My 18 year son is refusing to move

[QuaintOtter]

Partner bought a shared ownership home solely in his name nearly 4 years ago. We have been suffering Anti Social Behaviour from neighbours for 3 years. I’ve reported to their housing association and police but they have not done anything. This year things have escalated every time we go outside front door we get insulted, verbally abused and harassed by a group of housing association tenants that lives opposite. A month ago my eldest son got assaulted by one of them all evidence on cctv still awaiting investigation by police. I have 2 children my 18 year old and 15 year old. We all decided we want to move away from these neighbours. A property has came up out the blue to rent and available to move straight into whilst we can put the shared ownership house straight up for sale. The only trouble is the property to rent is 5 miles away happens to fall into a different county and my 18 year old is refusing to move because it’s 5 miles away, he says he has all his friends here and his apprenticeship job he would move house but only in this area not 5 miles away. I understand about friends and job but I bought him a car and he’s passed his test. I was thinking of our quality of life to get away from the toxicity of neighbours but my 18 yr old says he won’t come he will work something out or ask his dad who hasn’t had contact with him for about 9 years. I just don’t know what to do for the best. My 15 year old I can drive to and from school he will be in year 11 gcse time he wants to get out from the toxicity and understands I can drive him to friends and school etc. Any advice I’d be so grateful for

I can understand him not wanting to, sort of. Friends are everything at that age but, as he drives, he really has no excuse not to go with you. All you can do is go ahead with your plans and hope he sees sense & follows, or accept that equally he can start his own life and stay in that area.
Is your 15 year olds school still going to accept them if they’re in a different county though?
I don’t blame you moving away for a fresh start, it’s sounds like you’ve had an awful time. I hope all works out for you

I'd leave him to it. He's being a normal immature, self centered 18 year old. Let him know he'll always have a bed at your new place and maybe sooner rather than later he'll realise driving 5 miles is nothing to stress over.

He’s a grown man, if he wants to find an alternative place to live, let him go for it. You can’t all live like this because he wants to near his friends, that would be madness.

That's fine he just cant stay in the house your selling

Up to him what he does. If he doesn’t want to move that’s his choice. Why should the rest of you live somewhere you’re miserable because of your neighbours because of your son?

This.

Move. You can’t stay there. You’re the parent, you make the decisions, not him.

I doubt he’d actually go through with the threat of staying with his dad, he’ll come around.

He's an adult he said no. 5 miles isn't fair. If he said he'll sort alternative accommodation. Let him.

5 miles is nothing. Can he drive? Motorbike?

Don't let him hold you hostage! Move!
He'll sokn come round

I just don’t know what to do for the best.

You move.

And your adult son can either decide to move with you, or do something else.

But 5 mile is nothing! About a 10 minute drive. Does he realise this?

@AnnaQuayInTheUk yes he passed his test and I bought him car

@TheBewleySisters yes hes been there lots

Let him get on with it, move to your new place asap and let him know you'd love him to join you but you're moving and it's not up for discussion.

I have an 18 yr old son. You are moving for the right reasons I would carry on with the move if he doesn't want to move then he doesn't have to but you do. He can live in the car you bought him

He is 18 and has a car. 5 miles is no distance at all, his life doesn't need to change. He will have to live with the (small) distance or find his own place.

Why does 5 miles make any difference when he can drive? I assume he means he won't be able to go out drinking locally with his mates? Well, hard luck. Democracy says the majority wins. How feasible is it for him to live with his "estranged" dad? Could that feasibly work?

Move. And tell him he either comes with you or he finds alternative accommodation for himself. The house is being sold empty and untenanted.

Is the 5 miles an easy drive or a hard one? From where I live 5 miles one way takes less than 10 mins but the opposite direction would be 45 mins at work/school starting times.

Where you’re currently living is unsafe, he knows that as he’s been assaulted. He can drive five miles, he’ll soon realize that it’s not a big deal.

If he wants to drink with his friends, he can stay over at the weekend, for example.

How is this even a dilemma? You tell him you're moving, he can come with you or sort himself out.

Does he seriously think he can stop you from moving if he just says he's not coming? Your only answer is 'fine, you can sort yourself somewhere to stay because the house is being sold.'
His friends aren't going to forget him if he moves five miles, particularly as he's got a car (and I bet most of his friends don't so they'll want to keep him around to drive them). But I suspect as soon as he knows that he can't MAKE you stay in the house and you're moving whatever he decides - he'll come with you.

Just joining in the leave him to it chorus he's 18 and has laid out his options you can't sacrifice yourself and your 15 year to his wilful stupidity

Point out to your son that once the house has been sold, he will be a trespasser if he attempts to enter it, and the new owners will presumably be getting the locks changed.