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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

Children wanting my inheritance

68 replies

Donalda · 21/02/2023 14:33

My husband died 2 months ago leaving me a healthy inheritance, now my 2 sons want to manage properties left for me and give me what they deem fit, I will add that both of them were left with a healthy inheritance too.now it's a case of accepting what they want in the name of peace, or standing g up to them and losing them. I'm torn.

OP posts:
SlaveToTheVibe · 21/02/2023 15:45

Kennykenkencat · 21/02/2023 15:43

Also if they are acting like this now. I would make it known after this has been sorted they aren’t getting a penny off you in your will because of their behaviour.

You can always leave it to them but I wouldn’t tell them otherwise they will have you declared incompetent and assume poa over your estate and not leave it till your time comes naturally.

PoA has to be given

OP. Do not set a precedent now where they can run you down because you’re vulnerable

Kennykenkencat · 21/02/2023 15:45

After your last update. Your Dh did leave a will so abide by your dhs wishes.

Get to a solicitor and get this all reversed PDQ

Pansypotter123 · 21/02/2023 15:46

Even if he was too weak to sign that will do you/his legal representatives have a copy of what it contained?

RoseslnTheHospital · 21/02/2023 15:46

You're going to need specific legal advice from someone who understands the law in the country where your DH died. People here are going to be referring to UK law which may well not be the same.

Iluvfriends · 21/02/2023 15:48

Turn it on them and tell them they won't get a penny in your will if they don't back off.

Sorry but your son's are cheeky and greedy and you will be left with nothing and struggling to live while they are comfortable.

RhymingGuitars · 21/02/2023 15:49

Donalda · 21/02/2023 15:40

I don't live in the country where my husband died, and was just dying to get back to where I was, I feel like I was bulldozed, and really just went along for peace sake, I was not even given time to grieve, away from them now I can in peace, I'm sure my husband never envisaged our 2 sons behaving like this, by the time he got to signing his will he was too weak and died the day after.he was a wonderful father and husband.i am seriously thinking of getting in touch with his lawyer and reversing everything, by right as his wife I got everything, but gave it up and only wanted what he gave to me and our sons what he gave them.

This! You are right, you need urgent legal advice. In the UK you would be the sole inheritor on the death of your husband (as he died intestate). Can't comment on other jurisdictions, think that France etc the rules are different s d make provision for children (of any age).

Would also advise that you make a lasting power of attorney now - both financial and mental capacity. But not your sons or their family. You need someone to advocate for you when you can't. They don't sound like they will.

Sorry you are going through this. Money does strange things to people!

diddl · 21/02/2023 15:50

They already have the bulk & want more?

If you stand up to them you'll lose the?

Sounds as if they are worth losing tbh.

Mix56 · 21/02/2023 15:58

Its not clear if you have signed this money over already
Do you speak the language of the country where your husband died ?
If so contact the notary involved & get a clear explication if how the division is done.
There are also some boards on fb for legal questions for expats in x y or z country, for preliminary information.
(In France if depends on the regime of the marriage, so there are 2 different outcomes,)

WhatHoJeeves · 21/02/2023 16:03

In the UK you would be the sole inheritor on the death of your husband (as he died intestate)

@RhymingGuitars Not necessarily true. As a PP states, in England and Wales the estate would be split according to intestacy rules between the spouse and children. Any property owned as joint tenants goes to the spouse. Different rules in other countries.

titchy · 21/02/2023 16:06

Donalda · 21/02/2023 15:07

I might also add both of them are working, married with children, I am only on a pension, whilst looking after one of their kids since she was 1, now 15 years old. The mother abandoned her at birth.

As did their father - your shitty son Sad

Kennykenkencat · 21/02/2023 16:08

SlaveToTheVibe · 21/02/2023 15:45

PoA has to be given

OP. Do not set a precedent now where they can run you down because you’re vulnerable

Show quote history

Actually it doesn’t if the person is not capable of giving it.

Bil took POA over mil’s estate.

She wasn’t able to give it herself as she had just been diagnosed with dementia

pristinesurfacesGBTD · 21/02/2023 16:14

Elder abuse 😳

NumberTheory · 21/02/2023 16:17

i am seriously thinking of getting in touch with his lawyer and reversing everything, by right as his wife I got everything, but g

Your sons seem to currently have no respect for you. If you can legally do this in whatever country has jurisdiction, this sounds like your most likely route to gaining their respect as well as protecting your own financial interests. (Whether you are interested in their respect after this debacle is another question).

chaosmaker · 21/02/2023 16:44

Yes, reverse it. They are greedy and the one whose child you brought up should be telling the other one to back off, not trying to take it all between them. Disgusting behaviour.

MyriadOfTravels · 21/02/2023 16:50

@Donalda im really sorry for the death of your DH.
And I’m sorry but your dcs are behaving appallingly.

I agree about a lawyer. Even if it’s to clarify where you stand and yo can do, including possibly reversing the first agreement.
And yes this would come with major agro at a time when you need support instead. Their support. 😢😢

In the mean time, refuse tte pocket money and demand the whole rents. They have their inheritance to play with. Money for them to do as they please. It’s only fair you have yours and the safety that comes with it.

MintJulia · 21/02/2023 16:55

Err, no. Tell them to mind their own business.

Or find yourself a friendly local solicitor who will act as moral support for you, and tell them to go away.

BHRK · 21/02/2023 17:13

Get a lawyer, their behaviour is appalling

Americansmoothy · 21/02/2023 18:15

@Donalda my post overlapped with some of yours.

Take back control, contact your husbands lawyer.

Pallisers · 21/02/2023 18:28

Get legal advice immediately.

Don't put up with this - they are trying to steal from you.

Even if one of them took out letters of administration, he still needs to administer the estate in accordance with the laws of intestacy or the provisions of the will (I'm not clear if your dh left a will or not). They can't simply appropriate it for themselves. If you signed something over to them in the heat of bereavement without proper independent legal advice, then you simply reverse that.

Original poster
Donalda · 21/02/2023 20:27

Thanks for all responses, it feels so good to offload. I tried talking to them, one went into abusive language, blowing his top, the older one, who by the way I sold a house for so he could go to public school in Oxford merely sat calmly by and said I was upsetting his brother, I couldn't believe it, even told me to off out of my late husbands surgery, he was a Dr. We talk but no longer feel respected or loved by them and it hurts. I never challenged them for the huge chunk left to them, and when I pass mi e goes to them. GREED.

OP posts:
pristinesurfacesGBTD · 21/02/2023 20:31

Donalda · 21/02/2023 20:27

Thanks for all responses, it feels so good to offload. I tried talking to them, one went into abusive language, blowing his top, the older one, who by the way I sold a house for so he could go to public school in Oxford merely sat calmly by and said I was upsetting his brother, I couldn't believe it, even told me to off out of my late husbands surgery, he was a Dr. We talk but no longer feel respected or loved by them and it hurts. I never challenged them for the huge chunk left to them, and when I pass mi e goes to them. GREED.

I wonder if one or both have massive debts and need your money for that.

Butterflywing · 21/02/2023 20:50

Goodness op, I am glad your sons are showing you their true heartless, inconsiderate, selfish and ruthless sides now rather than later!

Make sure you request a LPA for your finance, health and welfare from someone you trust.

If there is no one else, arrange for an advocate rather than your next of kin.

Whatever you do, do not sign over any property to them. I have known of elderly mums being kept in the attic of manor houses so that the sons don't have to pay nursing home fees after the son has coerced his mum to put the property in his own name.

Financial abuse by children is very common and very real. Let your local authority safeguarding team know if you are concerned of financial abuse and coercive control, as it's illegal and they will be able to signpost you.

Good luck and deal with it now rather than later when you may be older and less able to protect yourself.

Pardon44 · 21/02/2023 21:08

Donalda · 21/02/2023 20:27

Thanks for all responses, it feels so good to offload. I tried talking to them, one went into abusive language, blowing his top, the older one, who by the way I sold a house for so he could go to public school in Oxford merely sat calmly by and said I was upsetting his brother, I couldn't believe it, even told me to off out of my late husbands surgery, he was a Dr. We talk but no longer feel respected or loved by them and it hurts. I never challenged them for the huge chunk left to them, and when I pass mi e goes to them. GREED.

Get legal advice tomorrow @Donalda. Also, you know you don't have to leave them your money when you pass. It might be worth leaving them a token gift (to make it harder to contest the will) and giving the rest to charity.

Billybagpuss · 22/02/2023 06:38

Donalda · 21/02/2023 15:40

I don't live in the country where my husband died, and was just dying to get back to where I was, I feel like I was bulldozed, and really just went along for peace sake, I was not even given time to grieve, away from them now I can in peace, I'm sure my husband never envisaged our 2 sons behaving like this, by the time he got to signing his will he was too weak and died the day after.he was a wonderful father and husband.i am seriously thinking of getting in touch with his lawyer and reversing everything, by right as his wife I got everything, but gave it up and only wanted what he gave to me and our sons what he gave them.

You definitely need to see a lawyer asap. I don’t think you can reverse what has already been done but you can certainly protect yourself in the future.

it is also up to you who you leave your inheritance to. You could bypass your sons completely in favour of grandchildren, make sure that is fully witnessed with a solicitor stating your reasons so it can’t be contested later.

TrinnySmith · 22/02/2023 07:04

This is confusing - sounds like you have done as they asked and left the country.
Perhaps they don't want to pay for your Care Home costs or carers in the future by removing your money.
If they give you a generous allowance you should be ok - also how old are you? Do you want to deal with maintaining and ? renting out properties?

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