Please tell me how to be positive about the empty nest..

[ssd]

Youngest moved out recently and decided have an empty nest. Its not uni, its proper moved out. About a couple of hours away.
I feel lost and bleak and really really low.

Can anyone who has been through it tell me what to do to be more positive?

I feel im sinking. I work, see friends, have a good dh. Ive got no more family outside my own dh and kids.

It scares me how low i get. I didn't expect this.

Would you take in a lodger? Maybe from a country of a language you'd like to learn/culture you're interested in? You'd make money and have company a bit. You could end up being quite close friends.

Remember who you were before? That woman is still there.

Daugter was gone 2 weeks, went to hairdresser for an hour we had a first floor shower pump fail resulting in a top down flood. Middle of the house written off. Month in a hotel now air bnb for 6 months. Made the empty nest feeling go away quite quickly 😟😟

I'm in a similar situation. My son is disabled and now in his 40's, he will live with me until I die and after that god knows. I'm a widow with no other family. I'd give my right arm to have seen him live a "normal" life, leave home, go to uni, have a career. Sending you love Doggo.

Sending you love Doggo

Me too - and you @ginasevern

Thing is, those of us with able bodied NT children want them to have the opportunity to live independently with confidence. But that doesn't mean there isn't sometimes a void in our lives when they do. And it's ok for us to admit that and talk about it here.

I wish there was more support in society for parents like you.

Mine moved out 7 years ago and lived 250 miles away from me. Both living amazing lives, great jobs, travelled extensively and owned flats. Saw them every couple of months and never missed them as I was having fun too!
I have a full life in my mid 60s. We go away a lot, I have great friends and interests.
My ds died suddenly 7 weeks ago. It's awful. But I'm glad he had a packed 25 years..he was independent, lots of friends, amazing partner and friends. His world was full of people other than me and that's good.

What a lovely way of looking at it @AuntieMarys

My DD is 20 and watching her live her busy, happy life exhausts me but I'm happy that she's living it on her terms. My late teens/early 20s were marred by bereavement and depression so I love that she's living her best life (as they say).

@AuntieMarys

💐@AuntieMarys
Im so sorry for your loss.

Thing is, the OP asked for perspective about feeling sad that her son has done the normal thing and move out. That’s what I and others are trying to give her.

I hope it’s coming across as a kind reminder that the OP can feel sad about her situation, and she absolutely has the right too, but some of us would give our eye teeth for this problem.

The OP has achieved something wonderful, she probably worked hard for, and should feel accomplished by.

Thanks , i do feel proud but its mixed in with sadness which i guess is very normal. I'm really sorry for your loss @AuntieMarys and I'm sorry for others whose kids won't leave home and be independent. I know i am very fortunate.

I’m a year in to my empty nest and I’ve got very used to having my own space, rather love having the house to myself. It’s a strange time of life, kind of plateauy (that is a word I have decided) and a bit aimless…lots of tea helps.

You have described it perfectly @Twoshoesnewshoes

Not serious but a mum I know said that when her triplet girls moved out within a week of each other to go to different unis, she missed them like mad but relished the fact she no longer to clean the long hair and soapy gunk out of the shower drain twice a day.

OP, I've been there, it does get better. I run my own business and gave more time to that when mine moved out. I also did more of my hobbies and started some voluntary work related to my business. I spend quality time with DH, see friends, go for a swim.

They generally come back, for a meal, a day or a weekend, either alone or with new friends or partners. Or we visit, and I love to see how they are establishing their own homes and traditions. I really love this stage of motherhood now.

Well I don't mean to be harsh but you need to find some! Take up flower arranging or raving or skiing or basically anything. Otherwise you're going to live a very small life.

ssd and OP

I feel your pain. This stage is much harder than I realised. Anyway spent New Year looking for things to join/do. Going to try the WI next week! Ha ha

Personally I’m finding it really hard. I know it’s the next stage of parenting and that we parent in a different way. But this hurts a lot.
since my youngest left for uni, which coincided with being pushed out of a job, I’ve struggled.
if I could get a grip I would have, yes I’ve gone for a walk, seen the GP.
Situation is not going to change,
It’s the acceptance of it, it’s hard. They took such a part of my life and I loved it.
So if anyone is struggling and not there yet in being over it, please reach out.
or am I the only one that isn’t coping too well.

I too have now tried the WI. Found it rather ‘old lady’ so not for me 🤣. I’ve a few hobbies that I throw myself in but need something more ‘people’ focussed really, to get me out of my head.

How’s things going now OP?

I have two who have moved out and two still home but I do think I might foster when the other two go. I feel that will fill the house and make me feel I’m doing something properly meaningful that builds on all the experience I have as a parent. Maybe short term placements only but I need to research.

I’m so sorry, that is desperately sad. He sounds like a wonderful young man.

Sorry just seen this. Still kinda quietly feeling the same. Started antidepressants, hope they help me a bit

Count your blessings. I live in Dublin and have my 26 year old and 21 year old living with me. Rents are nuts here plus all their friends live at home so they have no one to move out with either! I don’t mind them being here obviously but I do think it would be nice for them to have their independence! And I wouldn’t mind some peace and quiet! We do tend to holiday apart usually though🤣. My 21 year old is in her third year of a four year general nursing degree but wants to do midwifery after so I can’t see her leaving anytime soon. She’s talking about going to Australia afterwards though which is a bit too far for my liking but as a nurse the world will be her oyster!

My 2 pay a fortune in rent alone, its expensive here too.

I am pleased for them but i miss the day to day chats.

I'm so sorry @ssd....its a horrible feeling. When my only child went to uni and I was completely alone at home, I thought my world had ended. Thank goodness for work which took my mind off it for a while

Somehow, after the first term, I gradually started to feel better. I tried really hard to keep the positives at the front of my mind (silly things like more disposable income and a tidy house)

Do you do "care package" type things just for you, each week? 🥰

D s is an only child aged 20. My problem is when he does move out I will be nearly 65! I am 61 and get very tired and drained easily by having him here. It has only ever been us on our own though he does see his dad and his family fairly regularly.

I think I will just collapse in a heap when he does move out. Definitely no new hobbies but hoping way more reading. Ds wishes to invest in an HMO but he runs his car goes on holiday plus socialises so it will take a good few years....

The other evening he was even talking to me through the door when I was taking a relaxing bat h! I should be happy he chats so freely I guess. A friend has just fallen out with hers of similar age and she has already moved out.

Everybody else is much younger than me so has more energy!

Though it is humid at present which does not help.