From the GCSE years, to graduation & beyond

[Dearover]

After sharing the Oxford & Cambridge years with so many of you, I think we can safely say we're now parents of adult children (& caring for elderly parents too in some cases). Here's a space to share their adventures without cluttering up the HE thread.

Thank you for setting this up - with DC1 having graduated and edging into work I feel I can have a foot in this thread and in the previous one with DC2.

I’m not sure this parenting business gets easier - more hands off but equally worrying

Thank you for setting up the thread.
DS is a postgraduate student, so I also feel I have a foot in both camps.

It's in my other name, but DD was PPE Oxford & graduated last year. Ironoaks and I have been together on these threads for 8 or 9 years now.

We're actually in the car heading towards Oxford to collect DD's boyfriend for the weekend to keep loves young dream alive (long story). He's a medic and has 2 more years to go there.

Also a foot in both camps. DS1 has started his graduate role (one month in) and sits his first two professional exams next month - four years to qualify! He's back at home for the foreseeable future.

DD is still at university- 3rd year medic. DS2 is a 2nd year / Sophomore in the US.

i will also be following this new thread - thanks for starting it. Even though I have not posted as often as some, I feel very invested in your DC’s lives. And although DS is just getting ready to head back to Oxford for his masters, it is only one year and he hasn’t a clue where he will be heading next. Vague talk of ‘taking a year out’ afterwards has me and DH rather concerned. I have no issue with it in principle, but I also know how difficult he finds self-organisation/motivation (ASD). I sense some very difficult parenting on the horizon, and having you wonderfully wise lot to talk to would be brilliant.

Thanks for the new thread Dearover. A name change for new times. DS4 has a graduation booked for the end of May 2025 - I assume this will be the last one - so I still have a small toe in the other camp. Although after the DC spending a combined total of thirty academic years at Oxford across nine colleges I think the connection is pretty solid, even if the memories fade. All those finals papers too - no regrets from anyone that that bit is all over. DS3 and his fiancee are currently planning their wedding at the college where they met (indeed were tutorial partners). So still a couple of lovely events in the pipeline.

Just to re-iterate all the very best of luck to all those about to start the post uni application rounds.

@LaundryFairy we are in a similar position but perhaps a year ahead as DS who just graduated from O hasn't opted for the masters route yet. He is chaotic and hopeless at admin. Yesterday DS was busy filling in masses of forms for agency work who've offered him a job subject to clearances which require lots of admin tasks to be completed. I'm hoping now he's moved out into a house share and is paying rent he will have the incentive to get the paperwork sorted. Give him his due he spent 5 weeks this summer working 12 hrs a day 6 days a week to build up a financial buffer for the first couple of months.

@ThatllBeTheDay I'm impressed with your skill at name changing - I've done it for one thread to protect DC identity but then worried about not checking each time I posted on the Higher Education thread.

@HoneyMobster I hope the US experience has been a success.

@Dearover as you so precisely illustrate parenting doesn't stop! It's good to be able to support them during this transition phase...

@Dearover thanks for setting this up. I still have a toe in the Oxbridge thread as DD1 has 6 months of stipend for her PhD left, but DD2 moves out in a week to start her science career. She has finally got somewhere to live, the LL seems decent and they spent 30 minutes on the phone this morning discussing furniture etc. DD has now booked her utilities - I am amazed by her organisation skills. On Monday we're going shopping for things like a kettle, but she has most cooking implements from her uni days.

@Dearover thanks for setting up this new thread. This is great.

I know I'm going to lose track of who everyone was when we all started out, so apologies if I get muddled up. For now, I'll not name change myself.

I'll look forward to seeing how everyone's DC is doing as they move out into the working world or do further academic study or - like in the case of my DCs - do professional training.

There was method in our madness in collecting the BF this morning. We were going on holiday for a week and took the opportunity to reunite DD & her BF for the weekend on our way.

DD moved up north earlier this month to start a masters. She spent a year working in the NHS to be able to afford it (with lots of dark muttering about the unfairness of PPE not having an integrated masters option). She's been put in a flat with another Oxford grad & they have friends in common despite not knowing each other before. Hoping that this year will be less eventful than her last fresher's experience.

Thanks @Dearover I'd love to join and great to see lots of familiar posters.
I'm using an old username, ds finished a 4 year MMath at Oxford this summer. He's working and living in London and enjoying it as far as I can tell.

Joining you as I was on the 2017 university starters threads.

I've been to Dunelm today to collect a heated airer. I thought those days were over.

Hello @bettbburg

Spent the morning shopping for things that former student DD2 didn't need at uni but now needs for her 1st flat. We now have a double mattress and topper (bed being delivered on Sunday), a microwave and kettle. Slightly stressing about how to fit it all in the car alongside DD and DH...

The heated airer was bad enough. Glad we left the giant bean bag chair in the shop.

You've got quite a trek in a loaded car. I'm from even further west originally than you, so I appreciate the logistics. I've had too many trips to Treliske recently up & down the A30.

Just leaning round the door of this thread as ds still has another year but is making plans for graduation, job interviews etc.

Question on my mind today is, how do people find flats in London these days?? I'm very old and was earning v little so had a series of scrofulous house shares I found in Loot. Is it all letting agents now or are there decent websites? Ds will have a relatively bigger budget than I ever did and is lined up with a possible flatmate from his course.

The lucky ones still seem to live at home & commute. I think others use Spareroom or letting agents. A colleague (not in London) has been trying to find a 1 or 2 bed flat urgently and was shocked to find she was routinely being gazumped by young grads starting work and was expected to make an instant decision whilst viewing flats.

DS1 is living at home for the foreseeable as we're in a good commuting spot in London. A lot of children of friends who live locally are doing the same, even those with very well paid city jobs. The thinking seems to be that it's easier to have a year at home while you find your feet at work. Obviously that doesn't help if you don't have family in London though.

For DS1's friends who don't have family in London there seem to be a lot of 'friends of friends' - people join flats with someone already known to them rather than finding one cold.

DS is sharing with 2 friends who all started work this summer and did it all online with a video tour. Thankfully the flat is quite nice, they had a good idea of what they wanted and where and kept an eye on a few apartment buildings. They did have to make a fairly quick decision so didn't start looking until 5 or 6 weeks before they wanted the lease to start.

DS came back to bring the car back after moving into their house share last week. (We weren't allowed to take them being embarrassing parents.) Life is currently dominated by the 'onboarding' process for temporary agency work. An intense uni education has taught them something - DC managed to complete the 27 online assessments in 13 hrs everything from toxic chemicals and heavy lifting to safeguarding and prevent.

Now has to fill in all the forms for a DBS which requires references from every volunteering and paid position they have had during the last five years. They cross check with CV and LinkedIn. A nightmare as they've had loads of short term positions over the last four years since leaving school. I can see why DBS do it but its a complete faff for the young who've done lots over all their uni vacations. DC hates imposing on all those they worked or volunteered with.

First day of the new job for DD4 tomorrow, finally. And a couple of hours ago she sent a video of a large crack which has appeared in the bathroom ceiling of the flat she's sharing with a friend, from which very heavy steady drips of water are falling. Drips are fast and increasing according to the latest bulletin. No response from the flat above them. Not ideal. I've said that apart from trying to contact the landlord (email address only) she might need to get hold of the police to do a welfare check in case there's been some kind of medical incident with the resident in the upstairs flat. I'm not sure what advice to give beyond that - if the landlord fails to respond to an email. He may not be checking emails regularly. Nothing so far. I haven't said this to DD4, but if the water continues at this rate I think the ceiling may collapse.

This happened in one of her rooms in college, and college simply allocated another room and fixed the leak. Life was simple.

How worrying for your DD4 @ThatllBeTheDay Dealing with private landlords can be a nightmare - good landlords have an out of hours service for leaks etc - has DD seen if there was anything like that in their tenancy pack?

Thanks Juja. DD4 says the landlord has just responded which is good. But to say he can't get anyone until tomorrow morning, which is less good. He was generally helpful though. Meanwhile no hot water at all and a big old noise of very heavy drops into the bathroom. Also - critically - the issue of washing hair before the first day. Unfortunately DD3 who lives two streets away is completely without a bathroom herself at the moment (her flat is currently gutted) or that would be the obvious solution. DD4 is on the Fast Stream online induction day tomorrow so the background to her meetings will have a plumber in the background dangling from the ceiling. I've suggested finding the nearest smartest swimming pool to the flat, which isn't a member one.

Have they got electricity? Kettle for hot water and wash hair over the kitchen sink??