Page 3 | Children wanting my inheritance

Pardon44 · 22/02/2023 07:45

TrinnySmith · 22/02/2023 07:04

This is confusing - sounds like you have done as they asked and left the country.
Perhaps they don't want to pay for your Care Home costs or carers in the future by removing your money.
If they give you a generous allowance you should be ok - also how old are you? Do you want to deal with maintaining and ? renting out properties?

She doesn't need an allowance of her own money. It's her money.

Pardon44 · 22/02/2023 07:50

@Donalda have you considered a living trust? Then you can decide exactly what you want done with your money. It's something to consider.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 22/02/2023 07:54

TrinnySmith · 22/02/2023 07:04

This is confusing - sounds like you have done as they asked and left the country.
Perhaps they don't want to pay for your Care Home costs or carers in the future by removing your money.
If they give you a generous allowance you should be ok - also how old are you? Do you want to deal with maintaining and ? renting out properties?

But why should the OP accept a "generous allowance"? This is her money.

She can pay an agent to manage properties if she doesn't want to do it herself. And frankly, if she needs care in the future, then why wouldn't she want to pay for the best care that she is able to afford?

Her sons are being greedy. The OP sounds perfectly competent and capable of managing her own affairs.

Blablablablablablab · 22/02/2023 07:57

Just notify them that you will manage the properties and will do independently without input from them.

daisychain01 · 22/02/2023 08:02

Donalda · 21/02/2023 14:33

My husband died 2 months ago leaving me a healthy inheritance, now my 2 sons want to manage properties left for me and give me what they deem fit, I will add that both of them were left with a healthy inheritance too.now it's a case of accepting what they want in the name of peace, or standing g up to them and losing them. I'm torn.

If by being honest with them you lose them was this really a relationship worth saving? I'd be disgusted by any family member holding me to ransom over money that they don't even need and isn't rightfully theirs, I wouldn't even want them in my life.

magicthree · 22/02/2023 08:04

fairislecable · 21/02/2023 14:40

They sound greedy and you can use this to your advantage. Point out you are perfectly capable of managing your own affairs and if they wish to stop contact you will reflect this when arranging your own will.

This! I would be telling them in no uncertain terms to take a hike. There's nothing like an inheritance to bring out the greedy.

Blogdog · 22/02/2023 08:04

You are being treated appallingly OP.

Take back control of the properties and either manage them yourself or hire an agent. If your sons kick off tell them you’ll disinherit them. That might shut them up.

Eddielizzard · 22/02/2023 08:05

Stand up to them. They are being disgustingly greedy. You have been extremely generous already. We sacrifice for our children to make sure they have the best we can manage, but that obligation ends when they are standing on their own feet. Look after yourself now. You don't have to leave them anything in your will. Time to set some clear boundaries. And if you say no now, there's no way they will stop talking to you. They may vent and try and get you to change your mind, but over time they'll realise it's in their best interests to maintain a relationship.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/02/2023 08:15

Please get legal advice now. If the money hasn’t already gone to your sons, I wouldn’t be giving it to them now. Your son, who abandoned his 15 year old child should want some of the money to go to them. The 15 year old effectively is now your child and any splitting of money should be 3 ways. You need to make provision for the 15 yo as you cannot presume your son will do this and could easily see themselves completely disinherited. Please don’t allow yourself to be financially abused. You need money for a dependent child and your future. It’s awful to treat you and the 15 yo in this way.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/02/2023 08:17

TrinnySmith · 22/02/2023 07:04

This is confusing - sounds like you have done as they asked and left the country.
Perhaps they don't want to pay for your Care Home costs or carers in the future by removing your money.
If they give you a generous allowance you should be ok - also how old are you? Do you want to deal with maintaining and ? renting out properties?

It’s pretty easy to rent out and maintain properties with a decent agent on board. Having a local handyman helps a lot as they’re generally cheaper than going through the agent.

MyriadOfTravels · 22/02/2023 09:09

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/02/2023 08:17

It’s pretty easy to rent out and maintain properties with a decent agent on board. Having a local handyman helps a lot as they’re generally cheaper than going through the agent.

Show quote history

Or if you really dint want to get involved you let the agent deal with it all. My parents are doing that just now (because yes too far away, they are getting older etc….)

Another possibility to simply to SELL the flat/house and do something else with the money anyway.

sevenbyseven · 22/02/2023 09:12

An alternative, if you want a compromise that could work for all of you, would be for your sons to manage the properties, the rent to be paid directly to you from the tenants, and you pay your sons an appropriate management fee.

MyriadOfTravels · 22/02/2023 09:12

TrinnySmith · 22/02/2023 07:04

This is confusing - sounds like you have done as they asked and left the country.
Perhaps they don't want to pay for your Care Home costs or carers in the future by removing your money.
If they give you a generous allowance you should be ok - also how old are you? Do you want to deal with maintaining and ? renting out properties?

And this is still not explaining why the OP doenst have full control of her inheritance!!

Whether they want or not to pay for the OP’s care cost is nit here nor there. It’s her who would pay (and I imagine will plan accordingly for herself).
She isn’t a child. She should nit be treated like a child who is given an allowance. She is an adult who should have full control of her finances and do whatever she pleases with it. And of that means blowing it in amazing holidays, then so be it. If it is about squirrelling it away to ensure she has the most amazing care later in, then that’s her choice. But her dcs should have nothing to say about it, let alone having control on what she is doing when.

GOODCAT · 22/02/2023 09:25

Just thank them for trying to be helpful, but say that you are very happy to manage your own assets and will be doing so independently on a permanent basis. You want to keep money separate from family life so will be dealing with it independently and you won't be discussing it with them.

Repeat for as long as it takes. You won't lose them over this. Don't agree for a quiet life either. Parenting adults often means showing you love them, you want the best for them, but thet need to respect that you are a grown adult and more than capable and wouldn't dream of telling them how to deal with their finances.

Tell them if they want what is best for you they will visit often and make family life fun, not serious.

Rafferty10 · 22/02/2023 09:34

oh op l am so sorry, l can hear the sadness you are feeling, and to have your sons behave that way is heartbreaking.

I would write to both saying how devastated you are and asking for love and support through your grief.
Then add how extremely generous your DH has been to them, and how very sad you are that they are now trying to bulldoze you into giving them your share of the will.
Be very clear that you will not be giving them control of the properties or any additional funds and that you are considering leaving all your money to a charity in your will.

I realise you must want to have them with you at such a difficult time, but giving in to their demands will not (sadly) create the closeness you want. In fact it will breed resentment.
Perhaps a trusted family member could give them a firm talking to about their greedy attitude?

RudsyFarmer · 22/02/2023 09:37

Isn’t this literally the definition of financial abuse and coercive behaviour? They can get to fuck and I’d happily tell them that.

Mirabai · 22/02/2023 09:53

Serious legal advice needed now.

You haven’t capitulated in the name of “peace” you just can’t stand up to them.

A lawyer needs to look at exactly where you are in this mess, if anything can be undone, and to guide you going forwards. You need to ensure you have sufficient funds to live on and pay for care in old age, as well as providing for your ward.

As you can’t stand up to your sons I would let the lawyer deal with communications from now on.

Guis · 22/02/2023 10:46

Please get legal advice. I am angry on your behalf. I am assuming he died in the UK.

If you die intestate in the UK there are rules as to how the estate of the deceased is shared out. From what you say in your posts it would appear that has not been done appropriately.

That aside, your sons are still even now grasping and eyeing up the remainder amount they have 'allowed' you to have. They should hang their heads in shame.

A dreadful situation to comprehend but all too often money and death brings out the very best and the very worst in people.

I am afraid you have to be tough.
Visit a lawyer who understands UK law, assuming he died in the UK. If he didn't still visit one in the country he died. And as someone else has said, the rules in the UK may be unlikely to apply.

if he did die in the UK find someone registered by the Law society. Not some self appointed 'lawyer' nor anyone recommended by your sons.

They will cost money but better to spend it on legal advice than be shafted by grasping relatives even if they are your sons.