Arguments about house bills for university student on break. uk

[Purplesammyx]

Please help us resolve this.
I live at home with my 22 year old son and his partner whilst my 19 year old daughter is away at university.
she has come back for the summer holidays and is in limbo as to whether she wants to go back in September.
At home my son his gf and myself share in all the bills. Ie gas, electric, wifi, food shopping etc.
my son feels my daughter needs to pay her way whilst she is here as she’s not his responsibility and she does have. Pet time job in the holidays when she’s back.

The problem I’m having is my daughter is saying she’s probably going back in sept so is still a student and has no money to give me.
she works a few shifts at Tesco 4 days a week.
she’s fussy with food so we have to buy what she likes and she spends all day in her room when not at work.
she believes she shouldn’t have to pay as she’s a student home on her holidays, my son says she has to pay because she’s living here in the holidays and I’m in the middle as a single mum not knowing what to do to bring peace to my home again 😓

any advice would be really appreciated 💜

Ah seeeee I agree. Cheaper wifi but my son wants the best virgin wifi for reasons I don’t understand because I can’t understand gigabytes etc

Yes she’s very dismissive and rude when approached.

So wifi is due to son wanting the best for his gaming and it’s in his name.
Whole other argument lol

gas and electric is on a pay and go meter so I don’t have a monthly payment.
when cost of living went up, we all decided to put £20 each a month on each = £60 a month on each (although whilst it’s hot it’s 60% electric 40% gas
and that way we never struggle or run out.

I wouldn’t ask for her to contribute much tbh as she’s a student, it’s easier for your son to contribute as he works full time all year. Maybe a token gesture of £50 a month.

I think the vast majority on here will not understand what it's like to live hand to mouth and pay for utilities on key.
I would ask her to buy her food (and not give in)
And yes I would charge her something- tell her it's toward internet and gas/ electric as she is using them.
Perhaps being a bit harder will make working harder at uni a bit more attractive (I mean that in a nice way)

I think you need to separate the situation between your DS and DD. Was it his choice not to go to uni? If so he can't dictate the level of parental support you give DD who is still in full time education. He can decide he doesn't want to go and therefore works and agrees his living situation with you but he doesn't get to make choices for DD. As a parent you are supposed to support a uni student. Support means different things. If you have low earnings she can get max maintenance loan but most uni accommodation is now so expensive that the loan leaves little left over for other living costs like food. If a parent can afford to go above the expected support level then great, if they can't then so be it. Support can be a home during the holidays - preferably without the student needing to contribute financially but if that isn't possible then they will need to financially contribute in order to be at home. I would treat this summer as her being a student regardless of if she goes back or not - things will have to change if she remains at home and isn't a student. It's great that your son has stepped up, got a job, is contributing and has a GF who is living with you but he and his sister are at different points in their lives and it's really not his place to try and force your hand because of the path he chose. If it were just you at home what would you do? I wonder if there are other areas where DS benefits from everyone paying more like they do for the wifi or in other ways that he is overlooking. If your son feels he is hard done by then you can always agree that further down the line there will be support available to him in whatever guide you are able because he hadn't had it at this point. It's the old fair/equal/equitable argument really.

Your son sounds like an entitled twit. Why should your DD pay for the best and most expensive Wi-Fi so your DS can do some gaming?? If he wants snazzy internet for HIS hobby then HE should pay for it.

The Wi-Fi issue is simple. The cost of it doesn’t increase when your DD stays as it’s unlimited usage so stop letting her be charged for it (how don’t you know this??)

Tbh that would piss me off too. Im not surprised she’s angry and difficult when approached about it all.

sounds like the poor girl has been ganged up on by her brother and his gf. And by her own mum who doesn’t even know how Internet is billed

I think your problem is not known if she's going back to uni or not . I think if she is your happy for her to stay for free if she's not going back she needs to contribute .
I don't think she needs to pay for Wi-Fi as that won't cost any extra.
Your gas and electric will go up so you or her should put that extra same with the food .
You or your DD need to put the extra on the gas and electric or your son and gf share is supporting her.
If it's just a holiday you need to say to DS I'm putting an extra £20 on this month to cover DD electric.