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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

Should I still move house if adult child moved back home

64 replies

Bubbabubs · 11/04/2023 09:25

Hi. So this is my first post so please be kind. My situation is I met my partner later on in life and we are really happy and been together with 6 years. We have a house each and are now both in a position to sell up and buy a house together. We want to start afresh in a new area too.

I am 56 and my partner is 60. We decided to wait until both my sons had moved out and were settled in their lives. They are 22 and 24. My eldest has now split up with his girlfriend whom he has a 3 year old son with and moved back in with me.

I am meant to be putting my house on the market in June but I feel guilty now as he is back. He has no intention of moving out and said I am chucking him out, leaving him homeless and I am being selfish. It’s causing a rift between me and my partner as he thinks I may have second thoughts but should I really be putting my life on hold again?

I am torn please help.

OP posts:
Newyearnewmeow · 11/04/2023 09:51

Stop being so soft. Time to live your life the way you want it without pandering to a selfish adult son.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/04/2023 09:54

We have said he can move with us

Why in the fuck did you offer that? I can't imagine your partner will like that at all. You'll never get rid of your freeloading son at this point. Stop being such a mug.

Spongebetty · 11/04/2023 09:57

We have said he can move with us🙀

Are you crazy ?!

TheFormidableMrsC · 11/04/2023 10:00

I have recently almost found myself in this position when my 24 yo DD told me she'd need to move home (albeit not permanently but for the foreseeable). I am also planning on selling and relocating. I made this clear to her and she's a sensible woman who completely understands why I need to move. So she's got herself somewhere else to live which is exactly what your son should be doing. He's a grown man. He's a parent. He needs to sort himself out.

liveforsummer · 11/04/2023 10:01

I'm not surprised your partner is getting annoyed. Everything you'd planned and looked forward to is now in question thanks to your selfish, lazy and unreasonable son. I get you love him but he can't care that much about you to expect you to put these plans on hold at this stage of your life

dimpleton · 11/04/2023 10:07

Bubbabubs · 11/04/2023 09:45

they were living with her parents and my son had a big fallout with them all. It’s not the first time he’s split up and come back but I think this is final. We have said he can move with us but we are moving counties so not a small move and he will still want to see his son. Although with his job he can relocate.

Crikey don't take him with you, you'll never get rid of him! Go ahead with your plans, it'll take a few months to go through even if you sell straight away, that will give him chance to save for a deposit on a rental.

ermmmwhat · 11/04/2023 10:08

He's an adult with his own child. He needs to get a grip, rent a place of his own and let you live your life

ImAvingOops · 11/04/2023 10:19

I think to best thing you could do for him is force him to be a grown up and take responsibility for his own life. There's a difference between offering him a home in an emergency and letting him freeload forever! You've provided a safety net but now it's time he saved a deposit and made a home for his own child - or is he planning to not parent him?

Myfabby · 11/04/2023 10:22

00100001 · 11/04/2023 09:26

Your son is a dickhead.

Is this necessary to be this horrible? You gave zero advice, just insulted her son. How unhelpful!
@00100001

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/04/2023 10:24

No, you’ve done your bit. He needs to take responsibility for himself. Now is your time. He’s plenty of time. Give him a deadline and stick to it.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 11/04/2023 10:37

Bubbabubs · 11/04/2023 09:45

they were living with her parents and my son had a big fallout with them all. It’s not the first time he’s split up and come back but I think this is final. We have said he can move with us but we are moving counties so not a small move and he will still want to see his son. Although with his job he can relocate.

He has a job so why can’t he rent somewhere, like a grown up? It may not be as luxurious as your place but that’s life.

Xrays · 11/04/2023 10:44

Nope you move and has to grow up. House moves don’t happen overnight so he will have plenty of time (and a deadline!) to get himself sorted. At 24 he’s not even a young adult or an older teenager, he’s a fully grown bloke with his own child!

BlueJellycat · 11/04/2023 10:48

Your son is being selfish and ungrateful to say that to you. He is a adult now. He needs to adult, not guilt you into adulting for him. I do think sometimes that kids can get abusive and like any abusive relationship with a adult, you can leave them.

Slimjimtobe · 11/04/2023 10:48

You have been too kind and you partners patience won’t last forever. You prioritised your son for years and now you need to prioritise yourself

i world actually ask him to move out in the next six weeks - he can rent a room in a shared house

Skybluepinky · 11/04/2023 10:50

Sell yr house and move, don’t let yr adult child dictate to u.

Hbh17 · 11/04/2023 10:50

He is an adult. He can rent a room or a flat anywhere. It is absolutely NOT your job to house him, so please go ahead with your original plans.

TempNCforthis · 11/04/2023 10:55

Hang on, so he has left his little child behind but you can't leave him behind, even though he's 24?

BaronessBomburst · 11/04/2023 11:01

No, no, no! He does not get to come with you. He needs to get his act together and be a parent to his son.

Awrite · 11/04/2023 11:06

I hope your partner treats you well as you are putting up with some shoddy treatment from your son.

00100001 · 11/04/2023 11:06

Myfabby · 11/04/2023 10:22

Is this necessary to be this horrible? You gave zero advice, just insulted her son. How unhelpful!
@00100001

Show quote history

It's telling her the truth. And if she can't infer from that, that she should do what suits her, then there we go.

And he is being a manipulative arsehole.

Workawayxx · 11/04/2023 11:16

You should definitely still move and without him. He has until August let's say at the very minimum and if he has a good job surely he can save like mad between now and then if he's living with you presumably for low or no rent? With one 3 year old he just needs a 1 bed flat and he can sleep in the living room when DC stays over. Would rent on a 1 bed be affordable for him in your area? In the kindest way, it sounds like he needs to grow up a little if he's just bounced from your home to his gf family home. If you give him notice and stand firm and encourage him to save it could be the making of him.

Catshaveiteasy · 11/04/2023 11:20

Please don't abandon your plans. He sounds feckless - only 24, has a 3 year old and relationship already over. If he wants to play grown up games, then he can't revert to being a child again.

Maybe lend / give him some money to get back on his feet, if that is the issue. I am sure a 24 year old father can find alternate accommodation- you'll be doing him a favour, realising he needs to grow up.

Beautiful3 · 11/04/2023 11:21

I'd still sell up and move.

forrestgreen · 11/04/2023 11:31

He has plenty of notice! I'm expect him to stay in the area to keep contact with his son. And I'd be hugely pissed off if he expected me to help him move away from his child.

SpecialMangeTout · 11/04/2023 11:47

I’d still move.
He has a job, he can rent etc…

Tbh I’d also address his behaviour at home. It’s not ok for him to do fuck all in the house. No wonder he doesn’t want to move out or fir you to move. A new house with your partner will mean new rules and he knows it.