Thread 53 - Covid GCSE Cohort - Happy New Year 2025 to our fab young people

[Delphigirl]

New thread! Looking forward to traversing 2025 with this fantastic group 🎉😘

@Oblomov24 - definitely not just you! 3 months under a duvet sounds bliss. DS (23) is still needing parenting - asks for help and advice, and then goes off on one when you dare to provide it. It's exhausting.

Crazy, sorry you are finding it tough, you usually seem to take it all in your stride. I’m still feeling a bit pulled around by everyone. My 30 yr old son came home for 6 months during lockdown and he’s still here . He works from home so he’s here all the time, and doesn’t think to tactfully withdraw at any point. So if Dh and I have a little spat, he will offer his verdict, should get him a black strip and a whistle. Dd is backwards and forwards constantly , often with bf in tow and gets disappointed if I’m not here for her to chat with in between her more important stuff. She seems to be in a lather about her health , and no sooner is one issue resolved than another pops up. Having been assured by a dermatologist that her perfectly ordinary mole is not cancerous, she’s now trying to convince herself and me she is gluten intolerant. They went back to Uni last night, but apparently she’s back on Thursday .Yay.
My older Dd has 2 under 3, they all had colds last weekend and her Dh was away. She asked me so I travelled 200 miles, worked my socks off for 3 days to look after them all. My reward? - she showed me a “ comedy” skit of a young mum playing her boomer Mother as disaster grandma , delivering a monologue about ruining the kids bedtime routine, diet etc. Ha bloody ha. And now I’ve got the stinking cold.
@ealingwestmum I too smoked for 45 years stopping only when unexpected daughter with asthma landed upon us, 7 years ago. I had tried so often before, but I think what helped it stick that time was telling an old friend I had stopped, expecting support and she said well it’s about time, no one does that any more because they don’t want to die. Tough love worked! So , lovely Ealing, about time!😇

Ahh,sympathies to all of you who are also supporting elderly parents/friends too, you must really feel pulled in different directions! And @zebracat with the grandchildren too! I guess it just never ends then?!

I am joining you all! I had surgery last week and told everyone I was taking a few weeks off afterwards. The nearest we get to a parenting sabbatical 🙂 except it never really works that way does it? Dd1 and ds1 have exams, dd2 has multiple health issues that seemingly no-one else knows how to manage.... Constant emails that only I can deal with. I do wonder what would happen if I was suddenly struck down and completely unable to do anything but of course I know people would step up. However, as long as we are conscious and mentally alert, the responsibility never really goes away!

But it is a nice break from housework and taxi service! Even if I had to have surgery to get it 😂🤣

@handmademitlove I hope it was nothing too serious, and that you're on the road to recovery (although I wouldn't tell anyone too soon that you're on the mend - enjoy the rest while you can!!).

@Seeline Thank you. I find it interesting that when the children were little, there was never really time to rest and get better when I was unwell, and that was just part of parenting. I always thought that as they got older, it would be easier. But actually, getting older means more ailments generally and yet while the physically demanding parenting has eased, the mental / emotional demand has increased. So while I can physically rest and recover more easily, my brain does not really get a rest!

Hoping all those who are also suffering, both physically and mentally, find rest in whatever way you can.

It all changes doesn't it as they grow up, just different problems. When DH was going through the prostate cancer diagnosis last year we were able to keep it from the DCs till we had the final outcome because he just went off to his appointments during working hours. Now I've got my gynae appt at the hospital which I would also rather keep to myself till I know the outcome but it clashes with a time when I usually give DD a lift home from college (her college is near my work). So on the one hand she's grown up and can catch the bus, when she was young I would have had to arrange DH to pick her up. But on the other hand when she was young I could have just said I was going somewhere and she wouldn't have thought anything of it but at 19 it's harder to fob them off and not worry them.

@ExpensiveDecoration I completely agree. I hope you find a solution that works for you both!

I remember this stage with my own parents. As my dad was being taken away in the back of an ambulance, my mum told me not to worry as it was all fine last time.... at which point I asked "what last time?" cue awkward conversation.... As a result we made a family pact that any overnight stays in hospital had to be declared😊We pointed out to parents that just as they worry about us, we worry about them and now we were adults there was no need to shield us from reality. That was many years ago and we still use it, both with my family and DHs, and now the kids when they are not living at home!

I do think back to that when my first reaction is not to tell the kids as they would worry. I hated that I hadn't been told..

Yes, I don't want to keep anything from the DCs really (I worry about telling my parents too as they still worry about us). But Iast year was really hard with DH going through the diagnostic process over a couple of months and I did want to shield them from the horrible waiting for results part as they both had exams in that period, we did tell them as as soon as we had it confirmed.

Just checking in.
Loving the talk on parenting. Yes, in some ways it doesn't get any easier!
My parents are also very secretive, but have major health issues now. Mum has an enlarged heart but there there is no coordination between their GP & hospital.

I'm emotionally worn out too😄
Ds2 went to uni for only 3 weeks back in September & managed to acquire habits of smoking & vaping ( drinking too). He got a job over Xmas but is now reapplying for more.
He's re-applied for next year & Loughborough is also keeping his place open for him if he wants to return.
It was so bloody depressing packing up his stuff & to cap it all i got a parking fine! So I had a wry smile at the thought of you giving up the smoking @ealingwestmum . I used to smoke at uni as my parents pointed out 😞

About 7 years ago DH had a mini stroke. I told the kids I was taking him to A&E because his arm was hurting. They didn't question it. I didn't want to tell them because they could have told MIL who was dealing with FIL's Alzheimer's decline. When we did eventually tell them they were fine with it. They hadn't even noticed that DH hadn't been driving for several months (probably a reflection of how much of the running around I always did). We didn't tell MIL until we knew DH was okay, FIL had passed away and we were confident she could cope with it.
My own mum is very quick to update me on every ailment she or DF have which I'm grateful for. Now the kids are older I don't think I'd hide anything from them but that might depend on where they were at the time and the impact that knowing might have.

Good to hear from you @cantonet! Sorry to hear about ds2, that sounds stressful! Where is he hoping to go in September? Did your ds1 go back in the end?

Ds has three offers for PPE - Essex, Swansea, UEA - so if anyone has any wisdom to offer on these 3 unis/courses, please go ahead! I just can't imagine him managing his timetable/deadlines etc, but he has improved since he left school and now looks at his emails every day (or at least he was when he was in the UK). I'm just hoping it's not a massive mistake...

We've not yet had any health issues we've needed to hide from the kids, so I'm not really sure when/if we'd tell them. I can understand waiting until you've had test results though.

Lots of lovely solidarity here on the woes of the life treadmill, and thank you @Zebracat and @Cantonet for making me feel better, I'm very used to the line of 'but you seem very intelligent...' fuckwittery that comes with those chastising :)

I had more on a different level when at my french class today. 90 mins I normally love every week, talking about everything and nothing with a disparate bunch of folk brought together solely by their love of wanting to speak better French in the local Weatherspoons at 9am. Our Parisian (and much younger than us) 'teacher' has a habit of when doing round robin, questioning in such a manner why we are all having such challenges in life with parents, kids etc. When asking me about my week, I mentioned DD (challenges with securing rental accom across 3 forthcoming geographies), or mum/MIL issues etc. She asked why do I talk about others rather than about myself and what I had been up to? Clearly couldn't get her head around BUT MY LIFE IS NOT MY OWN! I didn't obviously scream this out loud. She has much younger children, all this is yet to come!

She's tolerated because I like the group but think I prefer her when she asks me questions like 'of course you are going to have curry on xmas day, or 'surely you only drink tea' type nonsense. My favourite to date is:

Ealing, how come you get hay fever?
Response: Why wouldn't I, if I cut myself I bleed red blood too'

If I were to say I thought this must be a French thing, I would be as bad as her, so I keep it in my head, grin and respond politely, in the knowledge that whatever I say goes way above her head :)

That's great news on the offers front @crazycrofter ! Can't add any wisdom I'm afraid.

Thinking about your boy for next week @PhotoDad

I know some others here have YP waiting or receiving offers/taking exams this summer, hope they are all on track to their next stages in life.

Haha @ealingwestmum , I’m sure I always talk about the kids when I’m asked about my life! Somehow full time work is just a minor distraction by comparison 🤣

@crazycrofter DD loves it at UEA and Norwich. Lovely campus with decent accommodation. Lots of clubs and societies. Good sports facilities.
Not sure from your comments, but if your DS has SEN, they have pretty good support if the student is prepared to seek it out. There is a form on the website you can use to make contact prior to starting - DD used it once she had made them her firm choice and they were great. When she started they had already set up her special adjustments etc.
Lots of private accommodation for Y2 onwards at prices lower than many places.
She moans about the buses and the fact that there are no Ubers, but she is used to London!

I know nothing about your DSs course I'm afraid.

@crazycrofter Congrats on those lovely offers. Swansea i always say is soo underated.Its an excellent university! is it Bay campus by any chance? whichever campus it has an excellent reputation. I'll never forget the open day with ds1, great lecturers, everybody seemed so switched on. Fantastic accommodation, great campus and who doesn't want to learn by the sea? aaaahh!!

UEA is very popular on MN and especially amongst the 2019 cohort, lots of Mner jnrs went there so I'm sure someone will come along to tell you more. DS and i visited (on a rainy day) we weren't impressed with his dept (CS) nor the HOD but it's a good uni overall, fantastic vibe& great social life.

Essex is a bit marmite that i still can't quite figure out yet. Its either excellent, especially in Economics or its a bit meh! in my opnion.

My DD now has offers from Lincoln, Portsmouth, RHUL and Leicester, waiting for Southampton which may be on the ambitious side grades-wise. Of these Portsmouth and Leicester are out of the running, it’s between the others, Lincoln would win apart from on distance (we are Surrey/Hampshire borders, pretty well midway between Soton and RHUL). It’s a lot to think about.

Has she visited them all @ExpensiveDecoration ? I remember visiting RH when I was in sixth form and finding the (objectively beautiful!) building overwhelming and a bit foreboding! My dd’s ex was there though and he liked it - he wasn’t into clubbing at all so it suited.

Thanks for feedback @shimy and @seeline! I can see him ditching Essex to be honest as the student satisfaction scores are lower than the other 2 and I’m not sure it offers anything the other two don’t. DD’s boyfriend is at Swansea and she wants him to go there so she can see him whenever she visits! I’m wondering whether he’ll want to plough his own furrow at UEA, but he’s not visited either so who knows?! @seeline that’s great info about the support as he’s got ADHD and will need it! @shimy his course is at Singleton sadly!

Also dd had Southampton as her insurance and we really liked it. One of her best school friends is very happy there.

We all sound in a similar situation with health issues and elderly relatives so hats off to us all for coping as we do. Good luck re diets and stopping smoking. The one thing I achieved last year was the diet and exercise and definitely feel better for it.

@crazycrofter the exam situation sounds so unfair. I hope it gets sorted. Swansea uni is great - DS used to swim at the uni for Welsh Nationals and training camps as DH is Welsh. Great sports facilities.

Still nothing from RAF and DS less confident by the moment...

It's just rubbish getting older isn't it?! Hope health issues are being sorted. My knees are rubbish but my hormones think I'm still in my thirties very jealous of people my age who don't feel laid up once a month!! (Having said that I didn't suffer in my thirties).
DD continues to make the most of her year in Austria. She's visited so many places and the scenery is stunning in every one of them. The latest is just skiing for the day because it's only 50 minutes away. It's making us all so jealous, especially DS who isn't going skiing this year due to A levels. He's still set on Sheffield unless offer holder days are different to what he expects.

She’s been to open days at all of them except Portsmouth @crazycrofter but we go to the city sometimes, she really isn’t interested in going there but couldn’t think of a 5th choice. I’ve been to RHUL and Lincoln with her, DH to Southampton and Leicester. I know what you mean about RHUL, the building is wow but a bit overwhelming almost. Being local-ish we know a few who have been or are there or at Southampton and both get positive reviews generally. DD is a very quiet non-partying type so RHUL being quiet wouldn't be an issue. Will be interesting to see about offers, she’s on track for AAD when the standard offer is AAB but she is doing an EPQ in the subject and AD grades are already taken so only one left to go, plus the D is in a non-relevant subject.

I've rather dropped off MN for the past few days! DD is now back at uni and plunged into final coursework, plus lectures on the business side of creative arts. DS has offers from Durham, Leeds, Nottingham, and Lancaster.

And to add to health woes, I'm off work today as I managed to trip and fall all the way down the stairs at home! Thankfully it is JUST heavy bruising and sprains, could have been a lot worse if I'd connected with hard furniture.

Ouch @PhotoDad