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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

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Thread 45 GCSE Covid Cohort - Bunnies bouncing into Spring

984 replies

OrangeCinnamonLatte · 18/02/2023 10:12

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had

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Delphigirl · 09/03/2023 13:55

Photo from DS on early watch in colon, panama as dawn discloses the queue of ships waiting for the Panama Canal. Beautiful! He will be going through day after tomorrow…. I’m v jealous

Thread 45 GCSE Covid Cohort - Bunnies bouncing into Spring
mummyinbeds · 09/03/2023 14:40

@Delphigirl what an amazing adventure. I would never have been brave enough to do something like that at his age, or even now.

@Piggywaspushed DD will be delighted to hear she should avoid Halifax. She's been reading horror stories online - and this is the girl who is going back to Ghana for a second stint of no flushing loo, cold water showers and creepy crawlies.

She does have a bike! That would definitely be more useful in York than Aberystwyth - that hill is huge.

mummyinbeds · 09/03/2023 14:47

@handmademitlove I find it very strange that DS doesn't know people in other years. When I was at uni, all halls were mixed years, all years and postgraduates did Freshers, I didn't really question what year people were in. It probably made settling in much easier as second/third years knew the ropes. I didn't really hang out with people on my course either although everyone was joint honours so had feet in two camps.

crazycrofter · 09/03/2023 15:11

Dd has lots of friends in other years, but I think they're all people she's met via Christian Union and/or church. Everyone in halls is a first year.

Amazing photo @Delphigirl !

Shimy · 09/03/2023 15:36

@Delphigirl That is a stunning photo. you could just stare at and forget the world and its problems.

Piggywaspushed · 09/03/2023 15:51

mummyinbeds · 09/03/2023 14:40

@Delphigirl what an amazing adventure. I would never have been brave enough to do something like that at his age, or even now.

@Piggywaspushed DD will be delighted to hear she should avoid Halifax. She's been reading horror stories online - and this is the girl who is going back to Ghana for a second stint of no flushing loo, cold water showers and creepy crawlies.

She does have a bike! That would definitely be more useful in York than Aberystwyth - that hill is huge.

God, yeah, a bike in Aberystwyth would be wasted!

Halifax is a bit more far flung than they pretend it is. It doesn't feel connected to either campus.

EwwSprouts · 09/03/2023 15:55

@Delphigirl Wow! I think we'd all rather be there.

My last mammogram was almost the social highlight of 2020. Three staff (one a trainee) and me squished into a tiny room between lockdowns.

Oblomov23 · 09/03/2023 16:21

Wow Delph. Looks amazing.

280NeuerNamen · 09/03/2023 16:27

Interesting to hear the mammogram talk as I have my first one next week. I am on the larger side (both in general and the boobs) and am not looking forward to it. It's in my local supermarket car park. But I have lunch with a friend afterwards so at least something to look forward to.

Just been on an impromptu overnight visit to see DS (3.5hrs away) after realising all has not been well. He finally admitted that he struggled to settle last term and when he was ill, got behind on a lot of work, really struggled to catch up with it and didn't really reach out. He did slightly when he asked for an extension and said that he had got overwhelmed then fell into a slump and struggled to catch up. The lecturer responded by saying sorry to hear that but if you want to say it again, then you'll need medical evidence. No signposting of how to get some support, which I'm disappointed in. Thankfully his girlfriend has been very supportive.

Anyway, this all led to him failing a few of his January exams which now need to be resits in August in order to stay on the course. The results came on Monday and are what led to my impromptu visit yesterday and him admitting all was not well.

He also admitted some money problems and has been dipping into his savings and worrying about that, He doesn't need to dip into savings but has been a bit frivolous. Thankfully it is money he can afford to lose, but obviously doesn't want to. We have agreed to put it in an account that is harder for him to access so that is doesn't get depleted.

He does seem to be in a better place this semester although has been ill again so is behind on a couple of topics, but he is convinced he is in a lot better place. We were hoping that the bad exam results may prompt his tutor to get in touch but nothing so far, We have spoken about him needing to be proactive and see his tutor at least to find out what happens with the subjects he has to resit (one is project based and the others are exams). DH can thankfully help him now that he has admitted the situation. We have said we don't think he should work for more than a few weeks over the holidays as study needs to be the priority.

Main focus has been on supporting him and reassuring him that if you're going to fail exams at uni, these are the ones to do it with. Also, yes he has wasted some money but he's not in debt. Nothing ideal but all fixable and not disastrous.

I'm pleased he has finally said something and hopefully is on a better path, but he has a lot of work to do.

When they were little you could fix it all with a cuddle, sadly not anymore Confused

NCTDN · 09/03/2023 16:43

Delphi** wow!
I'm in the mammogram brigade as I had one this week. I don't find them bad tbh.

Delphigirl · 09/03/2023 17:02

I’m sorry to hear about your DS’s difficulties @280NeuerNamen . It is really good that he has shared them with you though, and they all sound fixable which is good. It is quite overwhelming having to deal with such a lot of extra responsibility for their money, their workload, their health… it’s not surprising that problems can arise.

mammogram - eurgh. But I’d have 100 mammograms over a single smear, damn my retroverted uterus! Small of norm here so it was just uncomfy trying to get enough tissue to wedge in the Perspex. Ow.

Delphigirl · 09/03/2023 17:02

Nork
not norm

no Norm was involved

Comefromaway · 09/03/2023 17:21

Sorry to hear he’s been finding things difficult. Hopefully now he has admitted things to you he can access some support.

Comefromaway · 09/03/2023 17:23

Ds’s re-arranged group performance assessment was supposed to be tomorrow morning. (One of his band members was I’ll so they applied for an extension) but the campus closed at mid day today until mid day tomorrow due to the weather so it’s been postponed again.

PhotoDad · 09/03/2023 17:23

Also really glad that he's shared his problems with you, @280NeuerNamen. Great first step to getting them sorted out!

280NeuerNamen · 09/03/2023 18:38

Thanks @PhotoDad, @Comefromaway and @Delphigirl. Not sure if he’ll access any support elsewhere in reality but at least he has us and knows it.

mummyinbeds · 09/03/2023 18:40

@280NeuerNamen I can so relate to your post. DS hid his mh struggles to some extent during his A levels and I guess I was there to keep him going. He fell apart at uni. He is now realising how little he engaged and wishes he could start again. So does his bank balance! Student welfare and his personal tutor haven't been particularly helpful. They've tried but DS needs more hand holding than they offer. I actually emailed his personal tutor to ask him to arrange a meeting because DS kept putting it off. I know he's 19 and should do these things himself but I couldn't sit by and watch. He scraped all his semester 1 assessments apart from one which he tells me a lot of people failed. I have no idea if he has to resit and I doubt he knows 🤷

And you'd be surprised how much help a cuddle still is ☺️

280NeuerNamen · 09/03/2023 19:16

@mummyinbeds thanks for that. He used to be such a cuddler when he was little but that went a few years ago sadly.

i really don’t know whether his tutor will be of any use but I have also suggested student support. I doubt he will engage with them but hopefully I think at least now we can ask how he is and he may be honest with us.

NCTDN · 09/03/2023 21:32

Student finance question:
I've had the email about dd applying for next year. Last year we didn't submit documents because we knew she'd only get the minimum loan anyway. From my email, does that mean I click on the option saying no I don't want to support the application?
I'm scared of doing the wrong thing!

DontCallMeBaby · 09/03/2023 22:31

Hm I don’t remember having any emails from student finance cos DD didn’t apply for anything other than fees and minimum loan. She did it all, we don’t even exist as far as student finance is concerned.

NCTDN · 09/03/2023 22:35

We didn't last year but had this email. DH has insistirte we fill out all in even though we know she won't get more than the minimum. Seems a waste of the hour it's just taken Hmm

craggyrat · 10/03/2023 08:21

@AlexanderHamilton - I know nothing about dance but that looks amazing!

I hate mammograms. I have quite a lot to squash and find them really painful.

Lots of snow in North Yorkshire this morning. First time this winter for us.

DS has college room allocation for next year which is done by ballot. Unfortunately he has got a really expensive room in a college house opposite the Polar Museum if anyone knows Cambridge. The house backs onto college grounds through a back gate and is fab but is £3k more than this year as it has a much longer contract where he wouldn’t have to empty room and is a big double that’s been refurbished. He gets max maintenance allowance due to our circumstances and also gets full Cambridge bursary so he could manage it as he is frugal, but he could really do with something much cheaper and more basic! He has spoken to accommodation and hopefully can sort a swap with someone who wants the lovely house - he knows three people who are desperate for it who have short contracts and staircase rooms.

in other news he is off crutches and swimming again so that’s good. They now think he dislocated ankle but it popped back in. He used to do that with his knees when he was small.

am so glad we are not heading down A1 today. Hopefully no snow next Friday on collection day.

icanbewhatiwant · 10/03/2023 13:06

@Oblomov23 I hope your friends soon forget. Though they do sound a bit like teens.

When do we get called for mammograms? I looked online and it said anywhere between age 50 and 55. I had one a few years ago for a small lump, but it was just cartilage against my rib bone. I didn't find it uncomfortable that time. I expect I Will be nearer 55 when I'm called if that's the case. So a few years to go.

I've always said Ds1 and ds3 have been hard work over the years. They are both a challenge mentally. I've often wondered if they are autistic, especially ds3. Ds2 text me this morn...he said I know why my brothers are like they are. He has been doing an elective in psychology. He has been learning about how the way your siblings treat you will effect you for your life. Ds2 said he was always a bugger to them, so it's his fault they are the way they are. He wasnt being serious, but it's interesting to know. He spent his whole childhood winding them up, it caused so many arguments. But I'm sure many other siblings are the same. Ds1 and ds3 hate each other so much. Ds2 isn't too bad with either of them now he's older.

ealingwestmum · 10/03/2023 13:27

Lovely tiktok AH!

My daughter thinks we are coping better than expected because she's been replaced by not one, but 2 mothers to keep us occupied. She is right. We and mum are visiting her Midlands home for a 90th b'day bash tomorrow for the first time since moving to London last Nov. My MIL is dog sitting at ours, having lost her husband last June, which triggered my mum's desire to move closer to us.

The pain is now subsiding, and she really does love the 1 bed she now lives in, which is such a relief after a very traumatic 6 months, I underestimated how hard it would be for her, even though she's lived a single, widowed life for nearly 50 years, but it was her home she bought with dad in 1969 and she is the last of the original residents on the estate to move on.

DD is looking forward to her first St Patrick's Day on the 'inside'. It could get really messy.

That's a nice potential room swap for some hopeful student Craggy. Good to hear he's back in the pool again.