Adult kids asking for money

[Ritascornershop]

Anyone else? I have two adult children, mid 20’s.
One would never dream of asking for money, the other does it constantly. Sometimes £20, sometimes £200, etc.

Shes a sahm, husband works full time (he doesn’t make much). They own their own home outright due to an inheritance.

I’ve explained repeatedly that as I’ve been low income too I won’t get a pension I can live off so the money from having to sell my house has to be eked out over however long from now till I expire (I bought a flat and had some left over).

Sometimes they’re not asking for much (her husband hints around about me lending them money for all his business ideas). I find it really stressful, as I find any money thing stressful. I don’t mind at all spending a bit on my 2 grandkids for presents outside of birthdays and Christmas, but don’t feel it’s right to ask me for money for petrol for their 2 cars, for bills, etc.

How to tactfully say no? Explaining that I’m not flush doesn’t get me anywhere.

My parents lent me money from time to time, but always expected it back. They could afford to 'give' me the money, but they never did. I used to set up a standing order with my bank account.

It was a good life lesson for me.

Consequently, I do the same for my adult children. They can borrow what they want, within reason, but I always expect them to pay me back,even though I could afford to let them have it.

They have good jobs and income and they have to learn to budget like we all do.

Hi I hope someone out there can advise me my 26 year old daughter constantly asks me for money whether it's £1 or £20 she doesn't work as she has mental issues, she is on UC but is constantly texts when her money runs out from her UC I.may get upto 50 texts a day!! Asking for money I've tried saying No I can't afford it but she doesn't listen! She texts at 3 am and I have to be up for work at 6 am it's so unfair, I have tried to block her on everything but I always end up unblocking as I feel bad and then end up sending the money anyway which makes me short she is also a type 1 diabetic and doesn't control it well and blames me if her sugars are low and she needs money or food I am at my wits end please I don't know what to do for the best!

@Ritascornershop I think to make her hubby the executor would be a mistake. have the other sibling down as the executor. her hubby is very wasteful with peoples' money by the sounds of it, always having silly business ideas. do not blame your daughter for them always being skint, it is most likely down to him!

Old thread from 2022 but responding to new post

Hello,
Assuming your daughter lives near you then you could try keeping in some spare but very boring food like weetabix and long life milk and then when your daughter text for money you could say I have none spare but if you want to pop round I have a spare box of cereal. Then you know she isn't going hungry/has food.

I would try to encourage her to stock up on cheap long life food on pay day so she might still run out of money but not run out of food.

Thank you I will try this

I would lend/ give money if they genuinely couldn't pay a bill through no fault of their own even if that left me short but they are choosing for her to be a SAHM which is a huge financial luxury so in this circumstance I would say that. The money I have is allocated for my pension. If you are struggling for money then you need to get back to work.

@Amy3333 that sounds incredibly difficult. I like the suggestion of keeping some very morning food available

If she's texting at 3 am do you think that she's genuinely having a dip or do you think that there. Anything else going on, like drugs?

Is she getting PIP as well as UC?

You’ve had some excellent advice here. I like telling them your money is tied up in investments combined with a firm ‘no I can’t’.
Also every time she asks I would turn it around- if you need money why don’t you get a part time job? Every time. It moves the conversation topic on as to why that is /is not an option. As some said above you could offer some childcare if possible or point out she can work when the children are in bed. When she gets sick of hearing you ask this she will hopefully stop asking for money which triggers it.