it clear that my DDs have both been students for four years now, so they are not earning and don’t have homes of their own, other than student accommodation.

I may have to adopt your mother’s tactics
AddictedToTea 😃

The thought of this going on for ten to fifteen years is a bit concerning tbh! Hope you all manage to find a solution!

My parents moved when I was in my early 20s and in shared accommodation but living many miles from them. It’s a radical suggestion but it got everything cleared out. They still resented the three boxes of my stuff in their enormous loft, and then it got eaten by mice..

Meanwhile, my in-laws loft is a shrine to my 50+ SIL’s stuff, apparently she still hasn’t got around to sorting her things out in the twenty years she’s been a house owner and the ten years before that she lived in a flat by herself.

If they are students and renting then this is still there home. I think its different once they've bought their own place but in a student rental, why move everything in for 9 months to have to move it home again during the summer.

Do you mean they haven’t actually moved out then as they’re just at uni?

I got fed up after 7yrs. My eldest had taken all of their stuff. My youngest, who went NC with me at the same time, had their stuff loaded in my car and taken to the charity shop.

If still students, then I’d expect to still have their stuff in the house. Where else are they going to put it? Student rentals often don’t come with much storage space, and there is no point them moving it in to have to move it out a short time later. In fact, I wouldn’t consider them to have “left home”.

However for actual adults who have left home, I’d be bagging/boxing it up and taking it to them.

I made them clear out their rooms when they moved into their own apartments at 18. They have a couple of changes here but that’s it.
DS leaves in September he has every fucking bit of Lego clogging up half the outbuildings. It all has to go. DH will have a nervous breakdown at the thought of it leaving but leave it will. All of it.

I'm in the same boat.

My DC went to do a bit of traveling and now ended up staying in another country. So she only took one suitcase of clothes.

I have no idea when or even if she will come back, so all her stuff is just here. I do go into her room from time to time to just have a look. It's handy when I run out of something as her drawers are full of make up, hair products etc etc

When someone we know is traveling I will get a list of some bits and bobs to send over. So passing everything on is not on the cards.

I do miss the little bugger though so I just go sit in her bed and take in all the endless amounts of stuff that is there.

Chuck it out.

If they wanted it, they'd take it.

@ Highlighta -
Your post really resonated with me! My DDs live abroad in small condos, so they have neither space nor the possibility of taking their stuff away. They come home periodically and stay with me (and expect their bedrooms to be maintained like shrines) - I have gently asked about stuff: what I would really like is for them to sort out and get rid of their surplus clothes - but they don’t need winter clothes and coats where they are, so they just stay here until they come back….and I am loath to let them think they have nowhere to call “home” when they return. Quite what will happen when I pop my clogs remains to be seen.

I wouldn't - they're ridiculously expensive. Drop a bag or two off at theirs every visit, they'll soon sort what to keep/chuck.

I hate it when my dad goes in his attic as I get a bag of crap, most of the stuff I don’t remember or didn’t realise they said had. I’m 58 and moved out when I was 18! FGS!

Ours went to their homes when we downsized. They were mid thirties and married

But they haven’t moved out! Of course they need to keep their stuff at yours until they get their own places.
I have three still at home post uni age.

Might be even longer, I moved out over 20 years ago and still have stuff in my parents house! (And not even the house I lived in - they've moved twice since I left home and took my things with them)
They moved house about two years ago and in the run up to moving my mum went through all my things and decided herself on most things but for the things that she wasn't sure on she video called me and I told her what I wanted and what could be got rid of (I live abroad so can only take back a few things each time I visit)

My parents were ruthless. By the time we were 21 (both went to uni), we had had to sort all of our things. As I lived abroad in a timy bedsit my parents kept a couple of large boxes which were my memory boxes. When I bought my first place, they brought them over.

I don't mind it at all.

Their friend was so annoyed with their DD, who had a full bedroom in their house, despite owning her own 4 bedroom house....

@Heatherweather77if they are still students and not earning then their stuff is still in their permanent home which is your house?