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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

Son cheated on girlfriend

52 replies

Itcanonlygetbetter72 · 15/08/2025 22:25

Firstly, apologies if incorrect thread.
Our Son ended his relationship with his girlfriend after 3.5 yrs
they were a solid unit no indication of any issues, living their best life, good jobs/planning their future/ 6 holidays a year.

we couldn’t understand it. She had become a huge part of our family the perfect DIL that you would want. She was devastated as were we.
he realised his error and attempted to reconcile after 2 weeks. She quite rightly said no. He tried again after 6 weeks again no.

it transpires he cheated on her with his friends sister, an ego trip nothing more. We only found this out after he tried to totally discredit his ex girlfriend until I messaged her asked her if certain things were true. I am devastated to not have her in our lives, my Sons seems to not acknowledge what he has done and now seeing another girl even though he said he still loved his ex girlfriend 5 days ago.

I feel at a complete loss/angry and living in hope he comes to his senses. We have lost a very good friend both the ex girlfriend and her dad due to his lies and I can’t quite get my head around it.

if you have been there does it get better ?

OP posts:
SailingWonder · 15/08/2025 22:27

You sound as if you like her more than your son. Which is a bit odd.

Stichintime · 15/08/2025 22:30

I think you sound rather over invested, talking about your loss. Its over, there's no kids involved, so with kindness you need to move on!

ForZanyAquaViewer · 15/08/2025 22:32

You are over involved in this. I think you need to take several steps back.

MaryGreenhill · 15/08/2025 22:34

Sounds like she had a lucky escape sorry @Itcanonlygetbetter72 l know he is your son but what a terrible way to treat her .

TheBossOfMe · 15/08/2025 22:35

SailingWonder · 15/08/2025 22:27

You sound as if you like her more than your son. Which is a bit odd.

This. Are there children involved? If not, it's just life. And even if there are, there are ways to deal with it.

I'd be a bit pissed off with you if I was your son either way.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 15/08/2025 22:44

it transpires he cheated on her with his friends sister, an ego trip nothing more. We only found this out after he tried to totally discredit his ex girlfriend until I messaged her asked her if certain things were true.

He sounds awful and she had a lucky escape.

AtTheBar · 15/08/2025 22:48

Your son is a shit, but he’s your son so you tell him you’re not impressed but move on. Be glad that this woman has good boundaries and isn’t willing to have him back. Don’t be so invested in your son’s partners and their parents in future. They’re not your friends.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 15/08/2025 22:50

Maybe he wasn’t as into her as you were. If you love them set them free. He made his choice and for the good. If he wasn’t that into her better to split before kids.

YesHonestly · 15/08/2025 22:51

You’re too invested in this, and you shouldn’t have messaged her.

Original poster
Itcanonlygetbetter72 · 15/08/2025 22:52

Yes my Son is a shit
no acknowledgement of his actions
the cheating is wrong I’m not asking for that to be validated
the fact that he spun a web of lies to discredit her I find very hard
but clearly the wrong platform to post reading the comments
thsnks for taking the time to respond

OP posts:
PollyBell · 15/08/2025 22:58

Why on earth did you message her this all seems very weird

caramac04 · 15/08/2025 23:03

Similar situation many years ago. I missed my son’s ex gf for a long time. We did meet up a couple of times in her hometown but of course everyone moved on. I’m sure she’s happy and a lovely mum. My ds is happy with a lovely dp.
We are outside of the situation and can’t know the ins and outs of the relationship. Hopefully our sons have learnt to be better.

CaramelGhost · 15/08/2025 23:05

I don't think messaging her is weird at all. She was a part of the family for 6 years. It would be weirder if you didn't check in with her at all. Over invested or not, I'd be telling my child he was a shit and that I'm disappointed. But beyond that, you have to move on and still be their safe space.

Original poster
Itcanonlygetbetter72 · 15/08/2025 23:05

I didn’t message her when they broke Up
She messaged me at the start
she was heartbroken - lives with her Dad only new territory - could not ignore her
my son then started to say she had said x y and z all very nasty statements
I needed it validated and I’m glad I did he made it all up
he is now seeing a therapist
my statement was has anyone dealt with this
not to be told I’m weird/ your pissed off etc
how to navigate this situation

OP posts:
Original poster
Itcanonlygetbetter72 · 15/08/2025 23:06

CaramelGhost · 15/08/2025 23:05

I don't think messaging her is weird at all. She was a part of the family for 6 years. It would be weirder if you didn't check in with her at all. Over invested or not, I'd be telling my child he was a shit and that I'm disappointed. But beyond that, you have to move on and still be their safe space.

Thank you for your comments which. He is a shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itcanonlygetbetter72 · 15/08/2025 23:07

caramac04 · 15/08/2025 23:03

Similar situation many years ago. I missed my son’s ex gf for a long time. We did meet up a couple of times in her hometown but of course everyone moved on. I’m sure she’s happy and a lovely mum. My ds is happy with a lovely dp.
We are outside of the situation and can’t know the ins and outs of the relationship. Hopefully our sons have learnt to be better.

Thank you. If nothing else I hope he learns.
it’s not how he has been raised to treat people like this.

OP posts:
BusyExpert · 15/08/2025 23:11

My strong advice to you is not to interfere or meddle
you may have thought her the perfect woman for your son and liked her father but you are not marrying her. Your son does not have to progress a relationship to please you.
he may have acted badly, people do but he clearly was not as invested in the relationship as you thought. He will have learned a lot from this episode and it might make him a better man. Either way it’s nothing to do with you

LemonCatsHat · 15/08/2025 23:13

Itcanonlygetbetter72 · 15/08/2025 22:52

Yes my Son is a shit
no acknowledgement of his actions
the cheating is wrong I’m not asking for that to be validated
the fact that he spun a web of lies to discredit her I find very hard
but clearly the wrong platform to post reading the comments
thsnks for taking the time to respond

Why is it the wrong platform? People are telling you that yeah he behaved badly but it’s between them. She’s left him, good for her. What more do you want? It’s not your relationship. You can tell him your feelings but that’s it.

beAsensible1 · 15/08/2025 23:16

Your son’s been a shit but stay out of it.

It’s not your business, there’s no children and they’re not married.

EatMoreChocolate44 · 15/08/2025 23:22

I sometimes think posters on here are robots. Of course you are disappointed OP and it's natural to miss her and be sad. She's been a part of your life for 6 years. Also very natural to be saddened by your son's actions. I don't think it's strange you messaged her either. Hopefully your son will have learned from this experience and make better choices in the future.

Sometimeswinning · 15/08/2025 23:23

LemonCatsHat · 15/08/2025 23:13

Why is it the wrong platform? People are telling you that yeah he behaved badly but it’s between them. She’s left him, good for her. What more do you want? It’s not your relationship. You can tell him your feelings but that’s it.

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I mean she’s obviously a nice person who is torn! Mumsnet don’t like that emotional attachment though.

I feel for you op. There’s not much you can do. Your son has made his choice but it doesn’t mean you can’t be a friend for her. She wasn’t just a short term fling for him.

wizzywig · 15/08/2025 23:25

Why would you not be friendly with your childs long term partner?

LemonCatsHat · 15/08/2025 23:25

Sometimeswinning · 15/08/2025 23:23

I mean she’s obviously a nice person who is torn! Mumsnet don’t like that emotional attachment though.

I feel for you op. There’s not much you can do. Your son has made his choice but it doesn’t mean you can’t be a friend for her. She wasn’t just a short term fling for him.

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She doesn’t have to be torn, her son behaved like a dick, nothing to be torn about. His girlfriend left him, OP reached out to her and should share her thoughts to her son. But she’s done all that, what more does she want? That’s a genuine question? There isn’t anything more. He has to conduct his own relationships and she has to take a step back. She can be disappointed but there isn’t anything more for her to action here.

Mariana95 · 15/08/2025 23:31

TheBossOfMe · 15/08/2025 22:35

This. Are there children involved? If not, it's just life. And even if there are, there are ways to deal with it.

I'd be a bit pissed off with you if I was your son either way.

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Just because he's her son, doesn't mean that she has to approve of everything he does. Including cheating on a girlfriend with a hoe.

DancingInTheBroadDaylight · 15/08/2025 23:36

Mariana95 · 15/08/2025 23:31

Just because he's her son, doesn't mean that she has to approve of everything he does. Including cheating on a girlfriend with a hoe.

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"Hoe"? Really? So misogynistic