Adults at home

[shaqueena25]

Daughter is 25 BF is 24 ... daughter lives at home still with me and husband .
Everytime boyfriend stays here we have a row as I feel my daughter really takes the mick .
For eg this morning they got up at around 10.30 am and went out shopping at 11.30. At 2.30 they were home and both got straight back into bed pyjamas back on . This really pees me off as it's as if they cannot stay out of bed . If I said nowt they would both be back asleep all afternoon .
Am I being unreasonable to not agree with this ? They make me feel like I am . Husband also goes mad about this . Opinions please

What’s your problem?

That they’re not pulling their weight on domestic stuff for living in the house, or that they choose to spend their leisure time in comfy clothes chilling, or that they interupt your afternoon by shagging / by you thinking they’re shagging?

What difference does it make to you? They want to be alone. What do you want them to do? Sit in the sitting room with you watching TV and drinking tea? Why does it bother you so much that they want space alone together?

What does it matter to you, really? It's Saturday. I'm in my pjs watching shit and scrolling Mumsnet. The weather is filthy. Why not?

Huh? I don't get it. Unless there is another reason that you are pissed off about this i.e you think she should be doing some chores etc, then what does it matter to you what she does with her own time in her own home? They are relaxing in her room and spending time together as most couples do on weekends and they are doing that in her own space for privacy together.

My DD and her BF are the same age and rent their own place but I know they spend much of the weekend chilling out, in bed, watching box sets, gaming, and generally spending time together. Same kind of thing just not in one room. It doesn't bother me in the slightest what she does with her own spare time. Its HER time and she is an adult and can spend it how she wishes.

Geniune question - why do you object to it?

On the face of it it’s fine. What does it matter? Unless they aren’t contributing to the house - picking up after themselves / dd paying rent etc?

Or is it the fact you think they’re going back to bed to have sex during the day making you feel uncomfortable perhaps?

I just dont allow partners in my home.

I don't get why them relaxing in bed is an issue.

Note: I charge no rent. Not a penny.

I'm 47 and I do this regularly.

Sounds amazing.

🤔maybe they don't want to sit with you.

Don't tell us tell them.
Say sorry bf can't stay over anymore as its not being respected but your happy for him to join a family tea that daughter cooks !

I would never have partners stay end off. But agreed now you have had it'll be harder. But sit them both down and husband does most talking so they can see it's joint.

Stop it and stick to it. It's your home.

Living with adult DC is tough. Especially these days when they are at home till 30. Draw your boundaries whatever they may be.
I don't charge rent but I wont allow partners.

Me neither. I can't tell you how easy this makes life for me. Best thing I ever did.

I wouldn’t like it but I guess her bedroom is their only private space. What’s with pyjamas and getting into bed though, that is weird. If he’s staying over regularly I think you may have to say they need to get their own place. She’s 25!
DD 24 lives away with friends and DD21 lives at home with us but her bf is at uni. He occasionally stays over and she at his but I wouldn’t have it regularly, our house isn’t big enough.

I am Indian so I can get away with it in the name of tradition!

Same here.

hahahaha, I blame my Catholicism! I say "no, we're Catholics, we don't do that".

It's so much easier.

How miserable of you. What harm are they doing?

Our 22 year old graduated last year and is back home until September when he goes off to do his master’s.

His girlfriend is at uni but is not back there for another week or so. She often stays the night. An example is last night. She came over, they cooked a meal, went to the pub and got home at 1ish. Didn’t see them until midday. They dossed around in the kitchen and have now retired to the ‘den’ upstairs which is basically another sitting room. They may well have gone to his room and back to bed. We don’t monitor what they’re doing or wearing. I love it when the gf lounges around in pjs as she clearly feels at home. They will be lured downstairs by food and will join us this evening for pizza which they will help to make. They are a lovely pair and we love that they like to chill out here.

God it sounds dire! 😂
I have a small home. Only want my own kids.

I used to love having my DDs and their partners around … miss them all now we’re empty nesters.

I can’t see what harm they’re doing!

Having had several boyfriends staying over the years, I would say start as you mean to go on! If you don't allow them to stay., they will go to the partners parents for Xmas and holidays thought.

This, and all similar posts.

Can you tell us what it is you are objecting to ?

I mean, personally, I don't like wearing PJs in the day, but snuggling down to watch a film or TV on a cold January Saturday sounds lovely. My (adult) dd loves wearing her PJs around the house. I can't say it bothers me - what she wears is up to her.

When ds and his gf lived with us, they spent most of their time in his room, as it was, in effect a bedsit. No young adult wants to sit sipping tea with their "MiL" when round there, they are there to spend time with their gf / bf.

I always change into my pyjamas when I get home.

She is in her own room what's it to do with you.