Thread 48- Covid GCSE Cohort - Summer before Year 2 Uni

[Oblomov23]

Summer ending. Year 2 for many at Uni about to start.

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
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That all sounds really difficult @icanbewhatiwant for your dh & yourself. I used to work for a company selling something similar ( though an implant) & the side effects were awful.
I think we all become more worried about things, due to age, experience & just being female. I'm not sure men do to the same extent. Or possibly they're just more pragmatic & just hide it well.
I've certainly found myself having a much thinner skin about things. The news is really upsetting me at the moment.

That sounds stressful about dh @icanbewhatiwant but maybe he’ll respond differently to the injections, you never know? Why are you worried about ds taking his car?

@Cantonet its funny how different they are, isn’t it? Ds is hyperactive, always on the go and very sociable but he doesn’t pick up friends from short events like camps and he can’t be bothered with long distance friendships! He prefers to spend all his time with his smaller circle of close friends. Have your DD’s nose bleeds been sorted out?

Good news about your ds @Cantonet . hope he’s able to go back to uni in February.

@crazycrofter It doesn't take much to worry me. The motorway driving concerns me. His car is dangerously slow. Ds isn't all that confident at driving on the motorway. Driving in Brighton will probably do him good though, he never knows where his going, even round here and has to keep looking at his tiny phone screen while driving. So I'm glad I won't be sitting beside him 🤣

I am a worrier too icanbe

These days I try to just let myself worry about something because I know if it wasn't that I'd be worrying about something else. You do have such a lot on your plate though. I hope DH doesn't suffer too much with the side effects and can be on the injections long term without too much aggravation.

I understand the worrying @icanbewhatiwant . Dd driving worried me at first, as she's not a very good driver! And all her trips were long distance, visiting friends in Liverpool, Bristol, Cambridge, Birmingham etc etc. But at least it's been good practice for her. Her car isn't powerful either, just a 1 litre, but they go fast enough. Hopefully once he's taken it and he's been there a while, you'll stop worrying about that. I've definitely stopped tracking dd's journeys now!

@singingstones I wish I didn't worry. Dh always says I'll be worried that I'll have nothing to worry about. My brain won't shut up sometimes. It is annoying. Ds did say he was awake early this morning worrying about Ds driving that car on the motorway. So it's not just me. Dh is the one who bought such a slow car, our mechanic said it shouldn't be as slow as it is. It was ideal for both ds's learning though. I just phoned the insurance company. Ds's insurance runs out in 4 weeks, they want £82 to add his Brighton address to the account for the next 4 weeks. Need to get brake down cover sorted too.

@crazycrofter he'd never let me track him, so not knowing when he's driving or where to will help as I'll have no idea. Whereas when I know he's out in his car I'll worry a bit more.

@icanbewhatiwant can your Ds not get the phone to speak to him rather than looking at the screen? That sounds like a recipe for disaster. Google maps have a voice that talks to you 😀

@Cantonet yes i know it talks. But I find you do need to look as well, especially at roundabouts, or is that just me? Well....I say that, I can't look anymore as I can't see the screen without glasses 🤣 but I have heads up display (I don't need glasses to drive just to read)

😂🤣

I think it’s very natural to worry. It’s not helped by the hormonal changes we are all experiencing, and that global landscape is so damn depressing. And our family health, such a juggling act. I’m trying to keep calm about DD’s appt next week and what the implications are for her, longer term. I really hope your DH’s side effects are manageable ican.

As parents, we will always worry, whatever age DC are. My mother continuously uses the line with me that starts with ‘but you don’t understand, being a grandparent…’. She projected her worry so much when I was growing up about everything, and now still thinks her worries trumps mine. Needless to say, I’ve never skii’d, don’t enjoy rides or anything adrenaline related etc. But, I’ve tried my best to mask much of how I feel so I don’t continue the cycle of projection. I have not succeeded 100%, but I do challenge my mother when she complains how I can let DD study, for example, such a high risk course and it’s potential travel/work implications and risks if she were to be in ME territories. I count to 10 lots, and gently remind my mother that she and my dad moved to this country with only £3 each to their name in 1967 (they were not allowed to leave with more). How must have her own mother felt? This normally stops the debate critical lecture on parenting.

I refuse to dictate DD’s path in life, even if it may scare the crap out of me. I live in a neighbourhood where day to day knife crime is rife, so it really is all relative.

@ealingwestmum as for being hormonal, dh injections will cause all menopause symptoms like hot flushes, memory loss, weight gain etc. so he will join me. I am always so hot at night, he is cold so wants window shut, so at least he will want the window open too 🤣 My meno symptoms will pass eventually. His won't while he remains on the injections.

Yes I won't dictate the dc's path either. Much as I'd love to say no you can't do that.

If my kids are anything to go by, it's not really possible to stop them doing anything. Ds has a love of anything dangerous, the more risky the better, so I'm going to have to detach a bit with him. Hope your dd's appointment has a positive outcome @ealingwestmum

Thanks so much Crazy. A dim sum lunch before we go will help I’m sure :)

Talking of dangerous, DS's oven just exploded. Glass everywhere! Thankfully inside the oven.

Blimey! 😮

@ealingwestmum sympathy re worrying mothers, I grew up with a mother who worried and stressed about EVERYTHING and couldn’t not say so (I suspect there’s some autism and ADHD in the mix too). She was hospitalised with some sort of breakdown when I was about 5 or 6. It caused a lot of difficulties as I grew up because I though she was constantly making a fuss about nothing and pulled away from her (we’re OK again now). Longer term it means that I have spent my life not telling her things in case it worried her which has not been great for me in terms of getting any support when I need it (although my dad is brilliant and I do offload to him still sometimes). I am a bit anxiety-prone too but nothing like as bad and I remember saying to the health visitor when DS was born and I was doing the PND check that I was DETERMINED to break the cycle and not fuss about everything in front of my DCs, I do have my moments but on the whole keep a lid on it. DH is very like my dad (very chilled) so I tell him my worries when the DCs aren’t around.

@icanbewhatiwant a male acquaintance of mine had to start the hormone treatment last year, he changed GP and as part of the new patient thing they ran a PSA test which was really high, he had radiotherapy as well. I’m not sure about the more personal side effects (he’s a colleague, I can’t ask) but he has stayed working, seems fit, healthy and cheerful. He’s mid 60s. I hope it doesn’t turn out too bad for your DH but think it is perfectly reasonable for you to worry about how it will affect you too. My DH had a slightly high PSA test in the summer and has to go for another one next month so it’s something I’m worried about too.

That must have been tough to deal with at such a young age ED. I think I’ve always over compensated for my mum being widowed when I was 5; she really wasn’t equipped to deal with big stuff that needed confronting so less was always more here too.

That sounds horrific Piggy, but glad it was internal. We had a self clean oven that did exactly that, apparently no one told the glass door that heating itself up to 400 degrees plus would not end well 😱

@EversoDetermined yes, most diagnosed men go on the hormone therapy alongside other treatment for 2 or 3 years then they stop. But apparently now it's in dh's lymph nodes there is no other treatment. So it's now management rather than cure. I hope your dh's psa is ok. It is worrying but prostate cancer is usually curable and slow growing, dh's original diagnosis was a stage 1 and slow growing. I still don't understand how it turned into an aggressive stage 4. The original diagnosis must've been wrong I guess.

DS arrived home this afternoon. One of his first questions was "have you vacuumed my car out while I was gone?" My reply was "why would I do that?" So he then vacuumed it. He obviously wants to impress the girls in Brighton. Not sure how with an old, brown Corsa 🤣

I remember one of my fellow (male) students had a brown Austin Allegro @icanbewhatiwant , a similar non-girl pleasing effect! I hope I wasn’t insensitive then talking about my colleague, clearly the two situations are not the same. DH’s brother has had it as well, it is so common. We will all be here to lend a listening ear as your DH starts his treatment.

@Piggywaspushed yikes to the oven. I have heard of that happening but it must be very frightening when it does.

@EversoDetermined dh bought the Corsa for ds1 in 2018 it had 4,000 miles on the clock at 5 years old. He couldn't resist the low mileage. Ds1 hated it. He was thrilled when ds2 started learning and dh bought him a fiesta so ds2 could have the Corsa. Now at 10 years old it still only has 18,000 miles on it. We have ds1's fiesta here even though he's been travelling almost a year now. Ds2 would love the fiesta instead and for dh to sell the Corsa. But dh says if one has to go it will be the fiesta. I fear the ugly brown Corsa will still be here when ds3 learns in 3 years. To be fair it has been very reliable. And no you weren't being insensitive, everyone we meet says men live with it for years, dh's gp told him lots of old men live happily on the hormones, dh said but I'm not an old man. He also dropped into the conversation that the hormones turn men into eunuchs 😣

The eunuch comment was a bit blunt. Are there ways of overcoming that, viagra etc, or is there a tendency to loss of interest as well.

@EversoDetermined no...the hormones are basically chemical castration. So no...viagra will have no effect as it needs testosterone to work. I would say dh has always had far too much testosterone. So I'm not sure what life will be like. I'll find out in a few weeks once the injection takes effect. He has the first on Monday.

@Piggywaspushed that sounds scary! Hope everyone is ok