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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

Thread 46 - GCSE Covid Cohort , Searching for Summer Solstice

990 replies

OrangeCinnamonLatte · 24/04/2023 22:12

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.

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OP posts:
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ealingwestmum · 24/05/2023 12:14

Fingers crossed for your DS1 tomorrow Monkey

Shimy · 24/05/2023 14:01

@Monkey2001 Fingers crossed for your ds re: his degree. My ds1 has to wait till end of June before he knows.

Original poster
OrangeCinnamonLatte · 24/05/2023 15:31

crazycrofter · 24/05/2023 10:19

Dd is really struggling with getting started with work, and is convinced she has ADHD (I think she’s probably right.) She pulled an all nighter last night and had just 2 hours sleep 😱 She wants to get a diagnosis and some sort of help.I’m convinced that she needs coaching /to find out what works for her, rather than meds, but who knows?

Ds is year 12 but is adamant he doesn’t want to do to uni so no more open days here 😢

There are lifestyle changes that can be looked at I gather, Dd pivots between wanting to look into an ADHD diagnosis and not wanting too. Mainly based on procrastination in the past...now mainly overcome and concentration difficulties. She has terrible issues with erratic behaviour especially around PMS time ...and aggression!

The obvious, vitamins, sleep, diet, water. Then mindfulness / overcoming procrastination / increasing dopamine type strategies all seem to have helped in small ways.

OP posts:
Original poster
OrangeCinnamonLatte · 24/05/2023 15:34

Monkey2001 · 24/05/2023 11:57

@mummyinbeds they are all entitled to an extra year, however long the course, so if doing a 4 year course they can have 5 years of funding.

We have the A level results day stress this year - DS needs an A for Chemistry. He was hoping to get an offer from Newcastle, which would have been unconditional as he already had the grades they need, so a great Insurance choice. And DS1 gets his degree classification tomorrow, will be very sad if he does not get a First, so fingers crossed!

Fingers crossed !
Glad results have not been held up.

OP posts:
Oblomov23 · 24/05/2023 17:24

@ExtremelyDetermined
Since aged 1. Easier, I've never known anything else. Never had any special help at exams, always just deliberately ran my blood sugars a tiny bit higher to get through them.

Oblomov23 · 24/05/2023 17:27

@DontCallMeBaby and @ExtremelyDetermined, I too in the summer of finishing at Uni moved, and then took the ferry to go clubbing!

Piggywaspushed · 24/05/2023 17:46

DS1 has just been diagnosed with something but because if whatever that is he is now not going to the support meeting!!

crazycrofter · 24/05/2023 17:53

Ooh @mummyinbeds please let me know how you get on with student support, I keep telling dd she needs to start there. To be fair to her, she’s been proactive in the past about seeking help so I think she probably will go. She just seems to be pinning hopes on medication. It didn’t agree with ds so I’m a bit negative about it, would rather she go down the practical route like @OrangeCinnamonLatte suggests.

@ExtremelyDetermined do it while she’s still a child as the adult waiting lists are longer apparently. 😬

Oh dear @Piggywaspushed is he too anxious to accept help? 😩 I do think a diagnosis can be helpful as long as they respond by learning more about how they tick and trying to change things.

Piggywaspushed · 24/05/2023 17:57

Too anxious, or toomuch of a procrastinator. I don't know what the Ed psych found but am guessing dyspraxia and/ or ADD. Doubt the H bit.

crazycrofter · 24/05/2023 18:32

@Piggywaspushed out of interest, did he go private or has he been waiting on an NHS list?

Piggywaspushed · 24/05/2023 18:35

It was paid for by uni.

PhotoDad · 24/05/2023 18:36

Our own experience is that we had to go private for DD's MH issues. We're very fortunate that medication worked in her case, but I know it doesn't for everyone.

PhotoDad · 24/05/2023 18:36

@Piggywaspushed Glad to hear that the uni is being helpful. That's not always guaranteed.

Piggywaspushed · 24/05/2023 18:38

No, which is why he should bloomin' well go t his appointment!

crazycrofter · 24/05/2023 18:57

@Piggywaspushed that’s amazing! I didn’t know that was even a thing! Is it only for masters students?

Piggywaspushed · 24/05/2023 18:58

No, don't think so. They pay for a test and then the uni pays them back.

Comefromaway · 24/05/2023 19:03

I sympathise Piggy. Ds has refused to access his 1:1 mentoring all year.

GoldenRuby · 24/05/2023 19:23

@Piggywaspushed I remember for my 72 hour exam (medieval heresy paper using contemporary sources) there were three of us who commandeered one of the 4 desk study rooms just along from the history corridor in Vanbrugh. We put a sign on the door so no one came in other than my bf (now husband) bringing us all copious amounts of caffeine! We left unimportant stuff in the room overnight and kept the sign on the door so we claimed it for the full 3 days. I have bizarrely fond memories of that exam. The 12 hour ones were much worse.

Piggywaspushed · 24/05/2023 19:26

I remember hanging out in Vanbrugh library in first year translating The Pearl.

Pretty sure I did my 72 hour exam in my student house - The 8 hour ones (I did two of the bastards!) I definitely did in a friend's room who lived on campus. I was plied with tea and cake.

ExtremelyDetermined · 24/05/2023 21:26

crazycrofter · 24/05/2023 17:53

Ooh @mummyinbeds please let me know how you get on with student support, I keep telling dd she needs to start there. To be fair to her, she’s been proactive in the past about seeking help so I think she probably will go. She just seems to be pinning hopes on medication. It didn’t agree with ds so I’m a bit negative about it, would rather she go down the practical route like @OrangeCinnamonLatte suggests.

@ExtremelyDetermined do it while she’s still a child as the adult waiting lists are longer apparently. 😬

Oh dear @Piggywaspushed is he too anxious to accept help? 😩 I do think a diagnosis can be helpful as long as they respond by learning more about how they tick and trying to change things.

@crazycrofter unfortunately she's 17.5 so we have probably missed the boat for paediatric referral, unless the waiting lists are very short. I have wondered about leaving it till she's at uni as @Piggywaspushed 's DS has shown that can be one way of doing it, but really feel we should get started now even if it means going private. DD does blow a bit hot and cold about it all. I am a bit concerned about the seriousness of medication, she is a bit reluctant to try eg reducing sugar in diet, mindfulness etc though.

Shimy · 24/05/2023 21:53

@Piggywaspushed
Sorry to hear about Ds's new diagnosis and the struggle to get him to engage. It's so hard once they are adults, you can't just bundle them off to the GP like when they were young. Keep encouraging him and stressing the importance of engaging with services towards getting the help he needs. It was really hard with ds2 but eventually he acquiesced and now grateful he did. It wasn't easy though.

@ExtremelyDetermined There's no harm in trying all avenues. NHS waiting lists are as long as the M1!

Piggywaspushed · 24/05/2023 21:59

It's not a struggle to be honest as he doesn't know I know...

ExtremelyDetermined · 24/05/2023 22:31

It does get more complicated when they're older doesn't it. Fortunately with DS we had all his diagnoses done by about age 7 so I've been organising and pushing for him for as long as he can remember and he just accepts it all and takes the help. DD is another matter, she is much more independent and whatever her impairments turn out to be they are a lot less severe than DS's so the benefits of eg DSA may not be as great as they are for DS.

Fiddlersgreen · 24/05/2023 22:33

@Monkey2001 good luck to DS1 for tomorrow!

@Shimy thank you, yes realistically there is plenty of time. I was worrying about the ucas grades for his application.
he just seems so disengaged with it all at the moment.

Fiddlersgreen · 24/05/2023 22:33

@Monkey2001good luck to DS1 for tomorrow!

@Shimythank you, yes realistically there is plenty of time. I was worrying about the ucas grades for his application.
he just seems so disengaged with it all at the moment.