Thread 46 - GCSE Covid Cohort , Searching for Summer Solstice

[OrangeCinnamonLatte]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.

Previous Thread

We were probably at the stricter end with no food or tech in the bedroom and up to sixth form usually 10.30pm on a week night. DH gets up at 5.45am for work. After A level there were one or two conversations about yes you can stay up gaming but keep the noise down as we still have work.

@Piggywaspushed if I paraphrase what you have explained it's not that you want your DS in bed asleep it's that you want to confine him to one room. Is that correct? And, if so, is that a reasonable request every night they are in of another adult in their home? I appreciate what you say about worrying abut lack of sleep being an eight hours a night person myself. As your health can be impacted can you appeal for their thoughtfulness something like Mon-Thurs as work days follow?

For fathers' day we had my parents here for lunch. That prompted DS to say happy fathers day to DH. DS had only walked in 20 minutes earlier from staying at a friend's. To be fair my father doesn't really like it, says it is commercial and doesn't have the history of mothers' day. However my parents are noticeably getting older so it was nice to have time together. I wasn't going to prod DS to do anything as a few years back DH unilaterally decided he wasn't helping DS get me a birthday card or present. DS was away on a school trip. He came home on my birthday not knowing there was no card for him to sign etc and there are no shops in walking distance. Yes I can take my revenge cold!

I'm the same re Father's Day. Mother's Day is a very small affair here (Not my choice!) so out of principle I refuse to do anything for Father's Day. Petty I know.

We are a family of routine. DS is 16 and always goes to bed at 10 through choice even if he's nothing on the next day. So do I. We don't have food upstairs and so far have avoided any tvs upstairs too. DD doesn't push it when home- I think she's glad of the early nights. We don't make them go to bed but they choose to at least be in their rooms.

@Piggywaspushed i think you’re sending mixed messages in expecting him to pay rent like an adult but buying him clothes and policing his movements as if he’s a child.

I haven’t bought my kids clothes since they had an allowance at 12 and they haven’t had bedtimes since primary school. Ds fully expects to be paying rent after he leaves sixth form - he’s got a 16 year old friend doing an apprenticeship who pays his parents rent.

My dh is an owl, going to sleep (often on the sofa!) around 1-3 and my kids take after him. They’re often out now with friends in the evenings - ds came back at 1am last night - but as long as I know where they are and when they’ll be back I can go to bed. Our house was always the sleepover hub when they were younger and I never enforced lights out times then either as I wanted them to feel welcome. It worked out well, I really liked their friends and enjoyed having them round once they passed the shrieky 12 year old girl phase!

I do think you’ll create more friction in the house if you try to enforce rules with an adult. Maybe he needs to work towards moving out if you find it difficult having another adult in the house who has different habits?

I have one DD who goes to bed at the same time every night and gets up at the same time every day, even weekends and holidays and still texts goodnight every night - and expects a response even though she is 300miles away... The other DD hardly sleeps - around 4/5 hours a night so often wakes at 5.30.... then Ds is a typical teen and has turned nocturnal since finishing school for exams...

I have four children and they are all so different - I spend a lot of my time talking about equity and equality as opposed to treating them all the same....

DS turned nocturnal in the first lockdown, before that he used to go to bed at 10ish and up at 6.30 every day. It used to cause friction at weekends as DD has been much more nocturnal for years and would want to lie in till 11, DH is similar and I'm more of an early bird. So if we wanted to go out as a family DS and I would be getting really impatient by about 10 while the other two snoozed on. They never really did sleepovers, one or two each and decided they didn't like them and that was that. They definitely both need a lot of their own space outside uni/college/work.

I have been keeping up, but not written anything for a while. Ds2 went back to Brighton by train in the end, he didn't drive, he only stayed one night, finished emptying his room and handed the keys back. I wanted him to bring all his stuff home when I collected him. He refused to. Said he'd be going back for a few days. In the end he didn't want to go back. I did consider insuring him on my car for 24 hours and giving him a motorway driving lesson. I'm not sure if I'm brave enough. I was surprised at the quote from the insurance Co. I thought it would have been more than they suggested.

Ds has been going to the gym several times a week. He'd never been before. He has bought himself protein shakes and is cooking extra meals. He's desperate to put on weight. He only weighs 7 stone 10lbs. I wish I could give him some of my extra weight!

As for bedtime. Once they were teens we didn't set a time. As long as they could get up for school. It's always been a problem for ds2. He finds getting up difficult. Ds3 is quite sensible and turns off early. The older 2 always used to shout while gaming online with friends, we've had to tell them off for that as ds3 used to say he couldn't sleep for noise. His room is nearer theirs, we can't really hear them unless very loud.

Dh has toothache...at 10.40pm last night i went back downstairs for painkillers for him, I found Ds2 in the kitchen cooking pasta. He looked a bit guilty as he was not expecting me back down. I know he's up cooking late though.
I won't be sharing a bedroom with dh tonight though...he's got a high temp, he closed all the windows when I went on a dog walk, I came back to him wearing a wooly jumper and wrapped in a thick fleece, it was 27° in the living room! I can't stand sleeping in that heat, so he can sleep on his own. I didn't know toothache could cause a high temp. He's seen the dentist who couldn't find anything wrong. But has given him antibiotics.

I have a no food upstairs rule. None allowed in the living room either. They do take drinks up. Dh's dd visited with her son, he's 6. He was climbing all over the furniture in the living room with a bowl of snacks. I was desperate to get a cloth and wipe the furniture. No, I'm not a housework freak, I just hate food on the sofa. No eating allowed in the car either. Though they did as kids in my old car.

@icanbewhatiwant if your DH is in pain tomorrow but him some Orajel dental gel. It's blooming marvellous. It basically numbs the area for hours so you have to be careful where you put it. It saved my sanity once when I was in agony with a hole in my tooth but couldn't get seen.

@Heifer thanks for the tip. I'll look it up.

Just catching up after being away for a few days for DS1's graduation, which was lovely. A bit sad that he does not have good friends in his Medicine cohort, due to Covid there were no opportunities to socialise with alcohol with other medics in the first year, and he is too shy to make friends without a drink. Ceremony was lovely, first half of calling out names a bit boring, but then the fabulous choir sang and we had 2 interesting honorary grads including Kirsty Wark, who gave a great speech. Provost then spoke on theme "to boldly go..." and the final organ voluntary was the Star Trek theme - but I think it appealed more to parents than to students!

We are not very rule based household, we were running our own business and working silly hours for key years and that meant we just did not really establish good routines. My two are both nocturnal, but they prefer to be in their rooms and don't spend so much time downstairs, but DS2 often goes to the gym at 11:00 (until 1 am) because it is quieter and he can get all the equipment he wants. I was glad that they did not want girlfriends to stay over until they were over 16, but when DS2's GF started staying it was very much one way as her mum was his Maths teacher and she has a younger brother and a much smaller house, which made it all more awkward.

Father's day was ignored because it was also DH's birthday. DS1 did nothing, but his GF had got a mug printed with lovely pictures of the dog. DS2 had prompted me into getting tickets for a concert of DH's favourite vocal group, so we will all be going at the beginning of August. We all sing chamber music, so it is a nice thing to do together. Agree that they are just naturally different, DS1 thoughtless, but was very much up for it when I asked him to go and stay with my mum for a few days whilst my stepfather has an operation - so he is thoughtless more than unkind! DS2 loves to organise presents but does not see the point of cards.

Oooh, @Monkey2001, which group is it? My DS finished his last GCSE exam today and then had to head straight to Cathedral Choir practice! (He and his mates are celebrating after an Intro to Sixth Form Day tomorrow so he didn't miss out on anything, as not all of them had to be in today.) Last great concert we went to was when The Sixteen were up here some time ago.

Ds used to love the late night gym sessions when he belonged to PureGym @Monkey2001 ! Now he’s at a small chain of more ‘serious’ gyms that close at 9, so he can’t do that anymore!

He is also thoughtless and just doesn’t get (yet) the point of making an effort. He’s also had a very thoughtful older sister buying all the joint presents until now….

Dd is back from Morocco/Spain late tonight and home for a few days until she goes to Croatia next week. I hope she’s still got some money in her bank account!

Sounds like a lovely few days Monkey. I am assuming he is now going to inter calculate elsewhere? I don’t know much about medicine other than St A’s operate slightly differently to other courses.

After a hectic couple of weeks of intern working, tutoring, lifeguarding and coaching (sometimes all on same day!) DD is sunning in Lake Como before departing for Madrid next week au pairing. But she’ll squeeze in a few more trips in August before heading back. I can’t complain as she’s funding all herself, and I like the ahem, breathers over 4 months.

Her life is so far removed from mine at that age, although I was on the property ladder at 19, without knowing 15.5% interest rates were around the corner. Makes me shudder with the imminent rise here on and impact on many.

Also, DD was buzzing when I got home today, as she has (essentially) finished the project for her internship. She's been working intensely whenever she's clocked on, and now has a week left to polish everything, dot the is and cross the ts (or the artistic equivalent). She's produced a staggering amount of cute fantasy art to order (static and animated). Now the graphic designer and coder will turn it into an "intro to the university" module, presented as a fantasy quest; the idea is that it will be more fun and engaging than the current click-through-this-wall-of-text approach.

As she would love to get a job doing something like that, it's been a great experience for her (plus topped up her funds for next year).

Congratulations to ds1 @Monkey2001! Sorry to hear he wasn't able to make course mates, but hopefully that will change in Manchester. Well done to dd @PhotoDad - will be useful on the CV too I'm sure.

@ealingwestmum I can relate to having the breathers. It's MUCH harder work with dd here, even though she's lovely. She's always needing the car or a lift to see someone/post a parcel/go shopping and she's always got plans that I need to know about and commit to memory immediately, or she will be very disappointed in my lack of engagement! The complete opposite of ds who is always out but never plans in advance, generally doesn't even tell me when he's going out/who with/where unless I intercept him at the door and is very independent.

@Monkey2001 You paint a picture there of a great ceremony. That cohort have done so well from such a rubbish start.

Loving all the tales of summers abroad. On a more prosaic note the mum of one of DS's friends is paying them to go to Middlesbrough next week to do some cleaning!

Exactly that Crazy!

Sounds like it was a lovely experience Photodad, I’m sure she’ll be inundated with work both alongside and post studies.

Loving tales of Monkey 1 graduation. We'll all blink and year 2 will be over (like year 1 has already flown) and our lot will soon be graduating!

@Oblomov23 DS just enrolled for year 2 today. You can't whizz it away yet!! I cannot be ageing at that rate.

Anyone else's student clinging on to first year and refusing to come home? Despite having no phone or access to money, DS is still in Nottingham. He has to come home tomorrow night as it's the only time I can collect him. I can guarantee he won't have packed - I'm experienced at this moving out routine now.
He needs to get a job, to pay off his overdraft and buy a replacement phone 🤦 He hasn't paid a deposit on next year's house yet either. He has no savings to travel anywhere this summer but does have a ticket to Wireless. And possibly resits to consider 😬

Mine is flitting between home and Leeds depending on the demands of the various jobs he has taken on. We have to love his stuff out next weekend though as he is in London with NYMT on his official move out weekend.

@PhotoDad we are going to a Voces8 concert. Does your DS sing at Newcastle cathedral? A choir we sing with is resident for a week in August and I don't think I have ever been there. Both my boys love singing, which is very pleasing for us. DS1 got a choral scholarship at St Andrews, but sadly was in Covid times and the second choir. He did not want to carry on after first year because they were too posh for him, but I think it would have helped if they could have sung proper music rather than just a lot of cantoring. I know quite a lot about choral scholarships if you need info, DS1 was offered a scholarship of he had managed to get an offer from Cambridge. DS2 has got one at St Peter Mancroft in Norwich. Your daughter's project sounds perfect for her and for her "client".

@ealingwestmum he is doing his clinical years in Manchester. They don't intercalate as they all do a degree in Year 3 on the basis of years 2/3 and a dissertation. St Andrews medics go to Glasgow, Aberdeen, Dundee, Edinburgh, Manchester, Barts and the odd one goes to Cambridge.

A great choice for his next stage Monkey. We unusually don’t have any YP from our covid cohort at Manchester (I don’t think?) so good see an older sibling choose it.

@Monkey2001 Yes, he sings at Newcastle. They are very very rare in having a special group (called "Cambiata") for former choristers who can't sing treble any more, and DS likes keeping going with his cohort of mates. They rehearse once a week and often sing Evensong along with the "back row." It's a really friendly cathedral (although there are still mixed feelings about recent renovations which removed all the pews).

When DS auditioned, back in Year 4 or Year 5, at the end the choirmaster asked for any questions. DS asked, "Does it matter that I'm an atheist?" Reply; "No, so long as you don't heckle the preacher." 😀The Americans say "Preaching to the choir" instead of "preaching to the converted" which amuses me because choirs are always trying to find the next piece of music rather than following the service.

Manchester is an amazing city, I'm sure your DS will enjoy his years there! I might well pick your brains about choral scholarships in a year's time or so; I don't think it will be the basis of where DS applies but might be a tie-breaker, if that makes sense. How amazing that both your DSs are singers!

Despite being a very infrequent poster on this thread, I do read regularly and love hearing what all of the other 1st year students up and down the country are getting up to.
My son has been home for a week now. He stayed on in Oxford for a week after his last exam living his absolute best life and enjoying the heatwave. He thinks exams went well apart from the last one which was an absolute nightmare of a paper. He’s hoping to have scraped a pass but can resist in Sept if need be. I’d love for him to enjoy the summer without having to swot as he’s worked so hard this year. Fingers crossed he did better than he thinks.
@ProggyMat is your daughter home? My son is back off to Oxford next week, hosting a few open days for potential north east students. Can’t believe his first year is over. I’m so proud of how he’s thrown himself into everything, even the weird traditions and formals that he was so wary of!!