Are two children worth the grief and worry?

[Kiki1703]

Those who have got to adulthood within multiples… any regrets ?

If you could do it all again - would you? Or would you have had less children or none and enjoyed more years of independent adult life?

do they give you more joy than grief or is that just a myth ?

Yes, but why do you worry? It is because you love. There is nothing wrong with loving someone so much that you worry something will happen to them, and they will be harmed in some way, as long as it doesn't turn into something suffocating or destructive . As the saying goes, the price of love is grief. One child will cause you grief and worry too, so the best thing to do is not to have one child but to have no children. But then you may still worry about partners or parents or siblings. You are assuming 'worry' is all bad. It's just a natural consequence of love.

Three adult children and very little “grief and worry” now or ever.

They are everything to us and in our 50’s dh and I are so enjoying life. Wonderful to have all the freedom we want as well as the joys of family.

I regret the circumstances I landed myself having my older children in but no definitely don’t regret having more than one. It’s been amazing seeing the different personalities grow up and the bonds between them. I think it’s made me more relaxed as I want them all to be happy of course but I’m perhaps don’t feel so invested in how they live their lives, one says they don’t want children and it doesn’t bother me in the same way as probably would if only had one child, they’ve not all gone to uni, one lives far away, some are closer to each other than others, some are great at some things and ‘struggle’ more with other things. Having grown up and younger children I see that lots of things I worried about with my older children changed/improved over time anyway. There is such variety between them and they keep me so busy I’m never pining for them to be or do anything in particular and also easier on myself as to why they are as they are than when just had one child. Yes is hard work, of course 😅 and have made compromises in other areas of my life to manage that extra commitment but lots of joys too.

I don't worry about my adult children. I suppose I would if there were reason to, but there isn't.

My older kids (28, 24, 18, 17 & 14) are very close. They have a group chat, they play computer games in a big group online with various boyfriends and friends.

They usually bring friends to stay over Christmas and we have the best time.

The way they relate to each other as adults is beautiful, as they all support each other.

Why do you think you clearly worry more if you have more loved ones?

The only way to avoid worry is to avoid any kind of relationship - and I honestly think that if worry consumes a person like that, then I'd be gently suggesting counselling.

Well I have 4DC- 17,20,23 and 25.
No regrets at all but the saying you are only as happy as your least happiest child is very true!
We've been through some significant tribulations with mental health issues mainly impacting DC1 and DC4.
So even if We'd stopped at one we would still have had a very difficult teen years.
Although I guess it would have been behind us by now!
So yes multiple DC do " pass the baton" when it comes to troubles and worries. But they are also amazing support for each other and very close- having siblings is really positive for them- they have a ready made support network.
Financial resources are spread thinner- only children usually get a lots of financial help like house deposits etc If we didn't have DC then we could have paid off our mortgage and afford to retire early but the love and joy having multiple DC really does outweigh any of that for me so no regrets

What a strange way to look at parenthood! I have 4 adult children, and now 2 grandchildren, and I don’t regret any of them. Yes I worry about them at times, but that would never outweigh the joy of having them. Do you avoid all close relationships?

I love my children dearly and will always worry about them, but I do have some peace and immense love and pride.
Unrelated a bit to this thread but I was feeling V low recently with difficult things going on with my husband and health and I worry about children as they will likely lose him much younger than others. It made me reflect on why I had children. Why did I bring them into this world which can be so painful and difficult, any pain they have will ultimately be my fault as I chose to have them. I had children because I wanted to be a mum, didn't think beyond that. It made me feel was that selfish of me as that was my reasoning. If they have a happy decent life (within reason) no life is perfect, but if they can cope with grief and come out the other side then that is good but what if they can't move through pain they experience I have caused that pain by ultimately choosing to have them as I wanted to be a mother. Does that make sense?

Yea totally. I feel immense to pressure for my children to have a life worth living but there’s so much out of hands that can happen to them, yet we choose to bring them in the world… it’s crazy really isn’t it ?

Yes exactly that and I feel we don't think about it enough, our main reason for many is quite selfish, I want to be a mum full stop...

Also to add, sometimes I want to say to my childfree friend (not by choice) that at least she will have peace in her life (when it comes to not worrying about children) as I feel that is true and may possibly help her come to terms with it but i never would incase it would he hurtful to her.

Quite.

I know which life I'd rather live.

If you lived your life with that attitude you’d never do anything. Very strange outlook.
You have to take risks to get any reward. Yes you worry about your children but that’s the price you pay for the amazing ness of having them in your life.

It would be like never having a relationship in case it breaks up. Living a bleak “safe” life
would be worse surely.