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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

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Original poster

Should I still move house if adult child moved back home

64 replies

Bubbabubs · 11/04/2023 09:25

Hi. So this is my first post so please be kind. My situation is I met my partner later on in life and we are really happy and been together with 6 years. We have a house each and are now both in a position to sell up and buy a house together. We want to start afresh in a new area too.

I am 56 and my partner is 60. We decided to wait until both my sons had moved out and were settled in their lives. They are 22 and 24. My eldest has now split up with his girlfriend whom he has a 3 year old son with and moved back in with me.

I am meant to be putting my house on the market in June but I feel guilty now as he is back. He has no intention of moving out and said I am chucking him out, leaving him homeless and I am being selfish. It’s causing a rift between me and my partner as he thinks I may have second thoughts but should I really be putting my life on hold again?

I am torn please help.

OP posts:

oachkatzl · 11/04/2023 12:14

We have said he can move with us but we are moving counties so not a small move and he will still want to see his son

No, don't let him move in with you! And don't ditch plans for him.
He is 24. He has a child. He has a decent job. He is more than capable of finding somewhere to rent.
He's being manipulative too saying that you're making him homeless. Nope, he has plenty of options - rent a small flat, rent a room in a flatshare, move in with friends, whatever. You're not chucking him out on the street - you are giving him plenty of notice. But he probably doesn't want to have to fork out for rent - he's been living with his girlfriend's parents so possibly hasn't had to pay very much.

yesithinkido · 11/04/2023 12:23

I feel your pain. But he is playing on it.
A good dad will NOT move out of the area.
He needs to start looking for a place to buy or rent. He can come to yours for a weekend with your grandchild every now and then.

He needs to adult now. This is his chance. Don't take it away from him by being too soft xxx

gogohmm · 11/04/2023 13:05

Carry on with your plans. It's your time now

justanotherdrama · 11/04/2023 18:56

Bubbabubs · 11/04/2023 09:35

He has a really good job and works hard but he is a lazy bum at home. But he is my son at the end of the day and I do love him

No June is enough notice
Go ahead with your plans he's an adult!!
Even if you sold in June it would be 3-4 months minimum so potentially Oct/Nov before completion so you are hardly leaving him destitute!!
He needs to grow up!

AmandaHoldensLips · 12/04/2023 08:29

@Bubbabubs - you are indulging him and enabling his self-entitled behaviour. He can get a house share if he doesn't want to take on a flat, although he should be taking a flat as he has a child to parent. DO NOT let him make you the "default" responsible adult on his parenting share.

I think you should clearly retract the offer for him to move with you. He needs to stay close to his child so he can step up and face up to his responsibilities.

AmandaHoldensLips · 12/04/2023 08:30

(And please tell us you're not doing his bloody laundry and clearing up after him.)

Rainbowqueeen · 12/04/2023 08:37

I would not agree to him moving in with you. That would basically be abandoning his child.

He wants to live with you because it suits him. He doesn’t care about the impact on you or his child. What a selfish selfish man.

BCBird · 12/04/2023 08:41

It is your time for yiu and your partner. Yiur son is cheeky. He needs to be near his child not continue being a child with u. He is being very unreasonable.

inloveandmarried · 12/04/2023 08:51

Carry on with your plans for your life. You gave given him a good start and he's a grown adult with a good job.

If you put your plans on hold he may never need to move out! Your plans for your future won't happen and, you really need to seize the moment. You won't be this young again. Please live your life whilst you can.

I know friends in exactly this situation. For some reason some adult children think it's their right to have a parents carry on providing for them.

All have gone through a strained patch as they were relocated due to parents selling and moving away. But like you it was all planned and no shock to anyone.

Now a few years later they stay over, have holidays together and all is back to normal.

That first year was a bumpy ride though. Lots of guilt and drama. You've offered them generous options. They have choices. Don't fall for it. Please live your life, it's your time now.

FishChipsMushyPeas · 12/04/2023 09:00

He has no intention of moving out

Aye I bet he doesnt

DisforDarkChocolate · 12/04/2023 09:04

So, lazy bum is after someone else to run around after him and thinks you'll do it?

Sell up. He's capable of getting his own place and time to do while you sell two houses.

Whatthediddlyfeck · 12/04/2023 10:17

I don’t see myself ever having a house that didn’t have rooms for my children, no matter their age, but absolutely not with it reverting to a parent/child relationship which is what your son seems to be doing.
Make your move

Ishouldbeoutside · 18/04/2023 07:34

Sell up and move. He’s not your responsibility.

Beamur · 18/04/2023 07:41

Go ahead with your plans.
Your son has several months to save for a rental deposit and find somewhere to live.
It does sound as if he hasn't really taken responsibility for himself yet, let alone his child. It is time for him to grow up a bit.
You are doing him more of a favour in the long term by reducing the safety net.
He may have no intention of moving out, but it's not his decision to take.

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