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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

Are we the only.ones who dont want adult dc living.woth them?

53 replies

Chewchewbacca · 21/05/2022 17:39

We get on.well with both our adult dc.
However, feel.v isolated as we have them back at home , and to be honest we want our space back.
We absolutely will help them...without question to save and live with us until they get graduate jobs.
However, we secretly want time by ourselves now in the longer term and we feel that we are the only parents who admit to this or want this.?!. everyone else seems to think.its great that adult dc are living with them or are about to. Is this the norm for the magority... Feeling wise... i get they move back more now for financial reasons ...

As I said , we will.always support them .
People say oh I wish my kids would come home..i kind of wonder if this is true .? Really..?. or wd they be saying the same if they were in same postion ...
Anyone else in same position as us and feel the same ..?

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/06/2022 17:27

I’m with you OP. I love them to death, would still die for them no question, but happy they aren’t living here any more! It took a long while to get used to it, I had empty nest syndrome for a bit, but now, well now just happy it’s dh and I. I nee to see them frequently, if I don’t after a month or so I need to have a fix and see them.

I wish time had stood still when they were younger and had so much more time when they were all at home, but sadly time moves on.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/06/2022 17:29

Also…we had them at home for months during covid lockdown. Such a lovely tIme. Happy memories, but also so happy to wave them all off when everything eased.

woodhill · 01/06/2022 17:38

My ds is still here, pushing 25.

He does pay rent but we would like to move away and are stuck for the time being

I would never make him leave but got fed up with the mess

hugoagogo · 01/06/2022 17:43

I am very keen for ours to move out. He doesn't seem in any hurry, even though he knows we're selling the house!!!
We cannot wait to live as a couple again.

hellcatspanglelalala · 01/06/2022 17:43

We had one of ours back throughout the pandemic. It enabled them to save for a house and I was very happy when moving day came round!

CoralBells · 01/06/2022 17:49

I'm a widow and I enjoy my teenagers' company so I'd be happy for them to stay as long as they want. It beats living on your own. I think I'd feel the same if dh was still alive. They're 15 and 17 now. Dd1 going away to Uni in the Autumn

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 01/06/2022 17:52

DD ended up here during the pandemic but we were all delighted when she moved out. She'd been away then came back so was quite civilised, but messy. When this was pointed out to her she said "I know and I hate it. In my own place I'm the tidy one but when I came back here I just seemed to revert to teenage mess and can't stop myself"

We had 6 months with the house to ourselves but now BIL is here with an uncertain future... Sigh.

Onthegrid · 01/06/2022 18:02

Neither me or my siblings went to uni and we all lived at home until our mid 20s when we bought our own houses. Our DP had a large house and ran a family business so we were all used to being together.

My DC are now both in their 20s, both returned home at the start of the pandemic and 4 adults in one house full time was quite a challenge and the house is not small. There was a lot of relief when they returned to uni. One has now completed their degree and remains in their uni city, working and house sharing with some parental support. The other still has 2 years to go and is coming home for 3 months this summer. first time since Sept 20 as they worked last summer and stayed at uni.

We love our kids but both DH and I also like having the house to ourselves, we would never say they couldn't come back, but would offer to help them if they want to live independently.

SchoolThing · 01/06/2022 18:04

Someone asked me if I missed my 18yo when they moved out and it was a resounding hell no. And it is such a joy to see them growing up, taking responsibility, being so independent.

But then I was brought up to be very independent, my sister made my school lunch on my first day but after that I did it myself.

Arnaquer · 01/06/2022 18:38

My 2 DSs moved out September last year to go to uni and I missed them and couldn't wait for them to come home. They've been back as few weeks for the holidays and the novelty is fast wearing off. I'd forgotten how messy they are. In fairness they will shop and cook for themselves but they make the house feel very small. Once they finish uni it will definitely be time for them to move out

OldStyleIntroductions · 01/06/2022 18:47

The couples I know who cling onto their adult children and want to keep them at home are those where the relationship between the parents is bad. They fear being left alone with their partner and having to admit they have nothing to say to each other.

ssd · 01/06/2022 19:01

OldStyleIntroductions · 01/06/2022 18:47

The couples I know who cling onto their adult children and want to keep them at home are those where the relationship between the parents is bad. They fear being left alone with their partner and having to admit they have nothing to say to each other.

Totally agree, I've felt this for a while.

TheOrigRights · 01/06/2022 20:07

CoralBells · 01/06/2022 17:49

I'm a widow and I enjoy my teenagers' company so I'd be happy for them to stay as long as they want. It beats living on your own. I think I'd feel the same if dh was still alive. They're 15 and 17 now. Dd1 going away to Uni in the Autumn

Your children aren't adults yet. Enjoying your teenagers' company may be quite different to having them live with you in their 20s.

Zpoa · 01/06/2022 20:17

One of mine moved out about 5 years ago. The other one is 19, he cooks, cleans, financial contributes. We are like house mates. Plus he looks after the pets when I go away.

We live in London so a mortgage will be a long way off. I'd like him out before he is 25 though.

Smileandactlikeitsfine · 01/06/2022 20:20

Same as you OP. We have a great relationship with with our adult DC and absolutely help them to be independent but absolutely have the right to our lives and our home back to ourselves ☺️

MovingatPace · 02/06/2022 09:12

Both my kids went to Uni this year and we have really enjoyed the sense of calm in the house, the lack of dishes, shoes, coats and the I'll do it in a minute when asked to clear up - do I want them back for the summer, not really, especially if they don't get a job and they sit around doing fuck all. I love them but they are adults when it suits them (going out) and babies when it doesn't (getting a job and clearing up after themselves).

Pippainthegarden · 02/06/2022 09:21

YANBU our older dc have left home and think we’re all much happier with the arrangement but absolutely love having them to visit. It’s the best of both worlds and feels like a wonderful reward for all the years of hard work raising children. I didn’t have them thinking they would be at home much past adulthood, except one dc due to disability so it’s taking a bit of a mental transition to think he may actually be one day leaving home too and made me think about how sad I’ll be when the youngest leaves. It’s made me actually come to thr conclusion that much of this trend is about parents who want to cling on for their own reasons rather than genuinely wanting their children to be happy, which living at home forever with their parents isn’t what most people are would of wished for their lives.

Mumwantingtogetitright · 02/06/2022 09:27

My dd will always be genuinely welcome in our home. We really enjoy her company and love having her around. I can't imagine ever feeling that I want her gone from my own perspective.

However, I don't think living at home would be the ideal scenario for her, because I think it's important for young adults to have some independence. So for her sake, I hope that she will have options to move away if that's what she wants.

Myworhl · 03/06/2022 00:43

Mumwantingtogetitright · 02/06/2022 09:27

My dd will always be genuinely welcome in our home. We really enjoy her company and love having her around. I can't imagine ever feeling that I want her gone from my own perspective.

However, I don't think living at home would be the ideal scenario for her, because I think it's important for young adults to have some independence. So for her sake, I hope that she will have options to move away if that's what she wants.

Ditto

Gingernan · 23/01/2023 09:13

I was thrilled when my 3 eventually went to uni and they seemed set for their adult lives,I was widowed when the youngest was 3 and was ready for some me time.
(To be honest I was happy when they started school, which most mums find upsetting)
My youngest came back with partner and baby ,for 2 years. It was a challenging time, but it enabled them to save for their mortgage and it was great being nanny to the little one.
The eldest has been back a few times , and has been with me now since Christmas 2019 when she split with her partner. Her mental health is quite fragile, so it was probably good that she was with me during the lockdown,including time when the ex partner...who remained a close friend...died suddenly.
She isn't great around the house to be honest,which can be tiring. She does pay her way though . She has a better job now,and a fiance, so maybe they will get married and move into a place with him. I hope so, she's 44 now and I would love to see her settled although I will miss her a lot.I'm in my 70s now but quite well and still working so it's not a case of me needing looking after.I'm glad I still have the family home but I suppose I might have downsized if things had been different.

MarshaBradyo · 23/01/2023 09:19

I’d feel the same but we left home for university and it feels normal to experience a more independent life in early 20s

Everygrainofsand1 · 23/01/2023 09:22

DS is 30 and stayed in his university city for work when he finished so never came back home, I don't think he or DH and I would want him living back home, we all get on very well but he has his own separate life now

Thinkingaloudcloud · 22/03/2023 13:54

Feel the same. Don’t understand the opinion that kids these days can’t afford their own properties. Neither could most young people I used to live in house shares splitting bills with 4/5 others!?

Soes · 22/03/2023 14:08

One of my children moved back after 4 years (3 of Uni and 1 living independently). She does work but is saving as she is doing an MA from September.

I did think I would be delighted to have her back and while I enjoy her company, I do resent sharing the space (me and DH at home).

It’s just minor things like having to cater to her tastes food wise, extra shopping, sharing the bathroom etc.

MissyB1 · 22/03/2023 15:37

Thinkingaloudcloud · 22/03/2023 13:54

Feel the same. Don’t understand the opinion that kids these days can’t afford their own properties. Neither could most young people I used to live in house shares splitting bills with 4/5 others!?

Which is exactly what my two adult dc have done, hasn’t done them any harm.