Children wanting my inheritance

[Donalda]

My husband died 2 months ago leaving me a healthy inheritance, now my 2 sons want to manage properties left for me and give me what they deem fit, I will add that both of them were left with a healthy inheritance too.now it's a case of accepting what they want in the name of peace, or standing g up to them and losing them. I'm torn.

So they want to manage your assets and give you pocket money? Why on earth would they think you need that level of input!

unless you want to spend the rest of your days being financially controlled by them you have to stand up to them.

Are they usually so controlling? If you don't want them to manage the properties then don't allow them to. If they don't like it, well, they will need to deal with that. Threatening to never speak to or see you again as a result is extreme and ridiculous behaviour.

Have they actually threatened to cut you off if you don’t essentially hand over your property?

Isn’t that a form of blackmail? Give us want we want or we won’t talk to you?

I’ve given my sons money to help them get their mortgages and they’ve been more than grateful. I’d be ashamed if they were greedy and asked for more.

Although there will be much more for them if and when I decide to give it to them.

Especially as your sons have already had their share of the inheritance.

They sound very greedy and ungrateful.

They sound greedy and you can use this to your advantage. Point out you are perfectly capable of managing your own affairs and if they wish to stop contact you will reflect this when arranging your own will.

They’re being ridiculous. They can have it when you die. They’re lucky they got anything at all so far, usually it all goes to the wife until she passes on

Tell them they'll get their grubby little hands on the money in good time.
& take yourself & a good gf off on a holiday

Erm no. Get the properties managed by a letting agent if you can't do it yourself, and keep all your money.

My dad died 18 months ago, and my brother and my biggest concern has been making sure our mum is ok, including financially, for the long term. Why on earth aren't your sons thinking that too

Turn the tables on them. Threaten to cut them out of your life if they carry on like this, I bet they need you more than you do them; childcare perhaps, but certainly future inheritance. Laughingly tell them to bugger off, get a good letting agent, and focus on spending their inheritance.

Are they trying to be helpful, but overstepping?

DM has properties she hates managing. She won't let the agent manage them properly, and grumbles about it all the time. Blames us for suggesting she get an agent.

We've offered to do it for her.

We'd do her annual spreadsheets but don't want her scrutinising every decision in detail, as that negates the point of us helping. She's still be stressed, she'd still be grumbling at us, and we'd have the work of the property as well.

Could it be something like that?

If you think it's genuinely for their benefit and not yours, then stick to your guns. Don't confront them, just delay delay delay while getting on with it. Then you can say it's fine, you have it all in hand.

We’re the properties left to them in trust?

My husband died intestate, but made his wishes known, I have an audio recording, I willingly agreed to let my elder son take out letters of administration, and took a back seat as I thought all of us would honour his wishes.he left more than enough for us all and the bulk of it to my 2 sons, I was happy with that, now both of them seem to be waiting for my share of cash derived from rented properties in December, which they will share out, I guess as they deem fit.

Were the properties left to you or your sons? If you, then the money is yours. If your sons then it’s theirs.

I might also add both of them are working, married with children, I am only on a pension, whilst looking after one of their kids since she was 1, now 15 years old. The mother abandoned her at birth.

Stand up to them!

@Donalda this is a wake up call for you to rethink your approach to your long term financial planning.

I am sorry for your loss and can’t believe your DC are behaving like this.

This may sound awful but if they suggest it again get upset and say you can’t believe they are wanting to take the inheritance your DH left you only two months after their Dad died. Your DH knew you were capable of managing so why don’t they. Emotionally manipulative but much easier than a no. Every time they raise it get upset at not respecting their Dads/your DHs wishes.

I assume probate etc. hasn’t been completed and they may be angling for a deed of variation.

Longer term you need to think who you want to be executor(s) of your will but more importantly should you need it who will be your POA(s).

Practically go for the next generation down as realistically they are likely to be best placed to do it when you need them. I would suggest your DC but also another relative, niece, nephew, god child, much younger sibling etc. who you trust to be joint executor and/or POA to keep an eye on your DC?

The one thing I have come to realise is when it comes to money some family members can really shock you with how their morals go out the window when they get a sniff of money. Greed has a lot to answer for.

Pfft. Say you need the money! and you aren’t a child, you can manage.

Don't they care about how their mum is?

Obviously don't let them control anything. Leave your assets to them in your will in equal shares, but while you're alive what are they on about. They shouldn't get or control any of it.

Why would they want to bully you into giving them financial control? What for exactly, are they planning to siphon some off? A kind offer to help you would be one thing, but this is something else entirely.

Should see a solicitor it would be worth the cost and withdraw the letters of administration.

Get legal advice, quickly. Don't assume that your sons have divided up the estate as they should have by law, and get advice about protecting yourself financially.

This might help with the rules where there is no will

“If the deceased’s estate is less than £270,000, the full estate will go to the spouse or civil partner, and only this person will be entitled to take a letter of administration. In the case that the estate value is higher than that, then the first £270,000 will go to the spouse, and the rest will be divided in two between the spouse and the children. In such case, the children and the spouse can apply to take a letter of administration”

I read this as if the amount of assets your Dh left (don’t forget if your name is on the deeds as well as your dhs then your Dh only left 50% of the value of that property after mortgages etc have been deducted not the whole 100%) after mortgages etc have been deducted, the first £270,000 of cash or assets go to you.

Then the remaining amount you divide by 2. You get one half of the amount and your ds’s get to divide the other half between them.

It is like on a divorce. Everything is given a valuation less mortgages etc. Except you can take £270,000 and half of the remainder.
I.e. on a £1million pounds of assets left by your Dh spread across for example 5 properties of £200,000 each which were solely in your dh’s name

You are entitled to the first £270,000 then half of £730,000. So in total £635,000
So you can take 3 properties, your sons can take a property each but then have to pay you £35,000 (£17,500 each) in cash or they can jointly own 1 property and the other property is sold and you take the £35,000 from that and your ds’s will divide the remaining £165,000. (Less expenses)

Having given POA to a family member and being royally screwed by someone close. I would never do anything that handed control over to anyone else no matter what they promised.

I would actually see a solicitor and ver tjis. A few hundred in legal advice could save yours and your ds’s relationships and you a lot of money.

I don't live in the country where my husband died, and was just dying to get back to where I was, I feel like I was bulldozed, and really just went along for peace sake, I was not even given time to grieve, away from them now I can in peace, I'm sure my husband never envisaged our 2 sons behaving like this, by the time he got to signing his will he was too weak and died the day after.he was a wonderful father and husband.i am seriously thinking of getting in touch with his lawyer and reversing everything, by right as his wife I got everything, but gave it up and only wanted what he gave to me and our sons what he gave them.

Also if they are acting like this now. I would make it known after this has been sorted they aren’t getting a penny off you in your will because of their behaviour.

You can always leave it to them but I wouldn’t tell them otherwise they will have you declared incompetent and assume poa over your estate and not leave it till your time comes naturally.

I agree with this. Unfortunately, money corrupts.

Don't let them get their grubby grabby mits on your money. They got there share. You need it for your future. Otherwise, you'll end up struggling financially. You don't have to justify anything. It's your money to spend as you wish.

Take legal advice now.

by the time he got to signing his will he was too weak and died the day after.

Did he actually sign it though? Or was he too weak to do so?

Also, in which country are his assets etc. Are there any in the country where you are/were?

Can I ask which country you are/were in?