Uni student DD won’t/can’t get a job!

[sweetkitty]

DD2 is in 2nd year at uni (we’re in Scotland) she enjoys it & has a flat with her bestie. She gets a student loan which pays for her rent with a little left over. I give her £160 a month for food etc so £40 per week.

She understands most students have a PT job whilst at uni but apparently she can’t find one. First year ok she was settling in, then she came home for 4 months and did absolutely nothing. Best friend organised the flat and it’s in one of the most central streets in the city, think coffee shops, independent shops, pubs on her street. Loads of shops within walking distance too. She says she’s looked and applied but as she has no experience she doesn’t get interviews (she’s only had one).

Now it’s coming up to Christmas loads of adverts for temp work but she’s done nothing. She whinges about being poor etc won’t actively job hunt but does she have to if I’m paying for her food? I can’t stop paying for it I don’t want her to starve but at the same time even a few hours a week somewhere would help.

Also I suspect she has ASD but she’s never been formally diagnosed as she didn’t see the point. She doesn’t go out or socialise. I do think she has social anxiety and hates talking to people.

Not everyone is the same though are they?

I haven't read the full thread but this is what I was going to suggest. My teenager has asd and if I just said 'get a job' he wouldn't be able to. Jobs are quite difficult for young people to get at the moment but ds did eventually manage to get something. We helped with his cv, suggested job opening he could apply for, reminded him to check his emails, hyped him up pre interviews etc. Now he is delighted with himself and his extra bit off money is and well able to get himself up and off to work. He just needed a but of support to get him there.

Did she start searching in good time? To get a job at the start of the academic year, she had to start months before- especially if she was hoping to do a job a graduating student was doing.

Does she hope to do a summer internship next summer? Someone else on this thread will know when they come out but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was early new years.

I think it’s hard to get a job but now is the time to get a Christmas temp job. Not all jobs require talking to customers eg warehouse work but you obviously need to talk to a manager or colleague for help.

Yeah do this to a young person who is ASD and you may find you have no child

Then you should know that your child is just one autistic person and tells you nothing about any other autistic person.

This is her problem not yours. She needs to be proactive. There are plenty of jobs

Typical MN! ‘She is 18, time to throw her out and leave her to starve if she can’t take care of herself’

Some horrible comments on here. As if any of you would lock your DCs out and leave them penniless and homeless as suggested on here and shame on you if you would.

It’s not “tough love”. It’s called not being a cunt and supporting a young immature adult to thrive.

My son is at uni and whilst he has a job, he found it difficult to get one even though he has tonnes of experience and submitted 20 or 30 applications before something came up. I can well believe she’s struggling to get work.

I would encourage and help her to find seasonal work over the holidays to
build her confidence and get something on her CV. Or perhaps try an agency? If she’s only getting £40 PW from you then she’s not taking the piss.

There really aren't.

Are there really? Have you read Alliolly’s post?

My parents did that too. I was working as a pub cleaner at 13, then a waitress and a barmaid.

It didn't stop me getting A'levels or a degree. And I'm good at budgeting, even now. Have never needed any financial help or been in debt other than a mortgage.

Learning early might not be very comfortable, but it's not easily forgotten.

Good advice.

Jobs are difficult to get at the moment. The sort of jobs that students or 6th formers traditionally do are being taken by people in their late 20s and 30s who need the money.

I have a DC who isn't a university student, but has really struggled to find anything. Been turned down from 2 different McDonald's, a Toby Carvery, pizza places, cafes, pubs. The supermarkets here are bombarded with applications and are very fussy about who they take.

I suspect they probably don't interview well, but that's something I can't do for them and a lot of the time they don't even get an interview. It's been a year now of trying and getting nowhere. They had some mock interviews with the career service and have started an FE college course after a year of doing nothing much, but still no job. I can see why students might struggle.

I had a Saturday job at 14, back in the 70s. My older DC all went to work for McDs at 16 in the 2000s. My youngest is 18 and has been trying to find a job for ages. It doesn't help that she's on an accelerated course so she is in class until 5pm every day and then has a commute. Even when she finds somewhere with vacancies the first essential requirement is previous customer service experience. How do you get experience when nobody will hire you?

She's currently waiting on an interview to be an elf. Hopefully that will be sufficient experience to find another job later on.

But equally we should not assume that a person isn't capable of work because they may - or may not - have autism.

Let's remember this particular person does not have a diagnosis.
Even if she did, that won't automatically mean she can't work.

I had a similar view until my teens went through that stage. Most companies are not allowed to employ under 16 year olds due to H&S, if they do the hours are very restricted and they have to be supervised. Paper rounds are reduced as hardly anyone gets papers delivered.

I understand the Governments motivation for the change because young teens should be able to focus on education however it's led to a situation where most 16 year old have zero work experience.

In the past non academic, mostly boys, could do manual work on a construction site but the legislation is now so strict that responsible companies would never employ an under 18 year old as it's too risky.

I know I say this on every thread like this and I promise I am not on some sponsorship deal but Wetherspoons have always been brilliant with my sons (who are autistic)
They are flexible with hours. They are responsive employers and weekly payers. They all started in the kitchen (minimal interaction with others) and work around uni and can move pubs in between.

Just a thought :)

You are allowing and encouraging the behaviour then moaning, be a parent and tell her what you are expecting her to do and what will happier she doesn’t.

Yes, if, and it's a big if... We're too eager to label young folk with conditions. If a person doesn't go out much and doesn't really like talking to people it doesn't mean they've got some disorder, it could merely be shyness. I should know, I was/am extremely shy, but I don't have any condition. This girl sounds lazy and entitled.

Typical MN loads of differing comments from cut her money and she’ll soon get a job or starve to death to £40 a week is nothing give her £100.

I’ll try to answer some of the questions:

• she’s on an arts course has at least one day off a day and another day she’s in for an hour
• I am not being flippant saying I think she has ASD, I have a post grad qualification in autism and work with autistic children, I am well aware of how ASD presents in girls/women.
• when she was at home for 4 months she half-heartedly was applying for jobs, we helped with her cv, she had one interview, we bought her interview clothes, coached her in interview skills
• she came to work with me for a week to do some volunteering, she’s looked for volunteering roles but even they were quite selective wanting 2 references and retail experience
• She is quite talented and has sold art online before, she’s looked could easily have an Etsy shop. People have asked for commissions and she’s turned them down.
• she is quiet and not into pubs etc preferring gaming with her friend

Has she said why she turns the commissions down? Is she able to reflect and express how she feels?

I would definitely talk to her again about possible ASD, especially as she could apply for DSA and have some support.

I never worked term time when I was studying but made sure I got a job during the holidays - that was enough to tide me over the next term (on top of my loan). As others have said, term time jobs are much harder to find with all the competition.

Perception is probably a big thing - does her housemate get more money and she's feeling hard done by? My guess would be that if people she spends a lot of time with were equally skint, getting a job or not complaining about being hard up would be the norm.

Commissions and an Etsy shop seem like the perfect way to go if she's an artist. Getting back on that now is likely to make life after graduation a lot smoother. Does she know what she wants to do afterwards? Jobs in art are notoriously rare and competitive - a portfolio and proof of sales would be hugely advantageous. If she was to pootle along getting some work together during term, perhaps you could help with the listing and shipping over the holidays rather than upping the amount of cash you send her?

She doesn’t have a day off a week. She has a day for self study.

DD has just got a part time retail job. She's a first class masters grad. She applied for three, turned down for one, interviewed for two. Didn't get the advertised job, but been offered an alternative better one. So she's done well. But she's older and obviously a better bet, more flexible than a uni student. Literally nothing to apply for full time in her chosen field.

I think her targeted approach worked well. Looking at smaller independents, places she shops and likes. The rejection came from a multinational, don't care, shop.

Summer internships in ds’s field came out in the previous November and required usually 4 rounds of testing and interviews over two months. Ds is about to start a graduate job with the place he did his post graduation/3rd year internship.

They are very hard to get in the first summer (though ds got one through a family member) so perhaps not worth focusing on, more important that she gets a more general job to build a work history.

This is a time to lean heavily on family and friends and yes, invest time with her. Anyone who works in something you think could be around a good thing for her, talk to them. And I still think gardening is a good route.