Harassed by elderly neighbours

[Puppytrashedmysofa]

My daughter lives on a mews with mostly elderly neighbours.Right from the start she has been harassed by three of them. Letters through her door about parking in visitors spaces , pathetic comments about what she is doing e.g smoking on her doorstep , being stared at when back from work.Her former direct neighbours about her age had the same ,but left quickly.
I'm at a loss what to do as a father.She is now looking for another rental because of it. One of them harassing is head of the residents committee, another owns two houses in the Mews.
I was helping my daughter last week and even though I pretended to not hear her ,she kept calling me , when I turned she made a pathetic comment about my car.
This is really frustrating because my daughter is a real sticker at things , wanting to move so soon is just not like her.

Thanks.She did repeat to me again that if only they knew what her job was, helping older people at the end of life with a well known disease that's not curable and results in numerous unpredictable situations that she has tons of experience with now aswell as the children of the residents she is really confident in that respect. She is very caring towards her staff and residents and has been rapidly promoted from junior to manager with many commendations along the way , she is a real daughter to be proud of.
Maybe thinking it would have nipped it all in the bud. but she shouldn't have to do something like this.

I know exactly the kind of people you mean OP. I was dropping DD round for a play date with her friend, the mum is a single mum, and it’s a row of terraces that has a designated car park - should explain not designated spaces for each house, the sign reads “for residents and visitors of xxx place only” I parked up and noticed an elderly couple standing in their front window, staring directly at me, shaking their heads. They stayed there while I got out of the car and headed to my friends house. When she answered the door I pointed to where I parked to check it was ok. She said yes is there someone staring at you? I said yes and she said “don’t worry, they do that to everyone who parks there”.

Too much time on their hands.

I would say to your daughter that this not forever and to kill them with kindness. So any time anyone says anything, complains etc Your daughter can smile and say something non committal like ' oh ok no problem, must dash im running late'. Keep repeating .

Neighbours like this want some kind of reaction or satisfaction. Don't get into long conversations or discussions as it is pointless.

Always remain super polite and ignore and just go about her own life.

Thanks this is a good suggestion it maybe a bit late but it's worth a try. However she does like to chat and her job role requires that she gives time to her older residents.

Yes I suppose being a single Mum could be an issue.She has a lot of friends and two ex boyfriends with vans visiting .The fact none of the houses have back gardens means unfortunately the fronts are where there is activity with very small handkerchief size front gardens and as the lady below mentioned tomatoes no space at the back to grow them ,maybe why they are so pre occupied with my daughter's ins and outs at the front.

I'm in a private unadopted road. I'm outnumbered by retirees and elderly residents. It's miserable. I pay equal share of fleecehold charges. As the younger families leave the more the oldens take over. They gang together. I think as a generation they always have but what's sad is seeing how little they are visited and how little they are involved with their grandchildren, so they take out their bitterness in other ways and being the only person with children at home they focus on me. I am also in the smallest house in the close with no private garden so they love to look down their nose at me. They've asked my passport/nationality in an unpleasant way, told me how much bigger their children's homes are etc. They give each other a lot of discretion to do what they want with the shared communal areas which they're not supposed to do as we all share it but if a young person leaves as much as a football out they'd hear about it. The oldest resident in the road lives in my row of houses, she's put paving stones out on the lawn because it gets muddy and it makes it easier to get to her garage, her predecessors did the same, but they were a young family so they were told to remove them, I saw the chair of the committee come round and speak to them and then stand watching them remove them in front of their children like military police. Another elderly resident gave permission for my retiree neighbour to park infront of her garage (again shared land) so blocking my turning circle into my garage, she had no right to give that permission it wasn't her to give and she never even thought of me, because with the older generations they don't even see the young. There are plenty more examples I could list but it would be endlessly petty. What's sad is now my children avoid old people, certainly don't see them in a positive light. Hearing residents talking about their children living in much bigger houses than ours and clearly looking down their noses at us doesn't do much of intergenerational harmony. My children don't even like going outside now. They used to help rake leaves in autumn for example in the communal areas but now they don't, well done boomers this was your doing because I raised my children to help out and your meaness changed them.

They've got a death wish these old people toxic af
I've had the same no excuses their behaviours outta control Peter pan syndrome they think they own the place nothing better to do with their times. Worse than neighbourhood watchers fucking rotten to the core, they go crying to their older kids to do something about it started like they did I've gotta move too watch people's every move it's mentally sicking.
Mimicking questing people's moves when we leave the front door.
Police gotta start charging them all, horrible your daughter has to move rotten to the core, never ever apologise to the toxic oldies there scummers of the earth. Sorry your daughters going through it.

Honestly, I'd tell her to cut her losses and run. We're in our 60's and have just escaped from neighbours like these with waaay too much time on their hands (and, as it turned out, loads of complex issues- drink problems, family alienation...A nightmare. Give me younger neighbours any day!

I'm afraid your daughter needs to toughen up a bit. She sounds as if she has developed something of a victim mentality (understandable if she was bullied at school) and she's imagining problems and blowing things out of proportion:

• neighbours staring at her
• neighbour pouring water on her car by mistake
• assuming all and any comments are 'hate' against her

She doesn't sound like she has made much effort to integrate and smoking near other houses and parking inconsiderately are bound to cause annoyance.

Are her ex-boyfriends vans blocking access at all? Older people may have mobility problems?

Rather than your ageism, and calling older people 'pathetic' perhaps lead by example and teach your daughter some good habits and how to be considerate of others.

And by the way, my elderly father had Parkinson's disease and had the blank-faced stare that often comes with Parkinson's. A most unpleasant woman came and started shouting at him when he was sitting on a park bench, watching my kids play. She said she was going to call the police as he was "weird" and "staring at her children". (He wasn't).