Uni student DD won’t/can’t get a job!

[sweetkitty]

DD2 is in 2nd year at uni (we’re in Scotland) she enjoys it & has a flat with her bestie. She gets a student loan which pays for her rent with a little left over. I give her £160 a month for food etc so £40 per week.

She understands most students have a PT job whilst at uni but apparently she can’t find one. First year ok she was settling in, then she came home for 4 months and did absolutely nothing. Best friend organised the flat and it’s in one of the most central streets in the city, think coffee shops, independent shops, pubs on her street. Loads of shops within walking distance too. She says she’s looked and applied but as she has no experience she doesn’t get interviews (she’s only had one).

Now it’s coming up to Christmas loads of adverts for temp work but she’s done nothing. She whinges about being poor etc won’t actively job hunt but does she have to if I’m paying for her food? I can’t stop paying for it I don’t want her to starve but at the same time even a few hours a week somewhere would help.

Also I suspect she has ASD but she’s never been formally diagnosed as she didn’t see the point. She doesn’t go out or socialise. I do think she has social anxiety and hates talking to people.

I think most of us are able to work out that still gives her flexibility.

She can self study at any time of the day or on any day of the week.

The poster is sharing with us that she has a degree of flexibility.

No, the OP said she had a day off, not that she has a day’s worth of self-study that could be moved to another time.

I upped her allowance this month and gave her £200 and she was home for a week and took half my cupboards back!

We had a good chat and I said commissions might be the way to go as at one point she was making £150-200 not a fortune but not nothing. I also said she definitely needs a Summer job as 4 months sitting doing nothing at home is no good.

£46.51 a week seems more reasonable.

Asd is different from adhd
So there is no comparison there. You can have both which can mean MH issues but they are like yin and yang singularly. Together they clash.

Different challenges yes but asd is far more likely to make you unable to get a job in hospitality. She needs to look at other areas. Warehouse?

Maybe tutoring kids,
cleaning. Something less involving teamwork.

And yes I do understand both as we are a ND family here too.

@Ratsinthefloorboards

Great post. Someone gets it's not a case of get on with it

Op try to encourage her to get a diagnosis. Otherwise she could end up with massive MH issues later.

Mother of 20yr old uni student who felt she had to get a job whilst as uni. Also no experience, ASD diagnosis and ‘working diagnosis’ of ADD. Applied for loads of jobs and successfully interviewed for one in a cafe, not too busy, seemed “ok” and something she could manage. Within a few weeks it was glaringly obvious the impact it was having on her MH. Her tutor had to remind her she wasn’t there to learn how to make coffee, but to study. Job had to go. It’s tight, but I pay her keep - student loan doesn’t even cover rent 🙄
Sometimes it’s just not that easy.

And just to add to those completely shocked at the lack of experience/not ever having had a Saturday job - the world shut down due to covid four days after her 15th birthday. After that, she was competing with adults desperately trying to make ends meet and no voluntary roles for school kids either. It’s not for the want of trying, it’s different times to those we grew up in.

Well dd has messaged and she’s run out of money. Rent and bills and travel were paid. She had £1300 to last her till Jan. just for food and extras, it’s all gone. I’m really quite upset with her.

First year? I think some of them really struggle with budgeting, especially those drawn into partying. It can feel like such a large amount when they first set off. We give a similar amount and have said if they get into difficulties we would give a bit more but on condition that we go through all their spending to see where they can save. I am hoping a line-by-line examination of spending would incentivise them to budget in advance!

Yes. 1st year. We have a family meeting planned for this evening to go through her spending

She may have to volunteer to get the experience and reference she needs for a first job.

Getting a Christmas job for a few weeks would be a good start and might boost her confidence - but also...maybe she needs help rather than nagging (I say that kindly - parent of ASD teen here)? Would something like temp work at the Post Office be doable? Mail sorter jobs here:
https://careers.royalmailgroup.com/gb/en/c/seasonal-roles-jobs

Remember though that most universities have exams and assignments due just before Christmas.

Not my experience at any of the 7 institutions I've known about in the past few years. Exams tend to be in January for many.

You thought it would be a good idea to give an 18 yr old away from home for the first time, a lump sum of £1300 to last 4 months?
Fully fledged adults with years of budgeting experience have their income once a month.
I'm not surprised it has gone wrong.

I don’t give her the money. It’s her student loan. She’s an adult, I have no right to it. Every student in the country gets their loan in three instalments. I managed to budget when I was 18yo in this situation. And it was for three months not four. And she’s 24yo.

I can think of six where it is before Christmas.

Isn't this exactly what happens if they receive the full loan? Isn’t it paid on 3 instalments?

@BunnyRuddington exactly. @OnlyOnAFridaywhen my son went through his he applied for a student overdraft. He was more frugal moving forward. It focused his spending :)

I appreciate that getting paid work isn’t always easy, but getting volunteering work is. Charity shops are crying out for help. The National Trust are always looking. Wildlife centres / animal sanctuaries. Riding for the disabled. There are so many possibilities. She doesn’t have to like it, but she needs to do doing something. And this volunteering work will help her get paid employment.

Some courses have assessments / ‘electives’ due throughout. I was a bit shocked at the volume of work on my kids courses. Very academic ones to be sure but requiring a minimum of a eight hour working day at best.

Many people can't afford that though. I certainly couldn't have afforded £300 a month for one. Luckily my DS had a p/t job from starting college and worked all the way through uni.

The system is based on parents making up the. amount the student gets to at least the
maximum loan level

My DD has just got a job in her uni town, she's in her 3rd month of her second year. We are lucky that we have been able to support her, like a pp says the maintenance loan doesnt cover all the rent, and the reason she hasn't got a job isn't through lack of trying.