My mum's gone off on one....AGAIN

[Miffed52]

I'm a 53 year old childless single woman. Christmas cards are coming and in them people are detailing how full these people's lives are and one in particular saying how their grandchildren are spending Christmas with them from Germany. Mum turned round to me and said I have denied her grandchildren and a son in law all because of my "shyness and sensitivity. They've all got you worked out you know". She'll then say, "Why can't you be more like such and such"? and then will say I'm just like my dad (who died when I was 6). I have no idea why I've ended up single and have accepted that no one wants me, but my mum is extremely disappointed in me. She'll say, "Another Christmas in the same boat". I'm at a loss how to deal with this 😭😭😭😭😭😭

She sounds highly toxic and you may be best placed to avoid spending time with her and choose to spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself.

Are you living with her? If not, limit your time with her and if she makes nasty comments say, "please don't talk to me like that." And leave. Do the same on the phone.

She’s not thinking about your feelings and she needs to grow up.

Jesus op, I hope you don’t live with this poisonous old bat! Distance yourself and spend your time with people who like you and value you for you. If you see her or speak to her and she starts this crap tell her you will leave, hang up etc if she doesn’t stop. And do it.

What a horrible thing to say to you! Would she prefer to had an kids with someone that was horrible just to tick the box?! Very toxic!

Do you live with her? If yes, do you have the means to move out on your own? If no, go low or no contact.

Shes a horrible bully.
Its not you, its her.

Well presumably she liked your dad if she had a kid with him?

Sorry OP, she sounds upsetting.

What extremely

Don't know how I managed to post that, sorry.

It's the sort of thing my mother used to say to me, and until I read that your dad died when you were 6, I did wonder if you were my sibling!
Your mother needs to keep her opinions to herself. It doesn't sound as though being single is a deliberate life choice for you, and she needs to stop rubbing your nose in it. Can you grey rock her and have a stock phrase that you always respond with, and immediately change the subject afterwards?
If you can do, I'd be spending less time with her to avoid giving her opportunities to aim her barbed comments at you.

She sounds very like my father. Expects you to live your life to align with her expectations. I cut contact. Had a lot of counselling. My life is calmer, happier and easier without him in it.

Well I think we can all see quite clearly what a nasty bully your mother is. You need to cut her out of your life right away. It can be hard to realise how nasty a bully parent is if they have always been that way and you've grown up with it. Over the decades she has clearly been chipping away at your self esteem, what a nasty cow she is. If you are shy and this has been a factor in you not meeting someone then it's obvious whose fault your lack of confidence is.

I'm assuming you live with your mother?

Is there any way you could move out if so?

Could you book yourself a trip to Tenerife next Christmas so she wouldn't have to suffer the same old boat?

She’s sounds utterly vile.
I hope you don’t have to spend Christmas day with her. If you are planning on seeing her I wouldn’t go in your shoes, and pamper yourself instead.

I don't know why pp think you live with your mother but I sincerely hope that you don't. I would deal with it by having very little to do with the old bitch. Possibly nothing.

You don’t deserve that, @Miffed52.
You know in your heart of hearts that you don’t deserve that, don’t you?
When she starts in with the bad talk, just leave.
Every single time.
Walk out., because that’s unacceptable.
If she can’t figure out how valuable you are, she doesn’t deserve the honour of your company.
You are the most valuable person in the world.
Treat yourself like it. ❤️
Maybe your mother will realize it, maybe she won’t, but that isn’t your problem, is it.
Wasn’t a question.

How horrible of her 😢 you are enough, just you, you don't need anyone else to validate you. I would limit the amount of time you spend with her, she sounds very unkind. She should be grateful she has a lovely daughter.

I think it’s time you stopped allowing yourself to be wounded by her.
She has her own issues but you don’t have to be her punchbag.
I would go low contact and be fairly non-involved to give myself time to heal away from her awful attitude.
best to you xx

Sounds like it’s time to give her a Christmas in a different boat by going out to treat yourself to a nice peaceful pub lunch and leave her to fester by herself.

Well, not to be heartless but if your dad died 40+ years ago ask her why she didn’t remarry and get more kids / grandchildren. Why is it your responsibility to repopulate?

Same boat here OP! I HATE when the round robins start arriving. No good advice, but just try not to let it grind you down, although I know that’s easier said. 💐

Well, for a start, don't live with your mother or spend time with her.

Buy yourself a copy of "Toxic Parents" and read it in her presence (or just read it anyway, it's a great book and will genuinely help).

Tell her, in this world of such unkindness you didn't want to run the risk of continuing her nasty fucking genes.

Said from a 47 year old childless woman with a fucked up mother who should never have procreated.

Apart from that, love and strength ..I hear you x