Please tell me how to be positive about the empty nest..

[ssd]

Youngest moved out recently and decided have an empty nest. Its not uni, its proper moved out. About a couple of hours away.
I feel lost and bleak and really really low.

Can anyone who has been through it tell me what to do to be more positive?

I feel im sinking. I work, see friends, have a good dh. Ive got no more family outside my own dh and kids.

It scares me how low i get. I didn't expect this.

Carry on setting an example by building an interesting life just in a different shape! Your time now. Learn, travel, take care of your health, put something back into your community. No good dripping about. Get a new routine. Yes miss them, but be proud you’ve given dc the best start. Our two wonder what we’re going to be up to next.

Not everybody has funds to travel. I certainly don't. As for volunteer work I have no time for that until I am retired which will be in my mid seventies the way things are going. We don't all have plenty of time and money on our hands. I am however planning to read more. Anyway I have four more years still lol.

I love it! House is less cluttered and more spacious, don't have the constant meal prep and clearing up,less laundry.

Time on my own to be me again and do what I want. Catch up with dcs when they come to visit or when I visit them. Honestly, it's brilliant. Enjoy it.

No good dripping about

😂 very true!

Carry on setting an example by building an interesting life just in a different shape

Whilst, as pp says, not all of us have the funds to travel, there's so much we can do to enrich our lives so that we don't become just the supporting characters in our adult children's lives.

No more dripping about, girls 💪

Ah wise words here!

I think i have started dripping a bit, i need to pull my socks up!!

Its just a massive life change and none of mt friends are in a similar situation yet.

I don't see any 'dripping about' just people processing their emotions. No harm in that unless it goes on more than a few months or becomes unmanageable.

Mines gone on more than a few months but like i said my dc have moved away not gone to uni, moved away and working and i miss them. Its that simple.

You’re in good company, Michelle Obama is also finding things hard apparently since her two girls left home.

There was a Kathy Lette article in the Guardian yesterday about empty nests. It was quite funny if you can find online you might enjoy it.

Mine are at uni and in last years of school. I have struggled a bit with them not being little anymore but I do have some exciting things planned for myself. I go through phases of being sad then all excited! It’s an odd time of life…

It is hard and it will take time getting used to that. You have done a great job raising independent young adults. They are not gone forever either - and if they ever have children they will need you more.

You can still contact your dc over text and calls etc - they will appreciate you thinking of them and knowing that you are still available for those impromptu chats.

This is also a great time to think about trying new hobbies - art, walking groups, crafting, exercise classes etc - so many places offer trial or day sessions if you are unsure whether you like it or not. No harm in giving something a go - you never know- you may end up forming new friendship groups. Also once you do, it will give something interesting to talk about with your dc too.

Im sure they’ll help OP. I’m on them too, have been for the last couple of years and I won’t be coming off anytime soon..life savers 😀.
I hope you feel a little better soon.

Thanks. Im on 10mg of citalopram, its not making a difference yet. Am wondering if it should be increased?

It doesn't need to be increased @ssd

You can either give it a chance to work or accept that your GP is medicalising perfectly normal feelings which don't need a pill.

Have you thought about changing jobs?

This is helpful for me to read as I know I will find it heartbreaking. But to also the reality on here that there is worse heart break. A good friend of mine will always have her son at home and I can see that this is much more complex emotionally.

Im actually taking it to try to see if it will help with health anxiety. I'm hoping it does, even a little bit of help would be wonderful. And if its helps with all my other feelings as well, this would be a real bonus.

I’ve really struggled with this new phase of life. I’ve started antidepressants almost two weeks ago and I’m hoping they will help.

Im actually taking it to try to see if it will help with health anxiety.

You have my sympathy - I had the most god awful HA for years.

I think anti-Ds take several weeks to work. If at all. I never found them useful but hope they give you some respite.

Thank you

Yes, quite possibly as 10mg is a very low dose. You have my sympathy too as it’s something I’d suffered with in the past and know how bad it can affect you. I’m certainly a lot more relaxed than I ever used to be, not perfect but feel more like ‘me’.

I'll stick with the 10mg for 6 weeks and if i still feel the same I'll go back and see my gp.

You give them roots and wings. I’m 15 years on. What I did -
Immediately increase my hours to full time - sadly my boss was terminally ill and couldn’t carry on working (perhaps they had waited until DC went to uni) so I changed by hours the next day.
With siblings, cared for both parents when they were dying (with said full time work).
Got promoted.
Enjoy more flexibility - previously I cooked dinner every evening while DC did prep and DH worked late. Now we share the cooking as we both work the same hours.
Can spontaneously go to plays, dinner, drinks after work with DH.
Can go out after work with colleagues.
Have more luxurious holidays and have money to go away for the weekend at a whim.
Increased pay from full time more senior work means I could overpay my pension so will be much better off in retirement, help DC with money for travel while at university nice accommodation, underwriting rent on graduation (not needed - lived like a monk!) wedding, paying off student loan, home deposit, taking professional risks. Note helped - DC paid most of this and worked every holiday from post GCSE on.

It does change your relationship but we make the effort to have a coffee, lunch dinner, weekend or week away.

How are you feeling @ssd ?

I'm doing OK thanks @VioletSpeedwell . Adjusting to things and getting on with it all.

Thank you for asking.

I’ve got 3/4 out and I love it. I can finally concentrate on my career. Wander round in my pants or less and eat meals when I want. If I never hear What’s for lunch/supper ever again that’s fine by me.

glad you’re feeling ok @ssd. I’m there myself atm. My second DD has just moved out , luckily in local area in shared house waiting to go to uni in September. It’s really tough even though she just is 10 mins drive away ! My other DD is working 1.5 hours away in a very long hours job. DD2 has ASD & has needed an immense amount of support her whole life to get to the point where she can be independent. On one hand I’m so happy that she has reached that stage and on the other it just leaves such a massive hole ! I do work , but part time as I have an energy limiting illness . I know it will get easier , but it’s flippin difficult!!!

Thanks @rubyslipperss , it is tough you are right. Its just one day at a time.