Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

Daughter is a party animal

66 replies

Imfineitsfine · 01/09/2025 14:09

As above and thats ok but its impacting our lives in a negative way, probably mine the most as I’m chronically ill.

shes 21 and comes and either wakes us up by forgetting her key, talking loudly blaring music, blantly ringing or coming in our room to talk to us in the early hours or to ask for a lift.
she has at least twice got a lift home with a drunk friend drving and given car keys to a drunk friend to drive.

im at breaking point from the worry and interrupted sleep, I often cant drop back off.
To top it off she just screamed at me in front if builder making things up and exgeratting things about me… she has form for this.

i’ve tried shouting, tried boundaries and at this point I want her to move out which is tricky because she doesnt work full time and is in a low paid job.

I’ve told her from now on she needs to come in by 10 on a week night and she is not going out next weekend but she says I cant stop her.

Any suggestions?

Oh and the night before holiday she was told she was not going out as she will do the usual and I’d end up fatigued but she promised to be back by 10 and rolled in at 1 waking us all up.

OP posts:
FrenchandSaunders · 01/09/2025 14:17

She's a bit old to be behaving like this ... sounds more like a 17 year old.

You can't stop her going out but you can have a proper chat about how you expect her to return quietly and not disturb everyone, she sounds really selfish.

And why isn't she working full time? Is she studying?

ComfortFoodCafe · 01/09/2025 14:20

Id tell her she needs to get a full time job instead of behaving like a school girl. You need to nip this in the bud before she ends up on drugs & in the wrong crowd.

CrushingOnRubies · 01/09/2025 14:56

is she home from uni for the summer and due to be going back soon, or does she live at home permanently?

Original poster
Imfineitsfine · 01/09/2025 14:58

FrenchandSaunders · 01/09/2025 14:17

She's a bit old to be behaving like this ... sounds more like a 17 year old.

You can't stop her going out but you can have a proper chat about how you expect her to return quietly and not disturb everyone, she sounds really selfish.

And why isn't she working full time? Is she studying?

Its like banging my head on a wall, she just does what she wants anyway, hence why I’m trying to give her consequences by saying she cant go out…

she says she wants more hours but work cant give her more

OP posts:
Original poster
Imfineitsfine · 01/09/2025 15:00

ComfortFoodCafe · 01/09/2025 14:20

Id tell her she needs to get a full time job instead of behaving like a school girl. You need to nip this in the bud before she ends up on drugs & in the wrong crowd.

But how? Seriously wanr her to either stop ir move out at this point. Only other leverage I hve is car we bought her that she cant drive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imfineitsfine · 01/09/2025 15:01

CrushingOnRubies · 01/09/2025 14:56

is she home from uni for the summer and due to be going back soon, or does she live at home permanently?

Shes here full time..

OP posts:
AllJoyAndNoFun · 01/09/2025 15:03

So just tell her that unless she sorts herself out then she can’t live with you anymore and mean it. I’m sure that after a few weeks living in some shitty hostel/ B&B she’ll be a reformed character.

Original poster
Imfineitsfine · 01/09/2025 15:05

AllJoyAndNoFun · 01/09/2025 15:03

So just tell her that unless she sorts herself out then she can’t live with you anymore and mean it. I’m sure that after a few weeks living in some shitty hostel/ B&B she’ll be a reformed character.

Yeah I agree just need to get DH on board. Im at breaking point.

OP posts:
Rosesanddaffs · 01/09/2025 15:08

@Imfineitsfine So she’s taking lifts from friends who are drunk? What a pair of selfish idiots, they are not only risking their lives but other people on the roads.

She needs to grow up and that starts with moving out.

Original poster
Imfineitsfine · 01/09/2025 15:11

Rosesanddaffs · 01/09/2025 15:08

@Imfineitsfine So she’s taking lifts from friends who are drunk? What a pair of selfish idiots, they are not only risking their lives but other people on the roads.

She needs to grow up and that starts with moving out.

Yep I know its disgusting

OP posts:
Rosesanddaffs · 01/09/2025 15:13

Imfineitsfine · 01/09/2025 15:11

Yep I know its disgusting

Show quote history

Show her articles of how many people die this way and shock her with the facts.

My family have been through this and it’s devastated our lives.

She seriously needs a wake up call before she kills someone.

Original poster
Imfineitsfine · 01/09/2025 15:14

Rosesanddaffs · 01/09/2025 15:13

Show her articles of how many people die this way and shock her with the facts.

My family have been through this and it’s devastated our lives.

She seriously needs a wake up call before she kills someone.

Show quote history

Thats a good idea. Im really sorry.

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 01/09/2025 15:21

Going out drinking, losing keys etc is all pretty normal for a 21-year-old... if they're a 21-year-old living in a house share or uni halls or whatever. It's not OK for her to behave like this when she's living with you and her behaviour is impacting on you. She's being a spoilt brat.

She's essentially expecting to live one kind of lifestyle while having the living arrangements of a completely different type of lifestyle, and it's not on. She sounds utterly obnoxious and very immature.

RainyDayCoffee · 01/09/2025 15:24

So you got her a car and she cannot drive? If I have got that correct, I would take car keys away from her.

Cam1981 · 01/09/2025 15:28

A curfew or telling her she can’t go out at her age is ridiculous she would just laugh in your face. Your only options are to take away the car or tell her she has to move out

Original poster
Imfineitsfine · 01/09/2025 15:28

Yes thats right…. Yeah thinking thats an option.

OP posts:
DoAWheelie · 01/09/2025 15:40

She can't be trusted with the car so you need to remove it ASAP before someone dies.

Sell it and use it as a deposit on a bedsit rental.

TheMimsy · 01/09/2025 15:42

Sell the car.

Hold the money as a deposit on a flat or bedsit for her.

Do not offer to be guarantors.

Point her towards the job centre for job hunting help or to claim universal credit (for when she moves out) help due to low wages.

she has 3 months to find somewhere max or she can go sofa surfing.

her actions have consequences.

if you pay towards any phones etc. stop.

your DH needs to get on the same page with discipline and boundaries or it will never work. If she doesn’t step up and learn how to behave now whilst young enough then I doubt she’ll change after 25 and you will both forever be the safety net she expects to fix her bad decisions.

LoyalMember · 01/09/2025 18:46

FrenchandSaunders · 01/09/2025 14:17

She's a bit old to be behaving like this ... sounds more like a 17 year old.

You can't stop her going out but you can have a proper chat about how you expect her to return quietly and not disturb everyone, she sounds really selfish.

And why isn't she working full time? Is she studying?

21 year olds still carry on like this, and quite frequently a lot longer. I know me and my friends did.

ComfortFoodCafe · 01/09/2025 18:58

Report them to the police when shes drunk driving or her friend is drunk driving. You will save lifes.
that said if her work won’t give her more hours, it’s simple she looks for a new job with more hours? Why are you allowing this? Give her a 6 month period to get her shit together & if she doesn’t she needs to leave by that date.

Original poster
Imfineitsfine · 01/09/2025 19:26

She hasnt passed her test so never drives to clarify

OP posts:
ComfortFoodCafe · 01/09/2025 19:31

Imfineitsfine · 01/09/2025 19:26

She hasnt passed her test so never drives to clarify

Shes still knowingly allowing her drunk friends to drive. Imagine if one of those friends of her crashes & kills her - you need to put a stop to the stupidity.

NewYorkSummer · 01/09/2025 19:54

LoyalMember · 01/09/2025 18:46

21 year olds still carry on like this, and quite frequently a lot longer. I know me and my friends did.

Edited
Show quote history

I was quite happily still partying and clubbing til all hours at 21, but I certainly wasn’t waking up my parents to ask them for lifts, drink driving, having stroppy tantrums and generally acting like a complete knob.

OP her behaviour sounds appalling. I’m not an advocate of kicking your kids out of their home, but honestly, I think I’d be giving her an ultimatum otherwise she would have to find somewhere else to go.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/09/2025 20:10

The waking you up is awful.
can you give her a taste of her own medicine doing this a few days in a row to her at the crack of dawn and she might get the idea (or might move out)
if she complains you could agree to have some family rules about making noise.

also, you can give her formal notice in writing of what she needs to do IF she is out past ten and warn her that you’ll evict her. Being in a minimum wage job is her problem not yours.

Original poster
Imfineitsfine · 02/09/2025 07:15

we’re having a sit down chat with her, DH on board and will be making it clear this is totally unacceptable.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread