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Original poster

Harassed by elderly neighbours

109 replies

Puppytrashedmysofa · 15/06/2023 07:45

My daughter lives on a mews with mostly elderly neighbours.Right from the start she has been harassed by three of them. Letters through her door about parking in visitors spaces , pathetic comments about what she is doing e.g smoking on her doorstep , being stared at when back from work.Her former direct neighbours about her age had the same ,but left quickly.
I'm at a loss what to do as a father.She is now looking for another rental because of it. One of them harassing is head of the residents committee, another owns two houses in the Mews.
I was helping my daughter last week and even though I pretended to not hear her ,she kept calling me , when I turned she made a pathetic comment about my car.
This is really frustrating because my daughter is a real sticker at things , wanting to move so soon is just not like her.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 15/06/2023 07:47

So is she parking in the wrong place ? Is her smoke wafting into other people’s houses ? I hate the smell of cigarettes/vapes so I can see their point !

Speakingofdinosaurs · 15/06/2023 07:51

If I were you I’d knock on their doors and politely challenge each one of them for trying to bully a young woman, making her upset. Ask them if this is their intention as they’ve already done the same to the other neighbours. Say they’re older & should know better!

Neverinamonthofsundays · 15/06/2023 07:51

Perhaps tell her to only park in her own drive or parking spot and smoke out the back garden. I hate the smell of smoke and think it is fairly rude to smoke out the front of a house.

Original poster
Puppytrashedmysofa · 15/06/2023 07:58

It wasn't made clear at the start about the rules for visitors spaces.She received a very long letter about a week after she moved in through her door complaining about her parking.The lady that commented about the smoking said she was a smoker herself.
There are many other incidents, just can't rember all of them at the moment.
Not that I would but knocking on their doors would probably make it worse but thanks for the suggestion.

OP posts:
Original poster
Puppytrashedmysofa · 15/06/2023 08:01

Neverinamonthofsundays · 15/06/2023 07:51

Perhaps tell her to only park in her own drive or parking spot and smoke out the back garden. I hate the smell of smoke and think it is fairly rude to smoke out the front of a house.

Forgot to mention she has no back garden just a small front porch.

OP posts:
tymberland · 15/06/2023 08:03

Puppytrashedmysofa · 15/06/2023 07:58

It wasn't made clear at the start about the rules for visitors spaces.She received a very long letter about a week after she moved in through her door complaining about her parking.The lady that commented about the smoking said she was a smoker herself.
There are many other incidents, just can't rember all of them at the moment.
Not that I would but knocking on their doors would probably make it worse but thanks for the suggestion.

So, she has been parking in the visitor spaces then. Has she stopped now? I can see why this was irritating them. Maybe things will settle down now?

Original poster
Puppytrashedmysofa · 15/06/2023 08:10

Thank's but I think she's had enough now.The visitor parking was by a friend on one occasion ( I'm not sure which rule was broken before the letter posted through her door.
She really likes the town she lives in ,great for work and my grandaughters school.So she has to go through the complication of moving again.

OP posts:
LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 15/06/2023 08:11

It’s an unfortunate combination of people with too much time on their hands led by someone with That Temperament. Why a long letter and not just a knock on the door and a friendly word of advice? What’s the problem with smoking on the doorstep if it’s not to do with the actual smoke? Brings Down The Neighbourhood?

But surely this is your daughter’s issue to sort, not yours? She needs to either suck it up, fight it out or move out. Why are you involved?

drpet49 · 15/06/2023 08:12

So instead of just speaking to your daughter someone jobsworth wrote a long letter. Pathetic. They are are just a load of bullies.

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 15/06/2023 08:13

"told off by neighbours about not respecting residents' rules" would have been a less ageist and more realistic thread title.

Deathbyfluffy · 15/06/2023 08:13

If you're not sure which rule was broken, it's best to clarify this before accusing the neighbours of being awful - if she's not keeping to the rules on parking I can see how that'd be irritating for everyone else.

I used to live in a block of flats where someone just abandoned their car across two visitor spaces regularly - they always seemed to play the victim when we raised it with the building's management.

Not saying your daughter has done this, but you don't really seem to know what's actually happened and are jumping in her defence without knowing the facts.

ItsNotWhatItsNot · 15/06/2023 08:16

A letter is irrelevant, there are people who believe that going to someone’s door is aggressive and puts them on the spot, others believe a letter is sneaky and pathetic.
Your daughter does not ‘have to’ move, it’s entirely her choice, and her business, nothing to do with you.

Chasingadvice · 15/06/2023 08:19

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 15/06/2023 08:13

"told off by neighbours about not respecting residents' rules" would have been a less ageist and more realistic thread title.

Saying elderly isn't 'ageist'

Surely you can understand that when a person is elderly you may have to deal with them in ways you wouldn't with your peers such as appreciate that they have lived there for a very long time. Ageism would be more of a - "fuck em. They've lived long enough. Nosy old fucks." as opposed to the word 'elderly.' Give over.

Original poster
Puppytrashedmysofa · 15/06/2023 08:26

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 15/06/2023 08:11

It’s an unfortunate combination of people with too much time on their hands led by someone with That Temperament. Why a long letter and not just a knock on the door and a friendly word of advice? What’s the problem with smoking on the doorstep if it’s not to do with the actual smoke? Brings Down The Neighbourhood?

But surely this is your daughter’s issue to sort, not yours? She needs to either suck it up, fight it out or move out. Why are you involved?

Because she's my daughter and I'm frustrated that I can't help her when she messages when she's upset about these incidents. I guess there is nothing we can do ,it just feels like she has been picked on right from the start
She's had no incidents whatsoever in her former rentals so it's difficult for her to handle .

OP posts:
ThatOnePlease · 15/06/2023 08:29

I think it's lovely that you are concerned about your dd, and wondering about solutions.

She should make a log of each incident, so that she can build a picture of what is happening, how often and who is doing it.

What you have described sounds a bit vague. Vistor parking - fine, now sorted as she understands the rules. Smoking is horrible for neighbours, wherever she chooses to live. People will complain.

And... what's the other stuff?

Original poster
Puppytrashedmysofa · 15/06/2023 08:36

ThatOnePlease · 15/06/2023 08:29

I think it's lovely that you are concerned about your dd, and wondering about solutions.

She should make a log of each incident, so that she can build a picture of what is happening, how often and who is doing it.

What you have described sounds a bit vague. Vistor parking - fine, now sorted as she understands the rules. Smoking is horrible for neighbours, wherever she chooses to live. People will complain.

And... what's the other stuff?

One stands and stares at her when she gets back from work and then goes in when she does.Another comments on her small front garden overgrown bushes e.t.c.Once she came back to a large pile of leaves left in front of her car in her allocated car port.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 15/06/2023 08:45

The visitor parking was by a friend on one occasion ( I'm not sure which rule was broken before the letter posted through her door.
So her visitor parked in the visitor spot? What's wrong there? Likely to be they see that as for their visitor only, or an their extra space!

Legally how much power do these 'committees' actually have?!

tymberland · 15/06/2023 08:50

A large pile of leaves in front of her car? I mean, this all sounds fairly minor, mostly normal teething problems. I'm sure they got off on the wrong foot by your DD parking in visitor spaces. I'm not sure why she needs to move out or why it's so distressing for her. Just ignore, surely?

Seeline · 15/06/2023 08:51

People staring, I'd just smile, wave and offer a cheery hello. Perhaps wander over for a chat - lovely to see you out again, nice to get a bit of fresh air etc. They'll soon stop.

Can she do anything with her front garden or is it her LLs responsibility? If so direct the neighbours to him.

Think your DD needs to stand up for herself a bit.

determinedtomakethiswork · 15/06/2023 08:52

I bet if she had a big bloke living with her, then they would not be doing the same thing. I know you say it wouldn't help if you went around to talk to them, but what if you accompanied her to talk to them?

TrishTrix · 15/06/2023 08:56

what’s the set up? I’m the director for a block of flats. We have a residents handbook which clearly outlines all the rules (parking in other people’s spaces and rubbish are major issues).

there is a QR code to access it in the stairwell on a big poster. There is also specific signage in the bin store as it is such an issue.

Every owner especially those who are landlords are regularly asked to ensure the people living/working in their flats know about and follow it.

Virtually every new tenant doesn’t and we have to deal with their cars in our numbered spaces and our rubbish not being collected because the refuse collectors are militant and won’t empty the recycling bin if it is “contaminated” with non recyclables or the household waste bins if bulky items get put in them.

The long term residents (tenants & leaseholders) are sick of it.

I no longer speak to leaseholders about it and don’t communicate directly with tenants as it can all get twisted. I write as then there is a paper trail. And we apply admin charges to cover the cost of writing. The landlords have started to up their game about ensuring tenants understand the rules.

So my suggestion is that she starts being a considerate neighbour!

Catspyjamas17 · 15/06/2023 08:59

A letter through the door reminding her about parking rules is not really harassment, is it?

Hearttraeh · 15/06/2023 09:05

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 15/06/2023 09:07

She has two options (other than moving): kill with kindness or out-crazy them. Either take chocolates round and apologise for getting off on the wrong foot, or challenge the staring neighbour by pulling a face or standing and staring back wearing sunglasses. I've done the out-crazy'ing and it has worked for younger neighbours, but for older people it's better to just be nice to them.

MichelleScarn · 15/06/2023 09:13

Why does the daughter need to apologise? I think if she starts cowing to them they'll constantly be at her.
Re the parking it wasn't the dd in the visitor spot it was her visitor?
And while I don't like smoking , they can't stop her smoking in her own garden.