Son, 23, really does need a brace on his teeth

[Ange324]

I'm looking for advice on how to approach an awkward subject with my son. When his big teeth arrived, they went all over the place. Sticking out at all angles. The NHS removed 2 teeth from the top and he had braces. His teeth were beautiful. He was 14. He needed to wear a retainer, every night..... for life. He didn't. The teeth went back to being crooked, one front tooth crosses significantly in front of the other and protrudes. So, I took him back to NHS dentist and as he was under 16, they placed another brace on, but I had to pay £600 for. He was meant to wear his retainer. He didn't. Sure enough, the teeth went skewiff again and the NHS placed on another brace. Removed at the end and, yep, he didn't wear his retainer. When his teeth were straight, he smiled in photos, had confidence, looked fantastic, was going out, met a girl. So, when he looked good, he was social, smiley and a chick magnet! Since teeth going back wonky and splitting from the girlfriend, he doesn't go out, doesn't smile in photos and, as his ma, I can see his confidence is low. I believe that if he gets another brace fitted, and this time a fixed permanent invisible retainer on the back teeth, he will start to ooze that gorgeousness he otherwise has. Appearance isn't everything, yet I know how he was when he looked good. In a couple of months time, he starts a new job. A very public facing one, newly moving into a house share with people he doesn't know, and he's intending to have a 2 month siesta before starting. He has over 10k in his bank account (he doesn't go out, so he's got the money). His teeth will only get worse as he gets older, he rarely cleans them so he clearly doesn't like them.
A long background, sorry. I do know it's his choice, but we all want the best for our children, no matter their age. When I read that 87% of people find dodgy looking teeth a turn off, I know I have to help him come to the conclusion it's something he could get sorted so easily and that he knows it made a difference. He really is a good looking lad, and then he talks and you see yellow/black very crooked teeth, it isn't the best.
What could I say/do to encourage him to spend no more than 2k, perhaps over 12 months, to get that brace on? The option of not doing or saying anything isn't in my dna.
Many thanks.

He’s an adult, you need to leave this topic alone now

In fact reading back he has relapsed 3x.

In the practice I worked at, he wouldn't have been fitted with another brace after the fist one.

If you are ever wondering why your children are stuck on a waiting list and cant get into an orthodontist, this is why.

Personally OP I think he’s made his bed. Maybe when he’s older he’ll pull his finger out and actually want to get it sorted.

It sounds like he’s in a bit of a between stage of life at the minute. Broke up with his girl friend, in between jobs, moved back in with his mum.

Give him a few years and he’ll get some confidence back.

If I thought you would be happier a different hair colour, different size boobs etc should I force you even if you've already tried it twice and not been bothered to maintain it?
Do you actually talk about feelings and mental health

I don’t think the OP thinks for a moment that he will be able to access NHS orthodontics again. She has said clearly that he has the funds for private treatment.

@viques

I'm actually stating how much orthodontic time they have already wasted.
I am fully aware that OP son would no longer qualify.

Ok.

It is up to him now. Nhs won't cover it again so he needs to find a private orthodontist to assess. It might take longer to realign them now he has stopped growing, Ds recently paid the best part of £500 for a new removable retainer and repair of fixed wire retainer, so costs are ongoing.

I’m wearing a fixed brace now at 34 Op, after having them as a teen, and then, like your DS, I didn’t wear my retainer, and wisdoms teeth grew in, and over the years through my 20s they went back all over the place again. It didn’t bother me so much in my 20s but when I got to 30 I wanted to do something about it. But I had to get to that point on my own. I’d have been horrified and upset if my mum had pushed me to do it sooner because she didn’t like how my teeth looked.

Mine isn’t NhS btw, it’s private

I would save your money, OP.

Sorry, but he sounds lazy, and the fact that he stopped bothering to clean his teeth as soon as he hooked a girlfriend and "thought he'd got life sorted" suggests a bigger problem to me.
If he couldnt even be bothered to keep up something as basic as oral hygiene long term, it's hard to imagine him putting in enough effort in other ways for him to maintain any relationship for very long.

On the plus side, he is still relatively young so still has time to grow up and improve, if he has the inclination, but I think that will only happen if he takes responsibility for himself. As a parent, it is time to take a back seat.

not read whole thread but if his oral hygiene is poor, any decent orthodontist would refuse to fit braces

Why do people keep saying this!!

Any orthodontist will have seen some horrific teeth, far worse probably, and will advise the OPs son how he can have his made much nicer.

He's making his choices and he's not prioritising his oral health. If you couldn't get him to stick to it when he was younger why do you think you can sort it for him now as an adult?

Let him know your concerns, but then drop it off he doesn't want to take your advice. He's an adult and he's allowed to make his own mistakes.

It’s not just his oral health he is compromising, poor oral hygiene can lead to cardiac problems too.

maybe cos, oh, I don't know, there's a modicum of truth in it?!

There isn't really. A private orthodontist will be able to advise on the best course of action. They will not be throwing their hands in the air and refusing to treat him.

A relation of mine had awful gum disease and missing teeth plus stains. She has lovely teeth now after treatment, including partial braces. Cost a lot but absolutely worth it.

Him not cleaning his teeth is disgusting and will be his biggest barrier to anyone (not just women) wanting to be near him. I don't like my teeth, I still brush them!

I'd be amazed if you could get ortho done for £2000.

Sorry @Thepleasureofyourcompany, but that's inaccurate.
Poor oral hygiene is an absolute contraindication to fixed orthodontics.
A couple of visits to the hygienist is not going to cut the mustard, if the patient doesn't have a complete behaviour change and start brushing and interdental brushing daily properly. It's about what you do every day, twice a day at home yourself that matters

It doesn't matter how long the dentist /therapist/ hygienist spends on professional mechanical plaque removal if the patient still doesn't engage in behaviour change with respect to their daily oral hygiene routine.

I am trained in oral health and it would be 100% unadvisable to put a brace on someone with poor oral health. The dentist/orthodontist would get the patient to improve their oral health before treatment!

Dentist don't want to damage teeth and putting a fixed appliance on someone with poor oral health will cause damage.

A permanent retainer will mean it's even harder to clean his teeth, our dentist refuses to fit them as proper flossing is impossible. DS, DH and I all wear night retainers.

It really is the only way to keep teeth from moving, permanent retainers can't be used if his bottom teeth go behind his top teeth too.

If he had been cleaning them and really taking care then yes it'd be a good move to pay for treatment again but he does seem like he can't be arsed to put the work in so he may end up with straight teeth if he goes through it all again but the staining won't change without continued adequate dental hygiene.

I think you need to just back off and let him make his own decisions with regards to his teeth.

Poor oral hygiene is an absolute contraindication to fixed orthodontics

Well there is clearly something they can do to improve teeth as my sibling and all those shocking before and after photos will show.

@Thepleasureofyourcompany

Yes, it's improvement of oral health, seeing a periodontist, seeing a hygienist.

This doesn't come cheap and will extend treatment time.

Well perhaps the OPs ds could consider it. Tbh even a good cleaning from the hygienist every couple of months will help.

@Thepleasureofyourcompany

Not if he isn't brushing at home. It would be pointless. Oral hygiene starts at home.