My 18 year son is refusing to move

[QuaintOtter]

Partner bought a shared ownership home solely in his name nearly 4 years ago. We have been suffering Anti Social Behaviour from neighbours for 3 years. I’ve reported to their housing association and police but they have not done anything. This year things have escalated every time we go outside front door we get insulted, verbally abused and harassed by a group of housing association tenants that lives opposite. A month ago my eldest son got assaulted by one of them all evidence on cctv still awaiting investigation by police. I have 2 children my 18 year old and 15 year old. We all decided we want to move away from these neighbours. A property has came up out the blue to rent and available to move straight into whilst we can put the shared ownership house straight up for sale. The only trouble is the property to rent is 5 miles away happens to fall into a different county and my 18 year old is refusing to move because it’s 5 miles away, he says he has all his friends here and his apprenticeship job he would move house but only in this area not 5 miles away. I understand about friends and job but I bought him a car and he’s passed his test. I was thinking of our quality of life to get away from the toxicity of neighbours but my 18 yr old says he won’t come he will work something out or ask his dad who hasn’t had contact with him for about 9 years. I just don’t know what to do for the best. My 15 year old I can drive to and from school he will be in year 11 gcse time he wants to get out from the toxicity and understands I can drive him to friends and school etc. Any advice I’d be so grateful for

My DD pulled these stunts with me a few times, I let it go her way because I didn’t want to upset her routine and frankly I regret it because no similar opportunity has come along in the past 2 years.

5 miles is nothing though, that’s doable and he definitely can cope with.

Five miles is no distance. A very great many people travel further than that every day for work and school, and live that far away from their friends. Secondary school children do it independently by bus or train. Agree with everyone else - tell ds you are moving and he can choose whether to go with you or find himself somewhere else to live. Sounds as if it might be good for him to broaden his horizons a bit.

Don't you mean he THINKS he's a grown man. Most aren't at that age these days.

Shrug and carry on with your plans. He'll fall in line or, if he means it about getting in touch with tis dad, he's welcome mo.

Hes18, it's a soft boiled eggs drive away, he's being immature and petty. I'd say what's going to happen and that there will be a space for him at the new house if he changes his mind. I probably certainly wouldn't tell him he's immature but maybe would wonder if he's taking account of his brother and your sanity.

Sweet Baby Jesus! Tell him to grow up!

My 18 yo moved across Canada to do his military training. Five miles is nothing.

Wish him well with his house hunting.

Does it help if he sees the move as temporary until he can find and afford a flat share in his preferred area?

Does he feel confident driving? A refresher lesson might help.

Your son could very easily turn around in 6 months time and say he’s moving out with friends or a partner.

Don’t miss out on this opportunity for someone who probably won’t be living with you in a couple of years anyway.

prioritise safety and mental health.

As he is 18, he can move where he wants. You should do what you need to do meaning provide for him a good place to land.

5 miles is a bit of a trip if he just got his driving license. I understand his mixt feelings. But he can’t dictate what you should do though.

So you’re renting until you sell the house then moving again ?

in which case put it to him that he comes with you with the plan that you will look at new houses nearer.

I think he will find it’s not so bad when he gets there, just doesn’t like the idea of change

Let him sort something. My niece, she is 18, autistic, severe social anxiety (mutism in situations). She has managed to find herself a house share and moved out last week.

He is old enough to make that decision for himself. The question of whether he’ll be able to actually sort something is another.

5 miles?! We've always lived 5 miles from our nearest town, therefore school, friends, jobs etc, it's never been an issue. You've got him on the road, he's been ridiculous holding the family back and making everyone miserable because of this.

“Ok son, you’ve got until X date to either make arrangements with your dad or find somewhere else to live if you’re certain your not coming with us”

Does he know it will only take less than a 10 min drive for him to get back to the area for work and friends?

You need to move ….. he will definitely follow you. 5 miles isn’t alot

I would keep looking for something in a nicer road but still nearby

Five miles a bit of a trip? Oh come on.

Why should she keep looking when she's already found exactly what she wants?

Pat him on the shoulder, give him a huge hug and tell him that you respect that he's old enough to make his own decisions but he'll always have a bed at yours if he needs it.

Hard as it is - let him. He is an adult in the eyes of the law. Be clear that his choice is come with or make his own arrangements.

Has he tried the journey? 5 miles is little, our dc did it for secondary school. If he is so affected by the current situation this is a chance to distance himself from it. His apprenticeship and mates will still be there. You could call his bluff and suggest he stays in your property until it is sold. Or move with you all.

He's just having a tantrum to try to get you to change your mind. Don't bother going back and forth with him on the issue. Tell him you are going and he can sort himself out if he chooses not to come with you.

My son did this when we moved. He arranged to house share with some friends when we went, it lasted 3 weeks before he came to live with us again!

You need to make this move. Accept this opportunity.

Tell your son that this is what you are doing and offer a room in the new place or some help with finding him another place to live independently. No negotiation - just tell him your decision and he will have to base his next moves on this.

You have bought him a car for goodness' sake! - if he can't use that to travel 5 miles, then there is no point in him having it!

This.

I would leave him to it. Say you are moving it's up to him where he lives. It's 5 miles away and had a car. He's being a stroppy teenager. He will come round