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Parents of adult children

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Is your daughter also your friend?

81 replies

user12343333333334 · 20/07/2024 09:08

I have recently escaped an extremely abusive marriage. So my thoughts and beliefs can be skewed sometimes, as a result of my ex's behaviour. I am recovering but slowly.
My DDs (18 and 20) are wonderful. I love spending time with them and we do some things together. They also have their own friends and I don't impose on them.
I mentioned to my ex that I would be going on a weekend away with them, to a city break destination but also to visit my friend who lives there. I received the following message from him. "I would rather the girls went away in their own. You are their mother not their friend".
I am now questioning myself.
Is it normal to be a friend and a mother to your children adult children?
My mum was 20 when I was born and we were super close. She was my best friend. So I question whether my ex is right and my relationship with my mum was unusual, or because she was so young.

OP posts:
EggFriedRiceAndChips · 25/07/2024 22:03

lol ignore the jealous prick. It’s completely fine and normal. He doesn’t get a vote .

TealRaven · 01/10/2024 17:29

You should be best friends with your children

Baital · 01/10/2024 17:32

DD is my daughter, not my friend, and I think there is an important boundary. But we love spending time together, and going on holiday together.

There are certain things I wouldn't burden her with, that's all.

Having said that, my mother is now in her 80s and we share.more about our worries and concerns with each other. Maybe when I am older and DD middle aged the boundaries will have shifted again.

So spend every lovely minute on shared experiences!

RichieRich64 · 02/10/2024 22:01

Dad's perspective here. Of course you can be friends with DD, if they let you. I've been on a skiing holiday with adult DD1 (21 then) and it was fab. We get on great and she's very open with me, a bit too much sometimes but I can cope! We had a close relationship from way back and I was involved equally with parenting with DW. So, yes, I would say, entirely possible.

AuntieMarys · 02/10/2024 22:18

I don't go away with my adult dd for various reasons. We get on well but we aren't friends.

tripletwo · 09/10/2024 23:08

Dd is not my friend, we get on but she’s moody so I wouldn’t go on holiday with her - her moods are hard work.

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