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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

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Original poster

Should I still move house if adult child moved back home

64 replies

Bubbabubs · 11/04/2023 09:25

Hi. So this is my first post so please be kind. My situation is I met my partner later on in life and we are really happy and been together with 6 years. We have a house each and are now both in a position to sell up and buy a house together. We want to start afresh in a new area too.

I am 56 and my partner is 60. We decided to wait until both my sons had moved out and were settled in their lives. They are 22 and 24. My eldest has now split up with his girlfriend whom he has a 3 year old son with and moved back in with me.

I am meant to be putting my house on the market in June but I feel guilty now as he is back. He has no intention of moving out and said I am chucking him out, leaving him homeless and I am being selfish. It’s causing a rift between me and my partner as he thinks I may have second thoughts but should I really be putting my life on hold again?

I am torn please help.

OP posts:

00100001 · 11/04/2023 09:26

Your son is a dickhead.

SeulementUneFois · 11/04/2023 09:27

Agree with the above.
Go ahead with your plans.

Badbudgeter · 11/04/2023 09:33

I’d stick with your plans. I’m assuming your son can get a job and his own place. I’m hoping you are not cooking or cleaning up after him

Original poster

Bubbabubs · 11/04/2023 09:35

He has a really good job and works hard but he is a lazy bum at home. But he is my son at the end of the day and I do love him

OP posts:

FriendsDrinkBook · 11/04/2023 09:36

Sell your house. He's trying his luck.

Do you know why his relationship broke up?

FriendsDrinkBook · 11/04/2023 09:37

Okay , you say he's lazy , that'll do it.

MagnoliatheMagnificent · 11/04/2023 09:38

Stick with your plans. He has time to sort something else out. If he’s old enough to have a child, he’s surely old enough to fend for himself albeit with a bit if notice!

CleaningOutMyCloset · 11/04/2023 09:39

Would your partner be happy if your son moved with you? Are you in the position to buy with a small annex that your ds could rent from you and your partner?

Your ds is being unreasonable, he's big enough and old enough to buy or rent, I suspect he likes the fact his mum is running round after him - is he paying a contribution towards his room, bills etc?

AmandaHoldensLips · 11/04/2023 09:39

You have dedicated 24 years of your life to parenting. Now it's your turn.

If your son is unable to stand on his own two feet then he had no business becoming a father. Remind him he's not a child any more. He is a parent with grown-up responsibilities and it's time for him to step up and ship out.

Nothing's going to happen overnight. Selling up and buying a new home takes time. So he will have time to make a plan and get his shit together.

Depending on your financial situation, you might decide to set aside an amount for each of your sons to help them on their way. But you are not responsible for providing a convenient life for them any more.

gamerchick · 11/04/2023 09:40

Tell him it's happening and it gives him some time to sort somewhere to live out. But he won't be moving with you.

Lazy bums need to start adulting and not get their arses wiped forever

Whichnumbers · 11/04/2023 09:40

At 24 your son is 6 years into adulthood and has a child of his own ffs. He needs to be looking after himself not expecting his mummy to be doing that. Support yes, but that’s different from a cuckoo in the nest demanding you change your plans to suit him.

wonder why his relationship failed if he’s being this obnoxious with you….

ZeroWorshipHere · 11/04/2023 09:40

No come on - you’ve got your own life to lead. He can rent a flat or find a house share and look after himself. I would maybe think differently if he was pleasant, pulled his weight around the house and was looking to get himself back on his feet. He’s found himself a cosy place to land - of course he wants to guilt you into letting him stay.

loving him doesn’t mean you need to let him walk all over you

Magenta82 · 11/04/2023 09:41

You've given him loads of notice, he has time to sort himself out.
Moving in with you should be a temporary situation to help while he gets himself together, nit a long term plan.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/04/2023 09:43

Your son is lazy by your own admission, and I'd bet he has a hefty amount of entitlement to go along with it. You'd be doing him no favours by allowing him to take advantage of you.

It's time for you to enjoy your own life. Your son needs to grow up.

MrsMullerBecameABaby · 11/04/2023 09:43

Bubbabubs · 11/04/2023 09:35

He has a really good job and works hard but he is a lazy bum at home. But he is my son at the end of the day and I do love him

Actually this is a reason to move IMO 😜

Seriously though you'll have given him the "cushion" of 3-6 months back with you following his breakup, and as you're selling, which realistically takes about 6 months from first contacting estate agents to handing over the keys, you are giving him plenty of notice. He has a good job so can save a rental deposit and first month's rent over the next 4-6 months even if he isn't in a position to buy.

NotLovingWFH · 11/04/2023 09:43

It’s your turn now @Bubbabubs do what suits you. Your son is an adult and will have to provide for himself, you won’t help him by offering more than a temporary place to stay.

hattie43 · 11/04/2023 09:44

Go ahead with your plans . Your son is an adult and needs to act as such and provide for himself and his son.

Original poster

Bubbabubs · 11/04/2023 09:45

they were living with her parents and my son had a big fallout with them all. It’s not the first time he’s split up and come back but I think this is final. We have said he can move with us but we are moving counties so not a small move and he will still want to see his son. Although with his job he can relocate.

OP posts:

Gymmum82 · 11/04/2023 09:46

He’s a lazy man child. Wonder why his girlfriend dumped him 🙄
He has his own kid. Time to man up and get his own place and time for you to teach him how to maintain a home, cook, clean, pull his weight! I swear this is the reason a lot of men are so flipping useless is because they are babied by their mothers

RoseMartha · 11/04/2023 09:46

Go ahead with your plans. He is manipulating you and as an adult he can find somewhere else to live. It is not as though he does not have any notice, it will take at least two to three month, probably longer plenty of time for him to find somewhere .

Spongebetty · 11/04/2023 09:47

Your son is an adult OP.

If he's old enough to make a child he's old enough to make his own way in the world.

Carry on with your plans and ignore his emotional blackmail.

JuicyBanana · 11/04/2023 09:47

Well this move of yours will help focus his efforts to get his own place then won't it? You need to move forward with your life and your son needs to do the same. Good luck with the house sale.

TheBugWife · 11/04/2023 09:47

Go ahead with your plans. If you can afford it can you help him with a deposit on a rental for a small flat that he can have his child overnight in.

Other than that he has plenty of notice and is an adult. Time to act like one.

Spongebetty · 11/04/2023 09:48

Gymmum82 · 11/04/2023 09:46

I could not agree more.

This is why we get so many threads about useless fathers.....🙄

euff · 11/04/2023 09:49

Agree with all the above. Having said that could your son be worried (selfishly or not) that your assets will go to your partner and not your children? Have you an up to date Will and will you be buying the property as tenants in common if you want the kids to benefit? Are you/ will you be in a position to want and be able to give your children a boost financially to help them now with rental or mortgage deposits?

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