Anyone else slightly sad that the empty nest looks very distant?

[CharlotteRumpling]

I hope I don't get slaughtered for this, but thanks to climbing London rents and stagnant wages, it looks likely that one or the other of my adult children will be living with me for the foreseeable future. I guess many of us have the same issue, and I feel a bit bad moaning about it when I read that others have terrible empty nest syndrome.

DS is in a London uni and was living in a shared house nearby, so I didn't miss him as much, but he will be moving back in next year, as rents are climbing by the day, and landlords rapacious. We are in quite a small London house, and sometimes I just want my own space in menopause! Especially as I WFH ( no choice) DH WFH most days ( he does have a choice but prefers it).

DD may move back in too if she doesn't get a graduate job that pays enough.

Yep!
Teen dc - one at a local Uni
It's fine. This is their home, but...
I do sometimes dream of downsizing somewhere lovely 😕

I'm about to downsize to a two bed in my fifties and single, for financial reasons and also so my elder two can't move back home.
One in the forces and one who lives with a partner who has just bought a shared ownership. It's a bit rocky though. 22 and 24.
Yes they can come and stay for a week on the sofa but I think I'd have a nervous breakdown if they moved in permanently. It was so hard when they were here. I do have a good relationship with both but I want them to fly from the nest and be independent.

Still have a teen here and they are no bother,but I doubt he will go to university ( won't get a 4 in maths but that's ok) . It will be college straight into work where I will give same advice as I gave the others, save half of what you earn. Be a saver. Save for driving lessons,towards a car and then a home. Pay me maybe 150 a month.
We are in the Midlands where a house share is around 700 a month including bill's,it's a huge amount.

This is interesting. We only have one Ds atm, who’s young. It’s a large factor of sticking to one child tbh, as I can’t see him being able to afford easily to move out locally, and we one we would have the space to comfortably live together as adults.

I am looking forward to having an empty best to be honest.
We all get on well, but l have parented alone past 10 years and ready for my own life now.

I understand. DD1 graduated in 2021 , was home 3 months and got a graduate job in London and rented with uni friends doing the same. Rent is ridiculous but between the 4 of them they earn well enough. DD2 didn’t go to uni and is working full time but not wfh thankfully. She spends lots of her time at BF’s house so we get lots of time on our own. A friend had 3 wfh earning well so she put their board right up and they moved on.😂 We get on so much better with DD1 now she has moved out. I was the same with my DM.

I am not planning to take any money from them either! Probably making a rod for my own back...

@CharlotteRumpling DH has been moaning about going back to the office, but he has agreed to go in at least 3 times a week when spring comes. Going to insist on that too

Ooh what's your superpower? Very difficult to motivate someone who loves wfh

Mine moved out this year after realising the cost of rent is planning to come back! It’s very common where we are in London as rents are extortionate. I do like my space though - and it’s all the cups left out that drive me crazy! Nice to have her here in other ways though …

I might think differently in a few years but my 17yo is still at home, he has an apprenticeship. I don't want him to leave ever!

DH & I love our DS’ being at home, 22 & 20, they are really great company. We will be sad when they leave home. But it’s a natural progression, so we will be positive about them moving out when they are ready.

I understand. The 25yo doesn't ever want to leave, and I really want him to want that independence for himself, iyswim. I couldn't wait to get out on my own!

The 22yo has made a life in another city, and although I do miss him very uch, I am delighted that he's made a happy, fulfilling life for himslef indepent of us. THe 18yo can't wait to go to uni in September.

Oh, dreading our two ever leaving…we do live in a big house though.
They’re fab company, and love having their friends about. I feel it’s my reward for them being awful toddlers!

Big house would make a big difference!

My parents are in their 80s and my brother will have to move in with them if/ when he is discharged from hospital. He is 57 and they've been empty nesters for over 30 years. They are used to their own space and were very happy when we both left home.

What type of hospital is he in? He should be able to be discharged into his own home plus care team (that’s what happened with my eldest).

I'm completely with you on this.
Ds still lives with us and never went to uni. Dd graduated last year and is back living with us. Both are saving like mad to get together a deposit, as they are keen to buy and not rent, which I agree with.
We live in a small 3 bed semi, and our house is fit to burst with so much stuff.
I love them dearly and would definitely miss them, but do dream of the day it will just be dp and me and we get the house back in some sort of order with much less stuff in it.
When they go I'll be packing up every single thing that's theirs and make sure they take it all with them.

Same for us @keylemon, we plan to downsize in the next 10 years (probably 5-8) so we probably won’t be able to house our two after that. I think we’ll try to help them out financially instead.

I disagree with the description of 'rapacious' - would you say the same about your neighbours if they sold their house for the best price they could get?
But I can see how you feel. If my son moved back in it would be difficult- he has a very different nature to me and is used to his own space, is one of those people who can't sit still for a minute. My daughter could live with me forever though as we are much more similar, she is very self contained and does not demand much.

I am an Asian and I left my home at 23 after completing my University and post graduation course, but my parents made us sisters to stay together, older sister is more than 10 years older than me but she wasn't married and earning very little so me and my other sister had to pay rent and other household expenses on her behalf. My husband left home at 18. We have one daughter who is very young now but we do expect for her to leave home after she is 20, we don't mind paying deposit amount for a flat if we can afford at that time. We do have a flat for us 1.5 hours away from London as we can't afford anything more as of now. I believe independence is important at an early age. I have seen my older sister who was dependent on us for a long time until her marriage, in many ways she is still dependent on her husband.

morriszapp I feel exactly the same. I'm ignoring the fact that one day DD will leave...although this thread is giving me hope that she may actually stay longer than I thought!

No superpower at all! But it's a short commute, so really, he has no reason not to go in, except that he likes to work in pyjamas.

Id like my kids to stay either here or next door forever. I want that for myself. For them, i want them to be brave and adventurous and young and explore the world. And not be scared to leave me incase im sad or lonely or missing them. This is their time and you are only young and carefree for a few years. I want them to flatshare/travel/ make mistakes/do daft stuff I'll never know about.
Cos i did all that and im so glad no one stopped me.

The adult children should look for non wfh jobs, not the OP!

They should look into houseshares too, it's fun when you're young. Who buys a house straight from uni? Expectations are too high.

He's in a general hospital but the corridors in his house are not wide enough for a wheelchair and he has no downstairs toilet or bathroom. We're hoping he regains some quality of life but he has cancer - and he's too ill for them to treat it atm.

I’m sorry @Manthide that sounds incredibly difficult 😞