27 year old daughter

[justgettingthroughlife]

My daughter works 30/36 hours a week in a shop . Every single night she comes home and falls fast asleep from around 630-10 . She does nothing in the house no dog walking no ironing no washing . She cooks her tea but only when she's woken up .
I am now at the stage where I am finding jobs for her to do to keep her awake as it's proper getting me and DH down .
How can I resolve this issue I've tried to get her to join the gym with me to give her something to do but she's got zero interest . She's not gonna be able to get a house of her own as she has an pt contract .
She has no reliable friends to go out with and no boyfriend . I can't help but worry myself sick about her and where her life is going .
My mum sides with her saying oh she's up early in the morning that's why she is tired and she is standing on her feet all day .
Why do I feel so guilty asking her to do stuff in the house 🤷🏽‍♀️.
Myself and hubby are at our wits end with it all ... advice please

Has she been to the gp recently and had any blood tests anaemia or her thyroid function?

This.

Yes she's had bloods done recently all fine

She sounds depressed.

She does take anti ds but only a very low dose . She's reduced over the year due to the possibility they are causing the tiredness but it's no different .

I was the same at her age and single. Just wanted to sleep, numb out the day.

She's probably miserable living at home with parents aged 27. Probably depression keeps people in bed.

I'm not sure you should be finding her jobs to do to keep her awake m. Why do you need her to be awake . I'd be so pissed off is some did that.

Stop infantilising. Stop doing her washing cooking and ironing. She shouldn't do yours either. You need to give her a list of responsibilities and then she needs to plan how she does them.

So walk the dog Monday Wednesday and Friday. Own laundry. Cooking and clearing up. Keep stuff in room, keep room tidy. Hoover upstairs Tuesday/thursday. Contribute to keeping the kitchen clean and bathroom clean

Cut the apron strings. Sorry she can't leave home right now but she needs a little independence in your home. Let her have it. Help her plan to leave home. Help her save for deposit. Majority of people don't go the gym- don't make her!

This sounds really hard for you all. Is she saving for a deposit? Maybe if she felt she was moving closer to the goal of moving out it might help her feel more motivated and energised

I think all you can do is concentrate on making your life as good as it can be and keep yourself cheerful, and just let it be as it is. She is at safe at home, not in any debt, not in a bad relationship, not taking drugs, not hostile to you it sounds like - it could all be a lot worse

In the current climate many many kids stay at home well into their thirties, it just isn't how it used to be, are there any things you do like about her being around?

She sounds bored and unhappy. Hard thing for anyone else to fix.

does she enjoy her job? Could she think about an open university course or a career change? Meeting different people and changing her routine might help.

but only she can make that change. In the meantime she is living with two other adults and she needs to pull her weigh. Does she contribute to household costs?

I'm not MAKING her do anything .. I'm trying to motivate her in life instead of her sleeping it away . I hate asking her to do stuff to stay awake but I can't just sit back and watch her life drift on by .
What changed your life ?

No she's got no wish to save for a house

She's probably depressed. Doesn't sound like she has much in her life.

I tell myself this so often but I worry constantly for her. She has no true friends only fair weather friends but then she doesn't make any effort with them either . People won't hang around if you show no interest in them will they

Does she actually like her job? Even though her life isn’t one you’d choose for her maybe she’s happy? If you want her to move out you’ll have to tell her.

I love her to bits she's my best friend we do loads together but I feel like I'm her crutch and because she has me she doesn't need anyone else so has no reason to try .
As a mum I just can't stop worrying about her

She liked her job yes she's bored I agree hence me suggesting the gym or swimming a couple of nights a week to get out and meet new people .
Is that wrong ?? I'm no gym buff by any stretch of the imagination but I do try

Is it not possible for her to live in a houseshare? Understandably she might not be able to afford her own place but she could still look at renting a small 1 bed flat or a room in a shared house.

Some people enjoy sleeping. It doesn't necessarily mean you are depressed. Beds are warm, soft, safe, comforting, and often people have very vivid dreams that are like having free entertainment.

She doesn't only sleep and work and an occasional night out but how can I change this ??? I can't and that's so upsetting as a parent

But perhaps her idea of hell is the gym or swimming etc? It’s mine anyway. If she eventually wants to meet a partner she’ll find a way to make it happen if that’s what you’re concerned about. She might be happy just working and sleeping, etc.

I was like your daughter when I was in my twenties. My idea of bliss was to sleep. I was also depressed but taking pills did not help. I was better when I found a job that I liked, prior to that I was coasting and underachieving.

All I can say is this will not last, she will eventually come out of it but at the moment she needs her sleep.

Sometimes she seems happy other times not ... I'm certainly in no rush to get better moved out I just want her to be happy and enjoy her life

Even just going for an evening walk would be good. Personally, I think you’re justified in being concerned. At 27, I was working full-time in a high pressure job and still had energy to exercise and socialize. Has she had counselling for her depression?

I was like this at 27 - I was bored, lonely and unhappy. I lived in my own home, worked full time but would still sleep to shut out the day. Looking back I was possibly depressed. Gradually things improved. I changed jobs and made a friend who was in a similar position to me - single and a bit more purposeful and outgoing - we would meet up to see a film, go for a drink - I had more purpose, weekends weren't as long and I slowly moved forward. I have to say that I felt really really unhappy when I was lonely and really didn't like visiting and spending time with my parents. I felt as though I should be at a different stage in my life. They would ask me what I was doing, seeing..all the usual things and it made me feel worse. Think she might be sleeping to shut you out too. Give her space to work things out herself.

Christmas is coming up. Can you book her golf lessons, tennis lessons, pottery course etc?