Anyone else slightly sad that the empty nest looks very distant?

[CharlotteRumpling]

I hope I don't get slaughtered for this, but thanks to climbing London rents and stagnant wages, it looks likely that one or the other of my adult children will be living with me for the foreseeable future. I guess many of us have the same issue, and I feel a bit bad moaning about it when I read that others have terrible empty nest syndrome.

DS is in a London uni and was living in a shared house nearby, so I didn't miss him as much, but he will be moving back in next year, as rents are climbing by the day, and landlords rapacious. We are in quite a small London house, and sometimes I just want my own space in menopause! Especially as I WFH ( no choice) DH WFH most days ( he does have a choice but prefers it).

DD may move back in too if she doesn't get a graduate job that pays enough.

I won't mind, I love having ds around but I'm a single mum, so my 'empty nest' would be very empty.

Have either of your dcs considered not living in London. There are other, less expensive cities !

It’s not only London, I’m up north and one of mine has come back after Uni, the other is in shared rented as can’t afford to buy.

I guess the worry is that they will also end up with WFH jobs so all of you will be there all the time. I'd be looking for a non-WFH job if I were you.

I hear you!

We've had one term of am empty nest, but DS graduates in the summer (well finishes in may), and has said that he will be looking for work in London. We're on the S London border. He won't be able to rent straight away so we'll be back having him home. DD is only in her first year at uni, so has a bit longer to go.

Our work situation is the same as yours too - I have hinted quite heavily to DH that it would be nice if he was in the office for a day or two each week, but no luck yet. I too crave some space.

I'm the opposite. dreading that mine might not come back after uni. I keep planting seeds about coming back home when they graduate so they can save for deposits. I don't ever want an empty nest. I live in a cheap part of the country though so it isn't a full house out of necessity.

One of mine has gone for good, but is close by. One has gone for good apart from holiday breaks (hopefully gone for good, because it’s what he wants) & the other is very comfortable at home. 😁But we have had another youngish person of a similar age (bit older than the kids) move in so still have a house full.

I love it. They’re independent. Gives the place energy & a bit of chaos. I like having youngsters around.

But we do have a large house. Would have been impossible in either of the houses we lived in in London.

I don't mind it. I would rather they live at home than pay a money grabbing landlord to live in a horrible or shared house,

I just think you have to have some rules and boundaries in place and perhaps somewhere outside the home you can go to relax and get away.

We bought a new house in London 8 years ago in our early 40s. Much bigger with a separate floor for the kids. We will have a large mortgage until we're 62.
Why?

I looked at house prices and rents and just figured that the kids would want somewhere to live after school or university. We obviously didn't account for Covid and the move to WFH but when that happened we also had the space for an office each as well. I'd love to retire and not be facing another 10 working years but it was the best decision we could have made. It's not feasible for kids to save for deposits etc whilst paying extortionate rents. We will eventually downsize but not for a long time!

I hear you. I love DDs dearly but actually can't wait until the time when there is more space in the house and they are independent, and it's just me and DH.

OMG I hear you!!

2 down one to go. I'm literally counting the months when the last one goes to uni!

How old are they? And next year is almost 12 months away, so anything could happen.

i have two adult DC still at home, 22 and 21. The 22 year is in the last year of Uni, can’t afford to move out before graduation, so that’s fine.
The 21 year old is a different story. Has a life threatening illness so happy for them to be here as long as necessary. We have a small house, but they are not trouble really. I’m almost 54, not menopausal yet, we all get along great.

It’s hard. I have THREEEEE of the great lumps at home. 21-24.
They are all fabulous but there’s not enough space. One has his girlfriend over all the time too.

Outer London. Moving out would cost them £1000 a month and they’re all at the studying/starter job/ travelling stage. I would rather they had the lower cost and security of a room at home for a few more years.

Ive told them I’m factoring them in until youngest is 27 then I am retiring and moving. I’ll then be able to give them a lump sum and they can choose to follow me to wherever or use it to get their own place.

For me it’s the coats and shoes and clothes. EVERYWHERE. The 20 mugs a day. Two of them WFH. Sigh.

I have 2 adult sons at home 18 and 20, plus 2 younger.

I can't see them moving out soon, it's just unaffordable :(

I never want mine to leave. And when he does, I might ask if I can go with him 🤣

I don't want mine to go either.

But I do worry about how they're ever going to afford to live independently.

Builders who have sense should be realizing how housing needs are changing, and building properties for multi generational living.

I can't see house prices or rents falling much, and young people are going to find it harder to have their own place.

There's an American TV programme called Buying and Selling, which shows that a lot of American properties are built with huge basements, all with kitchen, bathroom, living area and bedrooms. Wouldn't that be an idea for the UK?.

It's not just the affordability to live independently. How do they become full independent adults while still living in their childhood home? Dreadful times.

What degree did he do out of interest?

What’s the job market / pay like

I'm already assuming this will happen with my toddler so have a house that we will be comfortable in when they are an adult. I'm not bothered by that aspect, moreso that they will miss out on the opportunities and learnings that come with living away from home in their early 20s

I also agree that we will have no option but to have divided houses in the future with granny flats and separate entrances and then some shared space also, I think it makes a lot of sense ad pepe should be factoring in the possibility of extending for future generations when choosing properties.

I lived at home until I was 27. Paid my share of the bills, did my share of the housework, lived basically like my mum's housemate. We got on, everything was shared, it was fine. It's only difficult if you continue to treat your child as a child.

Not feeling the pressure yet to "evict" ds(19) as he is a considerate lodger, we treat him pretty much as an adult and let him so his own thing, and he is good company on the rare occasions we see him. He is commuting to uni, 5 year course so will be 23/24ish by the time he finishes and hopefully finds a graduate job.

It is likely he will need to move away from local area for a job so I have an end point in sight and I am comfortable with him being here until then. If he wants to move out earlier we will discuss finances.

I would encourage your dc to not limit their options and look with an open mind at other areas in the UK if london is going to be initially unaffordable for them. They could potentially move back once established in their careers.

ManchesterLu DD2 had to stay home for longer than you, living in London with an ill paying career, until the pandemic when she ended up having to sit it out with her boyfriend in another town WFH.
Like you under the family roof, a 2 bed flat, she also did her own laundry, shopped and cooked for herself as well as paying a nominal rent. I doubt whether today's mums of adult children would expect anything less.

I can understand how you feel... our kids are still at secondary but my assumption is they will have to live with us for some time if they want to remain in London. When we can afford it we're probably going to have a loft extension as although we have plenty of room we have to assume adult kids will be living here and we want to allow them more space and privacy. I don't see either of our kids being the type up go for big money jobs, so unless they leave London I'll expect them here for a while.

That said, I am in agreement with DH that, sadly, we should advise them to leave the UK once they finish their education as the whole country is such a raging bin fire, and an expensive one at that.

I'd have mine move back in tomorrow with all four Grandsons.. l see them at least twice a week.. but gosh to have them here would be amazing.. ( l live alone with a cat) I'm not lonely.. l love my own company and see family and friends.. but my daughters and Grandsons are my world.
I cried when my youngest went to India to do voluntary work. I cried when my eldest got her first home.
I suppose if l wasn't on my own might have been different..