Son, 23, really does need a brace on his teeth

[Ange324]

I'm looking for advice on how to approach an awkward subject with my son. When his big teeth arrived, they went all over the place. Sticking out at all angles. The NHS removed 2 teeth from the top and he had braces. His teeth were beautiful. He was 14. He needed to wear a retainer, every night..... for life. He didn't. The teeth went back to being crooked, one front tooth crosses significantly in front of the other and protrudes. So, I took him back to NHS dentist and as he was under 16, they placed another brace on, but I had to pay £600 for. He was meant to wear his retainer. He didn't. Sure enough, the teeth went skewiff again and the NHS placed on another brace. Removed at the end and, yep, he didn't wear his retainer. When his teeth were straight, he smiled in photos, had confidence, looked fantastic, was going out, met a girl. So, when he looked good, he was social, smiley and a chick magnet! Since teeth going back wonky and splitting from the girlfriend, he doesn't go out, doesn't smile in photos and, as his ma, I can see his confidence is low. I believe that if he gets another brace fitted, and this time a fixed permanent invisible retainer on the back teeth, he will start to ooze that gorgeousness he otherwise has. Appearance isn't everything, yet I know how he was when he looked good. In a couple of months time, he starts a new job. A very public facing one, newly moving into a house share with people he doesn't know, and he's intending to have a 2 month siesta before starting. He has over 10k in his bank account (he doesn't go out, so he's got the money). His teeth will only get worse as he gets older, he rarely cleans them so he clearly doesn't like them.
A long background, sorry. I do know it's his choice, but we all want the best for our children, no matter their age. When I read that 87% of people find dodgy looking teeth a turn off, I know I have to help him come to the conclusion it's something he could get sorted so easily and that he knows it made a difference. He really is a good looking lad, and then he talks and you see yellow/black very crooked teeth, it isn't the best.
What could I say/do to encourage him to spend no more than 2k, perhaps over 12 months, to get that brace on? The option of not doing or saying anything isn't in my dna.
Many thanks.

I’m surprised the NHS kept re doing his teeth 🤨

I had braces 20 years ago, the advice then was wearing the retainer at night for 6 months and then that’s it.

my teeth are still really good, no wonky teeth etc.

from your posts, you baby him a lot.

putting a toothbrush at the kitchen sink so your 23rd old son will be reminded to brush his teeth??? Is there some SEN here that you haven’t mentioned?

you can’t help someone who won’t help themselves

NHS won't keep re-doing the ortho. I think the OP mentioned £600 in the opening post. That's not an NHS fee.

Modern orthodontic guidance is retention is lifelong not 6 months, as otherwise teeth try to move back to their genetically predetermined position. You're lucky basically that they haven't relapsed.

Ok, didn't realise it was different with private orthos - but surely they couldn't fit straightening braces until the hygiene issues were sorted anyway?

It doesn't matter whether the orthodontist is NHS or private, the rules are the same in that poor oral hygiene and active dental caries are a contraindication for orthodontics.

@Thepleasureofyourcompany 's relative possibly had some hygiene intervention at the private orthodontist and managed to turn their oral hygiene around by engaging properly and implementing a proper home hygiene routine. It's all anecdotal 🤷‍♀️

The current professional advice , guidelines and contra-indications have been stated by myself and other posters like@OHEdentalnurse
numerous times in this thread.
There are quite a few posters on this thread who don't know what they're talking about.

Id be more concerned about the fags and nicotine stains personally

@Thepleasureofyourcompany what @Endofroadwhatnext says was true in my daughter's case. She was not allowed a brace until she cleaned her teeth properly (she used to spend time doing it but incorrectly which left plaque). Went to the appointment expecting braces and was turned away until the following month.

OP if he keeps messing up then he isn't ready. Also I was told £5000 for braces so your £2k may be optimistic!

I'm older than you but advice when I had them was to not wear a retainer forever, just a couple of years. I'm gutted as I would have worn one and I now need to have them straightened again 😭

Get him to have his teeth whitened before he thinks about braces. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having crooked teeth and they are definitely not a turn off. I’ve never had issues with mine or attracting men. He needs a good routine and then whitening. Even with a fixed retainer you still need to wear the nightly retainer otherwise the teeth will move back.

Your son is taking the fucking piss. I paid £3k for both ds's brace privately, because neither was quite bad enough to qualify for nhs braces, even though I thought they were bad enough, despite me being previously suggested for ds2, and I really fought.

If he wants it done for a 3rd time he can pay £3k privately. He can get a fixed wire retainer on bottom and top 6 teeth. And then wear retainer. For most : After wearing day, and night, it drips to only night, then 3 nights, then only 1 night a week, to keep on top of it. If you can't be bothered to do that, and he shouldn't really have it done.

It doesn't matter how good looking he is or how shiny his car is, if he smells like an ash try and he doesn't brush his yellow teeth that's going to be more of a bar to him meeting someone than the fact that he needs braces again.

I think that this is something that he, as an adult of 23, needs to deal with, unless you're going to be waiting at his bedroom door with a loaded toothbrush and a timer twice a day, unfortunately this is on him to sort out, not you.

At some point he will realise that whether or not he wants to be a "chick magnet" he needs to brush his teeth regardless.

Totally agree with you.
You speak a lot of sense.
Use your Mum instincts OP, your son needs a kick up the bum/reality check and you are the closest to him so you'll have to do it for his own good xx

Ugh. Chick magnet?

I would talk to him about it, just point out all the reasons you’ve written in your OP to him for getting it sorted. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, you’re a mum and you want the best for him. I had my hair permed when I was about 22, it looked awful, it was a mistake. When I got home my mum told me I’d ruined my hair. She was right, too. I think he’ll listen to you. No one else going to tell him, people are generally too polite to! So, to my mind it’s your duty. Well, I know I’d feel that way. Good luck!

My thoughts. OP, I think it's more about you than him.

Why does anyone think he's going to listen to his mum when he didn't continue wearing his retainers after the first two goes? 🤔

Is he an idiot who is likely going to regret not maintaining his teeth later on? Probably. But he's 23 and it's time to let go.

‘Since teeth going back wonky and splitting from the girlfriend, he doesn't go out, doesn't smile in photos and, as his ma, I can see his confidence is low.’ That’s enough reason not to let this go. He did listen to his mum before, he just didn’t routinely wear the retainer - not uncommon in teens.

Im enjoying all the examples of mansplaining on this thread. Some people just won’t be told , will they ?

Root resorption is also a risk with repeated braces. He has had his chances. He's made his bed so to speak. When he's ready he will choose to have his teeth sorted, if he wants.