Not quite sure how to put it but… buckle up it’s a long one…
I was always very shy as a child. Suspicious of people (with my family not surprising - few genuine compliments, loads of ‘teasing’). So I tended to keep myself to myself. I ‘found myself’ when I moved away from home, got a job etc. Still a bit shy and introverted but as I’ve got older I’ve found less shits to give and have just accepted that I’m not the life and soul of the party, but I’m a nice person!
Despite deliberately trying to coax DS into not being like me (his dad isn’t!) I guess nature won (he is like me in temperament, always has been since he was born) so although he is very friendly and laid back, he does have that ‘streak’ in him where he feels he can’t ’let go’ and is shy about making friends.
He has had some good friends in the past but has managed to fall out over daft things (or silly things they have said or done) and he is very unforgiving (will cut them out). I’ve tried talking to him but he will just say ‘no coming back, don’t ask’. He will speak without thinking and always wears his heart in his sleeve. I’ve tried to get him to wear a ‘poker face’ but he’s rather emotional.
He’s going into final year at uni (he’s 20!). Moving home because his friends (who he was sharing with) have had to move to somewhere cheaper (miles out, rubbish transport) and he likes being at home (much closer, good transport - he can walk to uni). He has a small circle of friends but they will go home after uni (about half abroad) they do like to hang out together, but obviously he won’t have the daily hanging out in the shared kitchen talking about (whatever lads talk about). They chat a LOT online together.
He is also quite lazy (not when it comes to work - he is driven to get a 1st) and outs things off.
Ive managed to get him a good discount at a local gym (a friend works there) and a couple of his friends are competing in lifting/weights (he’s not into that but enjoys the gym and the pool). I’ve tried to get him to join a local running club, try online dating etc.
So I’m worried he will be even more isolated from ‘people’. When I was at uni I was happy to come home and chill out with my family. I’d go out - but not huge amounts (not every night) but felt like I wasn’t ’part of the gang’ so I wonder if he feels the same? He won’t even go to nightclubs (god I loved to go out dancing at his age).
Don’t really know what I want - him to be happy I guess? He is usually ‘content’ and happy but once in a while I feel he is frustrated that he isn’t out 24/7 partying (although I’ve explained that in my experience, people who seem to be doing this either aren’t or end up being deeply unhappy people).