From the GCSE years, to graduation & beyond

[Dearover]

After sharing the Oxford & Cambridge years with so many of you, I think we can safely say we're now parents of adult children (& caring for elderly parents too in some cases). Here's a space to share their adventures without cluttering up the HE thread.

Had DS home for part of this weekend which was lovely. He woke me up at midnight phoning to say he had forgotten his keys, was out locally with an old friend and could I leave the back door open! Had a nice relaxed Saturday, a roast dinner, game of Cluedo and he went on his way. He seems such a strange mix of grown up and teenage at the same time, it's unnerving. I think it's probably just more noticeable because we see less of him and when he's home her reverts to slightly teenage daftness (hence watching Trainspotting and playing Cluedo!) The cat was delighted.

Sounds lovely @HuaShan

DS1 has realised that commuting and lunches are expensive. When he heard I planned to cook his favourite chilli tonight he asked if I'd make extra so he could take it for lunch a couple of days this week. He asked so sweetly that I have not only obliged but have also made a batch of his favourite soup.

For those of you who remember Annabel Karmel is 'Lovely Lentils'.

Not wishing to leave DH out I've made him his favourite bean chilli. i am a domestic goddess!

I had the Annabel Karmel books. She was responsible for a lot of orange and green stains on things which never washed out.

DD has switched allegiance to her new tennis team playing BUCs against Durham and Newcastle so far. Both train alongside each other in Sunderland, so she's been seeing the sights on new train routes.

Annabel Karmel was a complete go to for us, I loved it and made loads from her books. I do though remember once being in tears after making home made organic chicken nuggets and stroppy 18 month old DC1 refused to eat them. They tasted so good but I felt a complete failure as DC exerted his control demanding cucumber with Coleman's mustard and pork pies.

Today he eats everything, is 6'5" and is also a great cook.

Tomorrow he starts his new job, challenging but worthwhile and just what he was looking for. All his work & volunteering experience in his year out and in his vacations has paid off...

Life is full of phases.... each with their own joys and challenges...

Hope it all goes well for him @Juja

How is your ds getting on @Juja ? DS now safely through his probationary period. I'm struggling a bit trying to renegotiate what feels like a new relationship! Do I call/text too much? How often is too often to see each other? Do I buy toilet cleaner as he clearly hasn't cleaned the toilet in his flat for some time? (No, I resisted, was proud of myself!) He struggled quite a bit in 1st and 2nd year at university and needed quite a lot of contact, then we developed a nice rhythm but it's all changing again with 12 hour working days and less headspace. He was a very easy child/teenager and I'm finding it all quite hard.

Well done to your DS, @HuaShan on getting through his probationary period. When my DCs get to that equivalent stage, I might also find it hard in some ways not to want to continue helping out with their domestic life. However, that time can't come soon enough, given the extra tasks currently generated for me, having both back living at home for now.

I'm also interested to know how things are going for your DS @Juja. It must be over a month now in his job.

Currently, my DS1 and DS2 are working flat out for their law SQE1 exams as well as doing another round of TC/ Vac Scheme applications. They'll then need to get paralegal jobs next autumn whilst continuing to try to get TCs. I still don't understand how anyone manages these days to secure a TC in a London city law firm, given the low odds.

I think they're both now looking at trying to get paralegal jobs in the city that would give them Qualifying Work Experience to allow them eventually to apply for newly qualified solicitor jobs. But it's not easy to know which paralegal jobs would be counted as QWE. Anyway, they've got another year to go of SQE1 and then SQE2 course and exams.

Hope everyone else's DCs are doing well.

@HuaShan Thanks for asking and well done to your son for passing his probation @Dearover thanks for your good wishes...

A month has now passed and DS is settling into his new job. It is a steep learning curve with a huge work load. We visited him a couple of weeks ago in his shared house. Somewhat messy bedroom but shared kitchen and living room quite tidy - we didn't try the bathroom!! Apparently the landlord provides a cleaner every fortnight for the shared areas. What was reassuring is he just seemed so much more at ease in his own skin and said so himself.

I agree it is really hard to know how much is too much in terms of contact. My DS also was an easy child and teenager then adolescence seemed to hit at Uni. I find it's a bit of trial and error as to how much contact and it is variable.

The world of work is though very different. Over Christmas he's on the duty rota so only home late Christmas Eve and back at work on the 27th.

@mutterphore just seen your post - I was drafting on my phone while on a train then got distracted - thanks for asking - all well as you can see above.

Well done to your DS1 and DS2 keeping on with their SQ exams - it's a long haul. It may be their path into the law like, so many before them, will be a little more circuitous but that doesn't mean the end point will not be any more fulfilling. Their tenacity will show through.

Nice to hear from you @mutterphore and glad things are going well @Juja .

DD1 has completed another half marathon, beating her PB and running it with a lady I first met when I was 16 and we played in the same orchestra. Her DD is now working in C and she and my DD have become running buddies which is lovely given that their parents (us!) were all friends when we played in orchestras in Manchester. DD2 is doing proper shifts now and really enjoying her job. She works 4 days in a row of a 10 hour shift. This week she is on noon til 10pm from today til Saturday. DH is working there today as his company has a branch down the road from DD2's work so they met up last night as he was delivering more of her stuff. I'm looking forward to catching up with her after Christmas.

Sorry I haven't updated in so long. DS seems to have settled into the start of his PhD course, he has managed to collect some data to analyse which he is pleased about. He is off to a postgraduate dinner this evening at his college.

Don't worry @Ironoaks. I've been so busy juggling a frail mum who seems to have increased the frequency of crisis points, 3 months of a very poorly DH with no immediate likelihood of returning to work and DD back in her usual pattern of leaving every piece of coursework to the final few minutes of a deadline, that I've hardly had chance to breathe myself.

DD is now 1/3 of the way through her masters. I've already had to book my 2026 holidays at work, so I've optimistically booked time off for her graduation next January.

I did have a lovely day out at the National Theatre last week watching Ballet Shoes, one of my favourite children's books. If anyone gets the chance to see it, do grab it.

@Dearover I just love Ballet Shoes - will try and be in London while its on...

3 of the 4 lead roles had to be played by understudies, but it was magical. I imagine it will hit NH at Home eventually

I deleted my Mumsnet account as I was getting all sorts of weird virus warnings popping up - hopefully resolved and I'm back with a new username - not a million miles from the old one!
Looking forward to DS coming home for a visit this weekend - he's working very hard and seems to enjoy the work but not getting much of a social life. Still, he's coming away for a weeks walking holiday with us in late Spring and that makes me very happy!
I have also seen Ballet Shoes - it was an absolutely magical performance, wonderful sets and so exuberant. Highly recommend!

@Malbecfan huge congratulations to your DD on her success and to your DF on his birthday