Thread 55 - Covid GCSE Cohort - Autumn 25 - Yr 4 Uni and Graduates

[Oblomov25]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.
Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp
Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
Previous thread 54:
Thread 54

A very happy birthday to DS2 @Piggywaspushed , wow! how time has passed. Hope he is doing something very nice to celebrate. Ouch! on the tickets.

Belated happy birthday to @Piggywaspushed DS. Unlucky to receive the notification that day. Hope he had a great day otherwise.

I remember wondering how it would be having DS return home after the 3 years of university. Having him back this year has been a fairly smooth transition, with moments! He is out at least 5 nights playing sport so it's nice to have him here on the nights he is.

@crazycrofter archives is an option, but I think she would like some experience before committing to a Masters. They are so expensive so wants to be sure it's the right one - there'll only be one chance.

Sounds like you found your perfect match @AnneOfCleavage ! How lovely that dd will have her bf nearby; she'll be able to save quite a lot too hopefully on a teacher's salary! Dd's bf is on a primary education course and ds' gf is planning to do a primary PGCE after her degree, so we might have teachers in the family too at some point..

@seeline that seems sensible - they are definitely expensive! Hope she can get some relevant experience.

@Piggywaspushed DS got caught by a camera he spent the first 18 years of his life warning me to slow down for! How it managed to clock him and still hasn't got me I will never know. He was doing 36mph 🤦‍♂️

I have both of them finishing in a few weeks time. Neither have a proper job lined up although DS will get shifts at the village pub and DD has a masters place. She needs to earn some money to pay for it though! DS has applied for one internship which on paper sounded fantastic (French speaking inhouse law intern in London) but hasn't heard anything back. He just needs to focus on the final slog of six exams and an assignment for now 😬
DD has just submitted her dissertation - I had to stay on the phone whilst she pressed submit. I'm very proud of the work she has put into it and I'm sure she will be once she's de-stressed. She missed her first society social in the whole three years at uni last night to get it finished - she's president and takes her commitment to fancy dress and drinking extremely seriously.

Oh dear...karma.

DS2 has really annoyed us all. Birthday is tomorrow, just told us last night he's leaving for uni today (early afternoon) as he's throwing a party with his mates back in their flat. So not bothered with spending his birthday with us (he's already at home) not bothered with cards or presents from us. Even his usually quiet brother is pissed off (i saw him with a big shopping bag which i know is a gift for his brother). He's finished all his lectures. I don't get why he cant spend his birthday at home (Friday) and throw his flat party on Saturday??? is that an unreasonable expectation?

Despite DS being a homebird he hasn't spent his actual birthday with us since he was 17 I don't think @Shimy - neither of my two ever wants to celebrate theirs beyond a cake and maybe a takeaway pizza. Neither has had anything resembling a party since they were about 12 and me still organising them, they drifted into just going bowling or similar with a mate or two and dispensed with us once they could go alone. Never want anything in particular as gifts (they are suitably grateful for what they are given though). It makes me a little sad but then DH and I are lowkey about ours too, maybe a family meal out but we never have parties even for the big ones. Actually DS was at home for his this year but it was a Sunday and he was working, we probably got pizza in and possibly went to see my parents in the evening - since Dad went into a care home last year we are trying to celebrate all our family birthdays with him and my mum again as they are both struggling. In your case I would be pissed off at the short notice of buggering off.

@EndlessDistraction So sorry to hear mum and dad are struggling. Enjoy as much time with your dad & mum as possible.

DS2's birthday usually falls on a bank holiday, so he's either at uni, & i just send him a cake the day before to share with his flat mates or he comes home. DS1 prefers to be at home always for his birthday's and have all his cousins round.
The party, is something he is throwing himself but at his uni flat, he didnt tell us about it so we had no idea he was leaving to spend his birthday away.
Because ds2 has been at home since Easter (all lectures finished), we just assumed he would mark it at home at least during 1st half of the day. We're all dissapointed he'd organised a party for Friday when he could have planned it for Saturday instead.

That’s a shame @shimy- I’m sorry you’re feeling hurt.

Dd will be away for her birthday this year, as she has been for the last few years but I can see why you feel disappointed when you had no warning and he could have arranged the party for Saturday .

Thanks @crazycrofter . To be honest, It's more 'cross' than hurt but hey ho! it means a quiet Friday for us instead. We'll survive.Wishing you DD a lovely birthday.

I get why you're cross @Shimy - for me it's always the lack of thought and last minute declaration of plans. We had something similar earlier this year when DS told us he would be at home for something and I brought all the food in. I checked and double checked he would be home as it coincided with Valentines weekend. No he wasn't going to see GF, he was definitely at home. You can guess what happened the night before..

It’s so hard when they’re making their own way. I’m slowly adjusting to the idea that DD will not be home after she graduates unless some amazing job comes up here - hardly likely as I think she’s stopped applying for any in this area. I’m proud of her independence but it doesn’t stop the hurting!

It’s definitely the lack of thought or warning - ds does that too. Dd is very considerate and always plans ahead. We were feeling sad about her moving out for good when she got that school job - and now we’re having to adjust to the fact that she’ll be working in Birmingham and commuting from home! Slightly worried about having the rabbits full time as they’re so destructive! And worried that dd will be suffering severe FOMO 😂

It’s definitely a transition phase isn’t it, whatever they end up doing - coming home or moving out.

The transitions and uncertainty at this stage are hard. For the short term stuff DS's friends all seem to chop and change plans right up to the last moment, which does my head in a bit when it affects us (will he be here / needing a lift / wanting dinner) but he just goes with it and says it's normal. Maybe because we grew up in the pre-group chat era and are used to making plans more in advance it's a bit of a generational thing.

Yes, absolutely that! Early last week I mentioned that I could do Sunday lunch for Ds and girlfriend if they were around. I heard nothing so made other plans. On Saturday night : ‘you know you said you’d do Sunday lunch for us?’ For once I said no, I haven’t bought the food and will be at church in the morning, and I’ve made other plans! But usually we just go with the flow, and whoever turns up is fed! Ds is good in that if he’s not back for tea and I’ve made him food, he’ll just eat it the next day for his lunch.

I really must stop rushed reading of posts on MN because I just noticed it wasn't DS who was caught by the speeding camera but @mummyinbeds DS. Pls ignore @piggy if you haven't already and the 'Ouch' is to @mummyinbeds DS.

Thanks all for your understanding re: thoughtless DS. I think it's good to let them know, they arent the centre of one's world (well they are) but don't let them know that! Let them know you have 'other' interesting things going on in your life and stick with them. That way, they appreciate your time a bit more, so i like what @crazy did there.

After they graduate is another one, we've no idea where ds will be as he hasn't got a job yet. Can't believe he got to last stage of recruitment process with a in person interview (he went down to London, all suited an booted) after all the other stages and they just ghosted him. Not even an email. Its going on 4 weeks now. I'm actually really angry about that.

@Shimy I’d be really angry too. It’s just thoughtless especially knowing how many stages they need to get through to get to the real person part.

@Shimy I think I may have confused you - it was @Piggywaspushed DS who got a speeding ticket for his birthday. My DS got one nearly three years ago (and hasn't driven in the UK since)

^Totally this.

@shimy It's just so unprofessional on their part. I would be embarrassed to work in a HR dept who did that.

So this is a great problem to have but dd has now been offered the first Mind job she interviewed for. She verbally accepted the second one and the deadline to send the contact back for that is Tuesday - she told the person who offered her the job today that she was deciding between two so she has to get back to them Tuesday too. They’re quite different jobs but both mental health related. Would it be terrible to renege on the one she accepted now? Does it make it better or worse that they’re both with Mind?

And @shimy that is terrible that they’ve not got back to Ds! So inconsiderate!

Surely if they’re both with the same company it’s ok as it shows she clearly wants to work for them?

Can’t remember who said about trailfinders, but dd never got through the initial stage so clearly doesn’t have enough travelling around the world experience.

That was my DS.